I've thought about it. I have 3 small kids though and I know that I have to go on and be strong for them.
I'm having a really rough morning too. I've been sitting at my computer crying for the past hour now. I can't seem to stop. Trying to pull myself together because I'm supposed to be going to my son's school at 10.
I have very few people that are here for me as well. The people I feel I can lean on or would want to lean on don't understand. They all tell me, "Stay busy and don't dwell on things." THESE PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH! I know they are only trying to help so I stand back and just let it roll off, but inside I am screaming. "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET IT."
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I wish I could be there to hug you. I need one myself this morning. Do what you can to keep yourself going and know that we do understand. Message me or post anytime about anything!

It's also a daily thing on some of the other boards in DS, particularly the crisis centres for Depression and Bipolar. Sometimes it's worth looking at those because there are a number of people replying there who have become experts from their own bitter personal experience. Just a thought.

Don't do it! I know things look pretty grim right now. And they most likely will for a long time to come. But, as each day goes by, things will get a little easier day by day. Grieving is a process, it does take time ( I hated that word), but as with anything else, time is the answer. I was right where you are at, I can remember wanting to die, and I'm now at 10 months and just getting to the point I can feel again. Not only my pain, but others too.

I don't have that many people that are there for me either. But the one thing I do have is my faith and I do alot of praying. Trust me, God will hear you. And the moving on thing, ignore it. Those people telling you to do that, well, your right, they don't know and I hope they don't have to go through it for a very long time. Unless someone has walked a mile in our shoes, they don't know. Keep your chin up, I promise you, it will get easier. The paini isn't ever gone, but it gets easier to bear.

As for the saying "it is a Permanent solution for a temporary problem" ,i dont agree with in our situation. Death of our soul mate is a Permantent problem. NOW with that said, remember, you have no guarantee that suicide would make things better. There is NO real way of knowing that God forgives suicide, or that by taking life in your own hands, God will reunite you with your loved one. Although we all here think at times "things sure cant get worse" we cannot be sure of , if we try to play God.Now the argument i just gave you , i have to have with myself on a daily basis to justify pushing myself to go on. YOU are not alone in these feelings, Just keep coming here and hanging on with the rest of us.

I saw this earlier, but I'm slammed at work.

Calm down. Whatever your drive is to do; just stop where you are and do nothing.

You don't want to die, you just want your pain to stop. It's been a long time since you've felt a comforting touch. I get that and I know how drained you can get.

I can't speak from your exact point of view of the pain, but I can tell you...promise you, in fact...that it will get better.

But, you've got to relax and stop struggling.

Cry if you need to. Take something for sleep...but, just stop where you are and address your needs.

Call a Crisis Line if you need to...1-800-273-TALK. A caring volunteer is waiting to speak with you. You will not get in any trouble, I promise.

Dear heartbroken friend,

Your life matters! Your husband loved you and cared for you and if you harm the precious person that he loved. Please don't throw away life's greatest gift to you and don't send a message to your husband that all the love he gave you was in vain. He valued you and your life...and as a testiment to that love you must go on. If you die, so does his memory.

You need to seek out help as soon as possible. If you can't afford a doctor, most counties have some kind of human services support. Reach out to your friends, family or church. The hospital may have free grief counseling (which is what I am participating in).

I heard that one way to help ourselves out of a personal crisis is to put yourself out there to help others. I don't know if you are able to go out and volunteer, but empathy and love for others is one way to pull our minds away from our own loss.

I don't know you, but I do know how hard it is to lose a husband. I lost my husband last September. We were married 35 years. Knowing how much he cared for me over those years, gives me the courage to go on.

My prayers are with you. Please reach out and get the help you need. You are here for a reason...you matter. Love, Linda

Please know that we are all feeling these feelings...We know how you are feeling, and it is not worth it. Think about the consequences of your actions and what the effect it has on others. I know that you are hurting, and that nothing seems to take it away, but please go to a crisis center where they will help you. It sounds like you need grief counseling and they are there to provide you with the help. Please do not feel alone. We are here for you. Hugs~Shelley

There are better days ahead. You have so many people here that care. There is always someone here that understands and will listen at any time. We may just be able to communicate by the written word, but we are real people who are with you all the time. Much love and many hugs to you. Judith

I have felt like dieing many times...not at my own hands, but praying that God would just take me home...I dont want to be here without my husband of 33 years. I know I must stay here for whatever reasons God has...doesnt mean I like it...but His word says His ways and thoughts are higher than ours....so He has a plan...so if He needs me in this temporary life for a little longer, than so be it. I take it a day at a time...making it through another day of tears and emotional break downs,and the absolute devastation to my heart...some how with Gods strength I continue to walk on, but not alone for He is with me. I am so sorry for your pain too...one day at a time my friend...Debbie

you certainly have alot going on...just the menopause and the grieving is making me a crazy woman...you got me beat!

Hang in there. Days like this are not everyday, Thank God. I'm suggesting a hot shower and off to bed. It will look better in the morning. You have friends here who care about you & when you post again tomorrow, somewhat refreshed, we'll all still be here. WE so get it...This is a really hard time.

maybe a little antidepressant? It might be helpful. Hang in there! jules

Don't do it. Don't take that chance. I'm an ex-Catholic who was raised to believe that committing suicide meant a person went to hell. The Protestants believe opposite(some denominations at least), but I wouldn't take the chance that the Catholics are right. Yes, I may feel like I'm walking through hell here on earth, but guess what? All I have to do is live and this will one day come to an end on it's own. When that happens I will be reunited with my husband. It's for sure I won't be here 60 years from now.

Please don't take the chance. Our years here are finite, but hell is eternity. There's no going back once you do something like that. Think of all the people who care about you, and the what they'll go through once you're gone. They may blame themselves, wondering how they failed you. They may become depressed because of it so you'll actually be causing someone else pain.

Don't do it. Instead, find a church. Or find a doctor who can prescribe medication for you. Or do both. God puts medication down here for us so take advantage of it.

I found strength in God Who carries me and picks me up each day.

My heart aches for you. You are in such pain right now. Please seek medical help, you deserve treatment for the unbearable pain. Make an appointment with your doctor and be frank about the thoughts you are having. And, during these very difficult times, just take it one day at a time. -Shelli

I can understand your thoughts, you have a tough road.

I am not sure I thought of suicide, who remembers anything about the beginning of this process but the pain.

Hugs, Holly