What you are dealing with sounds similar to what I experienced when I tried to arrange the closet side of beloved wife. I was bombarded with so many memories of us in our marriage.

I recalled when she wore certain outfits of clothing, where she wore them to, when I bought them for her, what we did when together and on and on. I still cannot sort the her closet of personal possessions. No, sure cannot!

When i have tired to sort her thing I find myself crash landed in our bathroom, at the bathroom basin sink sobbing and washing my face with cold water to calm myself down. I sob so much I cannot get my breath. I just become altogether devastated. Totally crashed landed. YES...Me, Mr. strongman, yeah right? More like grieving husband that is in shock most days still.

I am truly sorry that this is difficult. I deeply understand. If I could turn back the hands of time, I surely would and get a do over with my beloved wife. Wishful thinking I suppose.

Congratulations on getting the bills paid!!! AND for making it through these past few days, that were immensely significant to you and your beloved Charlie. Amazingly strong is what it is, sure is. Progress aye!

I offer understanding and pray blessings of comforting within your heart and soul

(((HUGS)))

Genuinely,
BEAR

I'm so sorry to those who are still so early on. I didn't push myself to get rid of anything until I was ready and that helped a lot. I have very little left, but I am now over 3 years and two months. I just wanted to say I am sorry that you too are going through this and if you accomplish one small thing each day, you are doing good. A closet is no little thing though...I would save that until it gets a little easier.

When I tackled mine I had my sister just put everything in black garbage bags and brought them to store them in the basement so I would not have to see them or sort them yet, but I could then use the closet. It worked better than me trying to do it myself. I believe it was around 3-6 months when she did that for me. I don't remember exactly now.

I had a room down in the basement and didnt' go through most of Denny's things until after the first year. Now I have a trunk with the most precious things...and I will never ever get rid of that!

I remember sobbing so hard sometimes that I couldn't catch my breath within the first six months. One time I cried so hard I got sick and it broke the blood vessels around my eyes. It was really scary. God I would not go back to that time for the life of me! It hurt so so bad when the numbness wore off. No one ever prepared me for the fact hat grief is physical too. I thought I was prepared for the emotional part, but I guess I wasn't even prepared fully for that.

Lots of (((((hugs))))) to everyone new to this journey, as you put one foot in front of the other.
-Diana

I find comfort in knowing I'm not the only one that grieved when I went through my own closet!

It seemed there was not one outfit that didn't have a memory attached to it. There were the "Cruise" clothes bought for our 15th anniversary trip, the New Year's Eve outfits and to even make it more emotional - there were clothes that my sisters gave me of my mothers, following her death.

I had totally under estimated the sorrow this seemingly "easy" task would cause.

It ws the same for me. I did donate alot of Greg's business clothes early on, because I knew it was the right thing to do with people looking for work so much the3n and it was EXCRUCIATINGLY hard!

Harder STILL was wearing ANYTHING of my own back then! i'd look into the closet and there would be so MANY memories of what I wore when we.....and when we......and then when we..... you understand.

I have to say though that now, i'm glad iI didn't get rid of the most precious things of Greg's nor of mine and those memories. I can look at a sweater now, and remember exactly what we were doing when I wore it, and it makes me warm inside remembering.

Don't deal with anything until YOU feel ready to! I did with Greg's and while I'm still glad i did what I did, I miss some of those 'things' just the same.

NO time table at ALL, and just do what you can when YOU can.

HUGS and you are so not alone in how you feel!

Diane

There are memories attached to just about everything----and that hurts. Eventually memories will hold less pain and will bring a special heartwarming not heart devastating feeling.

Do what is best for you----honest, no rules to it. I got rid of my husband's underwear fairly quickly after he died----I figured he didn't need them (makes no sense I know---he didn't need ANY of his clothes) and then I gave some of his shirts to my son and son-in-law that they wanted and wear often. I have a few things stored away, and a box of work and golf things still in a box in the basement storage. I had to move at my own pace. The polo shirt he had on and then changed the day he died I will always keep, along with the rattiest tank shirt and equally ratty sleep pants that he cut off himself----unequally I must add. Even now at 20 months I'm smiling with tenderness in my heart and tears in my eyes. I don't shy away from tears. It's like my eyes leak for a bit and then I'm done. I can be just about anywhere and I don't care one bit. I blink them away, wipe my cheeks and go on.

Gentle Hugs to you,
Sallie

Your pain is so fresh and raw that I understand everything reminding you of Charlie. Early on I could not look at any picture or any of my husbands things without crying. Lot of my clothes also brought back memories of vacations or trips we went on, where I wore them.
Now, at 13 months I still have not done anything with his clothes and each time I go for something of mine I still see his hanging there. I will one day re-organize but just not yet. Now a lot of those same things bring smiles at the memories......
Wishing you some peace and healing in the days ahead.....hugs

Sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I am at 16 months today and i still have some of his cloths in the closet and probably will never get rid of them. I still have the pants he wore the last time and his old scruffy sneakers in the bedroom closet along with our shirts we wore that matched. His spring coats and some of his winter coats still hang in the closets and his winter hats are still in the same place. Still have some of his cloths in the drawers. Too many memories to give these things up.

My heart hears your heart.

Blessing of Christ's peace fill your heart.
Gentle Hugs,
recentwidow

it does get easy to deal with as time go by hugs dave

Its been nearly 9 months will be aug 15, My husbands family says I feel better once get rid of his things. So I open closet doors pull out one of his shirts start to cry. His mother is trying to be helpful I am sure she says you just need to move on . I can't I feel like I am throwing him away and makes it so final!!! None of them has lost their spouse. They have family get togethers and I see them all with their spouse's and I feel out of place. My kids are all grown and I alone in empty house. This also makes it feel worse. Thank you all for sharing. I feel that I may never be ready to move on. This worse pain I have ever felt.My husaband and I were married 38 yrs. a lifetime for me I was 18 when we married. Glad I found you guys.

I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is so hard early on. I had such a hard time doing anything with Denny's clothes early on. What I did do was have my sister bag all of his clothes...taking out his work clothes for one of his sons. Then we put the bags down in the basement where I didnt' have to look at them or do anything with them until I was ready. This gave me the whole closet to use myself without the landmines, (his clothes) there every day when I went into the closet to get my clothes.

It really really helped me to use the space, but not to sort too much too soon.

There is really no time line of when to do what, but every step do what feels right to you.

big gentle hugs to you...
-Diana

Like many others have said there is no time tale...I think it is important you wait until you are ready and I hope we know when that is. Brian will have passed away 1 year ago in Sept. I cant believe it has been that long...Anyway I still have everything of his, in our drawers and closet...could I use the room, absolutely...but Im just not ready. Hugs, Lauri

I have all his clothes too, but it's only been 11 wks for me. Somehow, I think by leaving them there he will come back tho I know thats not true. I still smell his shirts to get his scent and it makes me feel closer. I know I have to do this at some point, but I don't know when, I'm tearing up just writing this post Beth

I can't even begin to think about clearing out the closet. Randy passed away 12 weeks ago and I can't imagine not having his things close by. It just makes me feel closer to him to be able to touch and smell his clothes.