Widows & Widowers Support Group

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Death & Dying
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Sympathy Cards

kimmyewing
kimmyewing
I was just wondering if anyone else found no comfort in sympathy cards after your significant other had passed. I got so many that it almost felt as though they all began to say the same thing... he will always be in your heart, god has a plan for him, look up and see him in heaven or whatever. I know it is the polite way of our society when people know nothing else to say but really what strength or comfort can these cards bring. It got to a point that I just started throwing them away without opening them. And sometimes you get those random cards that make you feel worse. I had a card from his aunt (whom also was his godmother) about two months after he passed and on the inside she kept telling me how she thinks of me often and she can't imagine what life for me alone there at the house day and night is like.... hey thanks again for bringing up that I am alone and how sad it is... this card made me feel great!
nowjustme
nowjustme
I agree...but how would you feel if no one sent any at all? That would hurt also.
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Oh the cards suck. Not getting them would suck too. The truth is while others have sympathy they have no clue. So they do what they can; send a card, or flowers. It doesn't really help but it makes them feel like they have done something.

Hugs,
Val
themaster
themaster
I couldn't care less about cards. A Facebook message saying "Sorry for your loss" is sufficient and you save your money.
ramar
ramar
I opened the cards up, looked at them, and then burned them in the fireplace, hated flowers, they die and I am having a heck of a time keeping the plants alive.. Don't like them neither. Could my theme be I don't like much of anything right now?
BrokenGeo
BrokenGeo
My wife (Diane) as per her wishes asked for no public visitation except family and our very closest friends. I personally would have preferred public visitation as to accommodate the many people (business and employees and casual friends) that we came to know over the years. But after the funeral I was inundated with sympathy cards. Even from people that had worked for us many, many years ago. As we had no children it meant a lot to me that these people, even though they could have taken the attitude that they had been shunned, took the time and made the effort to send a card and the vast majority did in fact express very heartfelt condolences which I greatly appreciated.
I guess we all have differing thoughts as to peoples intentions and our willingness to except these cards as a last farewell from them to our spouse.

George
dschwartz
dschwartz
Condolence cards are polite society convention. It's what we were taught to be appropriate. In the South that would include a casserole dish as well with lots of women swarming in to take over the kitchen duties. In my case, I over-planned a wake at the house after Jim's country club refused to let me have it there "he's dead and no longer a member". Really? He was a former founding member no less!! How rude. Back to the wake, not many people came and there weren't casseroles or women swarming my kitchen. My expectations were much too large. I drank most of the booze myself and had my own public meltdown. Who cared anyway? Back to the cards . . . I put them all in a small box without opening, other than those from my family and friends. Perhaps one day I'll read them . . or maybe I'll take Ramar's lead and burn them unread? Sigh. No easy answers on this one. Hugs, Dayna
jrp32079
jrp32079
Agreed. I find cards pretty pointless in general. Even more so at that time. I'm also not religious so all the cards with religous themes and messages inside meant even less to me. I appreciated the thought of them, and a few had very nice notes that I will one day read to my daughter, but otherwise I would have been fine not getting any.
michaelbmanning
michaelbmanning
A big chunk of the cards I got were from local businesses as I am a business owner. Some were just full of sappy verses. Some sent masses which was my wish. I really didn't care if I got sympathy cards or not. Most younger people are not into meaningless cards anyway and Mike's friends did not send any.

Maggie
jeanatds
jeanatds
I appreciated the cards and kept them in a basket for visitors to look at if they wanted to. The notes inside were generic, helpful or only rarely hurtful. I do remember getting the mail one day and out of blue it hit me that I had not heard from a particular friend, someone that if we'd been at different stages of our lives we'd have been very close. And I knew immediately that it was because she was so brokenhearted. A few days letter I received a card from her with a long letter that was deeply moving. I think the expressions of sympathy are genuine, as are mine when I send cards or flowers.
statsmaster
statsmaster
My opinion only! The cards sucked big time and I found no comfort in them. Most of the people writing them did not know me from a bale of hay and the card was the polite thing society expects. I personally think cards for any occasion are a big ass waste of money and postage. Another commerical farce to get you to spend money on items most people could care less about. I hated the cards, showed them to family and filed them for a later burning at the stake. Cards! Not on my watch please! Save your money and donate it to charity. Same goes for flowers! I buy them for myself and those who are special in my life. Few fall into that category now!

Bah! Dewman
BrokenGeo
BrokenGeo
It's unfortunate that only a few of us appreciate (no matter how awkwardly expressed) other peoples attempt at compassion to a situation that we know most of them don't understand.
Paraphrasing Nowjustme. Would it be better if people just ignored us at a time when we needed compassion the most.
Sad.

Geo.
Lisastp
Lisastp
Yes it's amazing how the cards were so unhelpful -- I couldn't even read the pre-printed verse on them -- just glazed over it. Sometimes the handwritten notes were comforting. But one thing I will say -- people who enclosed pictures in their cards really knocked the wind out of me. There were some pictures of my husband as a baby that were sent to me by his mom, and it was the most shocking, and touching, piece of mail I have ever received in my life. After that I started sitting down to open the mail.

So all in all, the cards were completely meaningless or utterly priceless.
JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
I can Suss out between the sincere cards and the hastily written ones.
I Truly appreciated all the Sympathy cards I received. I always send a card to friends, family, or people I know who need encouragement.
It is a small piece of my heart, in words, which I can sincerely give to
Try and makes someone's day better.
You may look back at this and be thankful for the time people took to
Purchase and write a personal message to you. Even if the message
Does offend you.
I realize your going through a turmoil of emotions right now and I am sorry.....I hope in time you will gain some peace. It is good that you can vent here.
Sandra
Beka92
Beka92
I appreciated the cards. I was thankful for the people that took the time to show me they cared by sending a card or flowers. I saved all the cards and notes and put them in a memory box.
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
When my husband was ill, received a ton of cards. Another ton of cards when he passed. I boxed them all up and one day will reread. What gets me the most is where is the support now???? Everyone has moved on... And here I am trying each day to make the most of a shattered life.