I am so sorry for your loss , this is a good place to have some support.
I am further along , as I became a widow at the age of 48 close to 7 years ago but I still come here once in a while in order to offer support and "listen" to others on their journey.
I come from a big family and they were quite supportive. I also have two children and now a daughter-in-law but losing your love one does take a part of you and you can feel/know immense loneliness while in a room full of people.
Time will help and things do get better .

Wishing you strength during this roller coaster ride that you did not asked to be on.

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I have only been on this site for a few weeks because I like you needed to talk to people who are going through or have gone through this unbearable lose. My husband passed 11/11/19 one month after your loss. I took care of him for many illnesses from 2013 until his passing. His previous illness was heart and kidney and he would recover from then, very well. Then in 2017 he was diagnosed with lung cancer and would have surgery to remove his lower right lobe. No treatment was needed is what the surgeon had said. Well in 2018 he had sever back pain and fell and was taken to the hospital. At that time we were told he had a collapsed lung. Further testing showed he had Stage 4 metastatic lung cancer. Treatment was started and 1year and 2 months later we were told that the chemo was no longer working. We were both crushed and knew this was coming to an end. I care for him and kept him at home until he passed 11/11/19. I was giving around the clock meds and on this one particular morning I went to get his meds ready and when I went to give them to him, he had passed. My life has changed forever and will never be the same. I have been reading a book “widow to widow“ and I believe they have a book “widower to widower”. Right now I reading “Getting to the Other side of Grief”. I also joined a support group. We only have GriefShare where I live, so there was no selecting. I also went to my doctor to get something for all of the anxiety I have had since his passed. I hope you can find some comfort on this site, allot of people are many years into this and have gone through what we are going through now.. I feel your loss and pain, it’s indescribable. Take care of yourself.

It's still all so new and fresh in my mind and I'am still numb from the shock.I'am glad that I made the choice to reach out to find others who have had or are now still in the process of experiencing the same roller coaster ride that I'am now on. I'am truly touched by your empathy,kindness and support!
After taking care of Barb for so many years and all the responsibilities of running a house hold it's been an easy transition from caregiver to single and living on my own and I have a little shitzu that's now my best friend and companion!
It's the many great benefits of marriage that I miss the most...having someone to share your everyday life with...your best friend,lover and confidant!
I'am now just taking it one day and a time and waiting to see where this new chapter of my life without Barb takes me!
Everyone take care and I wish you the best of luck on the new chapters of your life's journey!

This loss of your life,who and what you are is normal. It is almost 4 years for me and he suffered for 12 years and 4 were terminal..i knew deep down but never wanted to acknowledge that he actually really could ever die ..it's like the first 2 to 3 years were..survival. How i got through was setting goals for myself and went biking..had not biked in years so learning how to climb those hills in the Gatineau park..i finally did it..started smoking pot and it helps me to connect with myself more..life is forever different ( Hugs) But we are here for those feelings that all of us share.

Having a fur kid to help ease our pain is such a blessing. I have a mini schnauzer and I would be very lost with out her. I think they feel the pain we are going through. My little girl never wants to leave my side.
Best of luck to you on this new path we are on.

My shitzu gives me a reason to keep going even when there are days I don't even want to get out of bed.
He gives me a sense of structure...a routine that we do every day.He loves me unconditionally without any strings attached and that effects my mood in a positive way. Without him in my life right now I have know idea where I would be.
Those who have not lost a husband or wife couldn't possibly understand the amount of pain and confusion that we are experiencing in our lives right now.
And,they would mostly likely think that we are being
overly reactive attaching ourselfs to our pets.But,to us they are not just pets;they are members of the family.

Your so right, our pets do give us a purpose in life at this horrible path we are on. I get up every morning between 6:00 and 6:30 because she starts moving the covers on the bed. That means “Hey, mom I want to eat and go outside” so I get up and start my day. I have been looking at Shih Tzu for a few weeks now, but not sure if I’m up to the challenge of training one at this point. There is enough stress right now that I don’t think I need another stressful situation. People who don’t have a dog or even a cat, can’t understand the comfort that they bring. But that’s okay, because my fur kid helps me her motivated everyday.. Keep loving your fury baby and take in all the comfort he or she gives you. God knows we all need it right now.

