Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I would love to hear from those of you who are taking or have taken meds to cope.
I have been taking meds to cope with the pain and grief. I started taking Xanax about a week and a half after his death. It is an anti anxiety drug and I take it every night. It "zones me out" and I sleep very well. (in the beginning I would say that sleeping is not a problem -- wakefulness is.)
About a week and a half ago, I found that I have been waking up feeling really groggy which is not usual for me -- I am and always have been a morning person. So, I have been taking only half the Xanax every night and at some point I hope to cut that down to every other night.
Under the care of a psychiatrist I am also taking Pristiq, an anti depressant. Gone now, for the most part, is that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is really wrong. Gone now is the terrible sadness and depression that was so strong it was painful. However, gone now too, is my ability to emote or have any strong emotions connected to any type of sadness. And this actually bothers me. I am unable to really cry. And I do not feel sad, at all.
But I KNOW I miss my honey. And I DO want him back. And it bothers me that I no longer cry for him -- and that it is due in large part to the meds.
I seem to be doing really well in my life, with work, with my community, dealing with all that I have to deal with. I am actually ok. But I have no idea if it is really ME or it is the meds.
Does anyone else have this situation in their life?
I have been taking meds to cope with the pain and grief. I started taking Xanax about a week and a half after his death. It is an anti anxiety drug and I take it every night. It "zones me out" and I sleep very well. (in the beginning I would say that sleeping is not a problem -- wakefulness is.)
About a week and a half ago, I found that I have been waking up feeling really groggy which is not usual for me -- I am and always have been a morning person. So, I have been taking only half the Xanax every night and at some point I hope to cut that down to every other night.
Under the care of a psychiatrist I am also taking Pristiq, an anti depressant. Gone now, for the most part, is that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is really wrong. Gone now is the terrible sadness and depression that was so strong it was painful. However, gone now too, is my ability to emote or have any strong emotions connected to any type of sadness. And this actually bothers me. I am unable to really cry. And I do not feel sad, at all.
But I KNOW I miss my honey. And I DO want him back. And it bothers me that I no longer cry for him -- and that it is due in large part to the meds.
I seem to be doing really well in my life, with work, with my community, dealing with all that I have to deal with. I am actually ok. But I have no idea if it is really ME or it is the meds.
Does anyone else have this situation in their life?
I think you did what's right for you. Only you and your physician can decide what's correct for you. IOW I believe it should be joint decision that is satisfying to you both.
Warm congrats on your daughter giving birth to a baby boy. Hope they're both doing well.
Your feeling of overwhelming sadness I can definitely identify with. I could barely get out of bed in the morning. I remember a word my late hubby used "Comiserate." Please excuse my ignorance. Don't know if its a real word. It means to share each other's misery, iow to empathise. For the record I take generic Remeron. Use it mostly for sleep. It works for me. I was diagnosed with major depression years before Jerry's passing. Ironically Jerry was on Remeron while he was being treated for leukemia.
I feel terribly sorry for your loss. If you like, I comiserate with you. My deepest sympathy to you.
mugwort
I would like to add that there are times during the day when I find myself crying and missing him, so I think the dosage is mild enough that it is not "masking" my grief. My doctor intends to wean me off in the next few months, but we're waiting to see how things go at work.
You could never offend me. Nothing anyone says here is offensible. We have all had to deal with terrible traumas -- and we all have our own ways of dealing with them. We each bring to the table our own histories. our family dynamics, our cultural views, our religious views. I think it is wonderful, that with alll our diversity, we are all able to come together and be supportive for each other. We are coming out of our personal shells of pain, seeking and giving comfort. I THANK you for your input.
Best,
Rachel