we made a simple will...I got everything and he got everything if I went first ..I tried my best to keep it even..my son got one of the cars that I was driving and the motorcycle....my daughter a check to buy a car ...I ended up buying the motorcycle from the son so he could have his down payment for his home and then sold it to the dealer. I made a large memory box for each grandson with special items in it...and have decided that when the new one comes I will make him a box of items from me. Really the only major things I have left are the massive amounts of tools and things in the garage... I have spoken to my daughter and she wants my son to take what he wants...and then my son in law will take the rest...both he and I didn't have any family heirlooms and the heirlooms I have been creating....lol are sot of crappy...but extremely sentimental..Hope you are having a good visit!!

Unless your husband stated who should get the rings, then you should do what you want and give them to your oldest son's wife. Just be careful with giving things away too soon. I was so overwhelmed and in those first several months that I made some poor decisions.

Hang onto the rings for now. It is too soon. Or if you feel you absolutely must, give Jasen's wife one of them, not all of them. And check with Pete to see if his partner would like one of them. But as I say, my gut reaction is that it is too soon.

My advice is not to make the same mistake that I and many others have made, which is to give away stuff in the first few months. You are not thinking clearly. I regretted it, and you will, too.

Anything not specified in the Will is now YOURS. People will come out of the woodwork asking for stuff. They will take advantage of your situation. And that includes family. I gave away things that I regretted giving away later. I made some poor decisions while in the fog of early grief.

Tell them that it will take a few months for you to sort out what you want to do with things. And then wait. You honestly need more time to grieve and get through this before you start making decisions about this. I am especially leery of you giving away Ray's mom's jewelry, and also not doing something for your other son's partner. It will cause friction, and right now you do not neeed to create problems with Pete's partner or Pete for that matter.

Do you have granddaughters? That might be something to consider as well, holding onto stuff or including specific bequests in your own Will for these items.

Jasen and his wife can let you know if there is something specific they would like, you can have the "stuff" discussion, but I would not make any final decisions during this visit.

Just my two cents on this....hope it helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. Ray may have intended that his "personal items" would include his mother's rings, so you may not be able to give them to Jason without Pete's permission anyway.

Ramar . . as for your decisions to bequeath "stuff" right now, I also feel it is too soon. You do not have to make these decisions today. Enjoy your visit with the kids and allow for some cheerful days ahead. Warm hug, D

I also regret having given things away much too soon. I felt such a compulsion to do it though, as if by deciding and getting it accomplished that would somehow put my life back in order. Obviously that isn't how it works, just the crazy, muddled fog that Martha speaks to. You might ask your kids their thoughts so they have an opportunity to air what they are thinking on the matter...and for your future reference when the time comes that you're prepared to make these decisions. Wishing the best with your visit Ramar.
Jean

I will just add that I asked each of my children if there was anything specifically that they wanted of thier mothers. Only one daughter took me up on that, so I told them then that I was going to do with it what I felt was best. (After all since my wife didn't have a will, it all belonged to me anyway).

Some items were easy because they had been discussed, the oldest got the promise ring I gave her mother, the youngest her wedding set, and the middle one got a ring I had just bought her the day she passed away, it was black hills gold and had her birth stone in it.

Before I gave away any other items I asked each of them if they had any issue with me doing it, if they didn't then I gave it to who I wanted.

I still have a massive amount of jewelry to go through, my wife had over 3000 pairs of earings alone. I have decided that when my middle daughter comes to visit I will lay it all out on the table and with the youngest and the middle one in the room, we will skype with the oldest and let them decide what they want.

Other than her clothes, shoes and jewelry, I have kept everything that was hers and will keep it till it is my time to go.

I am being smarter though, I have gone around and put names on the back of everthing in the house - of who is to get it when I go, then I put a complete list of everything in my will, right down to my socks. No questions asked.

I would suggest sitting down with both of your sons, since one is in town and the other next door and have a frank conversation with them about what you are thinking and get thier input, I decided to be very transparent from the beginning and it has served me well.

My husband gave our youngest son stuff before he died, youngest son also came and got things right away. There is nothing left. He didn't have a lot of personal things. My daughter stated that she didn't get anything of his. I said, well go get what you want. She said, our oldest son never got anything either. The wedding ring is what I have left. I feel like she is pressuring me to give her that. I told her I wasn't ready to part with it, she can have it when I am gone. what to do?

When my husband passed our son got the tools and Don's family crest ring. Don had given our snowblower to our SIL because they managed our 2nd home that has 3 apartments. I live in one of those apartments now. None of this was done hastily. My reasoning changed multiple times a day. I also gave both children a sum of money to buy what they wanted from dad. It worked well for us. Sharon

My girls are not interested in much of our stuff, not their style as they put it. My older daughter claimed the baby grand piano and some power tools. The second daughter didn't take anything. I kept only the jewelry and things that my husband and I loved. I sold his cars, the house and donated other stuff. My brother in-law is always waiting to accept whatever I am willing to let go of. I just hated the idea that he turns around and sell them.

My husband and I have 4 grown sons. When my husband died I gave his wedding band to our oldest son, who was married a few months later. He was married with his Dad's ring as a promise to always show his wife the love and respect that his Father showed to me. I put away my matching band but still wear the band from our 25th Anniversary when we renewed our vows. My husband had several other rings he wore regularly and each of the other 3 sons has one. When I see those rings on my sons' hands it gives me such a warm feeling. To know my sons still remember and keep their Dad close. My advice is to do what feels right in your heart.

If you are 'crafty' or know someone who is, turn some of your husband's clothing into a quilt, or pillows. My husband had a drawer full of bandanas which I pieced together into a quilt and sleeping under it almost feels as though I am wrapped in his arms once again.

May I suggest that you take your time in giving things away. And, NEVER give anything to someone who you know is going to turn around and sell it. You don't need to give things away to folks who really just want the money!

Morey's "things" are precious to me and I want them to be precious to the person I choose to give them to.

Think and unless your moving out of the country and need to make quick decisions......DON'T!

Roz

In my house no one gets one thing unless I feel the urge to share.. Too many greedy friends cane to the door. Can I have one of his guns or the crossbow. Can I have the skill saw....no, that's MY saw. I really tried to be nice for way too long. The last one that came here was over a year ago. I told him to get off my property or I would shoot him with that gun he asked for. Word must have spread because no one has bothered me for a while. I don't share well.

Maggie

I've only given things to our sons...Things they'll keep and remember Ray.. I gave a few rings that belonged to Ray's mom to my daughter-in-law and one special ring to our youngest who lives next door and is here 24/7 for me. It's all good everything else stays where it is..