Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Since I lost my husband in March, I have been absolutely devastated, and have been bombarded by memories of him from the beginning of our relationship right to the last night of his life. We had been together nearly 22 years, and he is the love of my life. He was 15 years older than me, so I knew it was a strong possibility that he would go first...but at the same time, he was only 59 when he did...I thought we had, at the very least, 10 more years, until mid January when he was diagnosed with end stage liver disease...2 months later, he was gone.
The last couple of days have been really difficult. I have just wanted to die, and last night, I thought I was going to have to call the suicide hot line. Then again today, I got a few groceries and went to a public market that sits along the Fraser River. I stood at the railing for nearly an hour, where to be honest, I had contemplated jumping in. This wasn't the first time..I have been in that dark place before, right after he died, and last week. Then I thought about my son, who has special needs, and what he would do without me. I turned around and walked away.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings, and this strongly? Until my husband passed, I had never been a particularly pessimistic person, and didn't get depressed easily. Losing my soul mate has really knocked the wind out of me, and I really don't know how I will ever recover. I don't think I really want to die...I just want the pain to end.
The last couple of days have been really difficult. I have just wanted to die, and last night, I thought I was going to have to call the suicide hot line. Then again today, I got a few groceries and went to a public market that sits along the Fraser River. I stood at the railing for nearly an hour, where to be honest, I had contemplated jumping in. This wasn't the first time..I have been in that dark place before, right after he died, and last week. Then I thought about my son, who has special needs, and what he would do without me. I turned around and walked away.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings, and this strongly? Until my husband passed, I had never been a particularly pessimistic person, and didn't get depressed easily. Losing my soul mate has really knocked the wind out of me, and I really don't know how I will ever recover. I don't think I really want to die...I just want the pain to end.
It's like I'm okay for awhile, I can get basic errands done, and I make sure to go out every single day, particularly while my son is in school, because I can't stand the sound of an empty house...but then all of a sudden, it's like being hit with a wrecking ball when I realize that he's really gone, at least in a physical sense. I guess I just kind of panicked. Today was a little better.
Again, thank you for your concern. This site really has been something of a Godsend for me. I really don't know what I would have done without it, and without all of you. God Bless, Wendi
Wendi, I understand exactly what you meant in the above statement. It is like all of a sudden I hit that wall and the reality sets in......I can't move, I can't breath, I can only let the tears flow. I am just so afraid of everything and I think sometimes I just want to go home and be with him......I know I can't take my life, but I can't take this pain either.
Lot's of love to you....
Jennifer