Hello Lost In Time.
I understand the void and the loneliness. My husband died suddenly also. Came home to find him on the sofa. It was devastating. We were together for 27 years. We had a great relationship and i miss him so much. Surely my family and friends help but once they go home, the loneliness begins. I am doing much better now. Its been 5 years. But he will always be in my heart and I will always think about him. His memory is every where in this house that we built together. Lots of great memories. You will heal and eventually feel better and start to live life again! Even though you may not feel like that is possible. Grief is very traumatic! Hang in there and don't be afraid to cry whenever the urge strikes. Holding in the emotion is not healthy. At least it wasn't for me. Ebmolly.

The book Getting to the Other Side of Grief that I got at the Grief Share Support group was helpful to read. The group gave me the awareness that I wasn't alone or going crazy. I really wanted to die and I was able to share that in the meetings bc people could identify.

I am much better 5 years later. I still have those now and then when I cry but I'm ok and am learning to accept my husband's gone. I cling to the hope that I'll see him someday. God is loving and I trust in Him every day otherwise I wouldn't be where I am today!

Strength10:
I can identify with you.
And also that it helps to have a pet. My cat Molly is a blessing. I talk to her all the time! I got her after Ray died. r
Our last car died 2 years after Ray died and I thought i needed a break from caring for a cat but months later I got Molly and I'm glad I did. There is another life in this house besides me. Of course before her I was never alone. God was with me and still is!

Your post really seemed to say what I am feeling. I lost my husband December 1 very suddenly. My daughter and I found him dead from a blood clot in his right coronary artery. It was such a shock, as we didn’t even know he was sick. I spent 25 years with him, and we had our ups and downs, but we loved each other deeply. I found this group last night and wanted to reach out because the pain is unbearable. My life has changed so much, and I’m not sure I can make it through. I have my daughter and my grandson, and that is what keeps me going. The pain seems to be getting worse instead of better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, because it made me feel not so alone and that I was the only person feeling this way. I wish you the best.

sorry for your loss. I too lost my wife a little while ago, dec1/ 19. 39 years together. been together since i was 19. we had a 3 year battle with cancer,she died a terrible death. i feel like im lost as well. my only companion, my 11 year old dog, is now sick too and looks like it could be cancer. dont know how much more a guy can take. It is hard to start over, i dont know where to start. one minute, one hour, one day at a time i guess, take care, u can pm me if you want, im not sure how that work though, just joined now.

LostInTime

First, I wanted to thank everyone who has replied to my original post!
I now realize that everyone coupes with grief in their own way.We do all have one thing in common and that is (Shock,Disbelief & Forever Change).
I would like to add another issue that we have to deal with in addition to the ones we are already working through.And, that's our age...I'm 66 years old and never paid much attention to it until now.... people have been dismissing me as if I was of know importance or value what so ever.
A couple of examples as to what I'm talking about:
My step-son told me...know one wants to hang around old people.
My niece on my (wife's side) told me that I shouldn't bother worrying about anything since I will most likely be dead in a few years anyway.
When I'm out shopping and try to interact with sells people they either totally ignore you or outright let you know threw their facial expressions or their body posture... your bothering them and your just not worth wasting their time on you.
I have more but I think this is enough to get my message across and that's as you get older people tend to loose respect and empathy towards you and your treated as someone who is know more than an uncomfortable inconvenience that they would rather avoid.

Your step son and niece are entitled boobs, if you'll forgive me for saying so.

So are some cashiers. With them, it may not be your age so much as how prosperous you look, or how much money they *assume* you're going to spend. Clerks are different from **sales people** who actually sell things. Clerks will bypass those who don't have armloads of goods to buy because selling a shirt or two will lower the average unit sales check - they don't want that. It isn't age discrimination, just general snobbery. I remember one average looking fellow who wandered into our store, and before you knew it, he wrote a check for $700 worth of clothes, and he quite frankly did not look the type to do that. I asked the Boss, who waited on him, how'd you know he'd buy all that.. Boss said he didn't, - but you never really know just by looking.

At 66, you still have a decade or two or three before you meet your maker. Sadly, many people don't know how to incorporate single adults into live where so many people are paired up. Or, we're just reminders of the fragility of life: "There but for the grace of God go I." I'm sorry for your loss, and all anyone can do is take things one day, sometimes one hour at a time.

People say some pretty stupid things to the bereaved. As for customer service or lack thereof, sometimes the person on the other side of the counter is just having a bad day, too. For me I have noticed I get better service and better reactions from both men and women if I take the time to put on my makeup, etc. Are people that shallow? Some of them are. The niece and step-son sound like they have their own issues. It's not you. And inasmuch as we "boomers" outnumber them, they better get used to people like us!

Love and Hugs,
Martha