Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
its been just over two months since Derrick got pulled off life support. I struggled quite a bit that first month. The second month, I thought I was progressing... I’d managed to go every other day or every two days without crying. A week and a half ago it just all hit again and I am so much more miserable than normal. All of my friends are going forward with their lives, moving in with their boyfriends, getting engaged, etc, and here I am, all alone. I know I’m “only 22 and have plenty of time” but I have 0 hope for the future. All I want is Derrick back and can’t picture myself being happy again. I feel like all of my friends are getting annoyed by me, and even when I do finally go out and hang out with them, I sit there, jealous and loathing them, that their lives get to go on without this kind of pain.
You're experiencing a trauma that most people your age can't begin to relate to. Only after losing my husband Kurt did I fully understand what my widowed friends and relatives were going through when they were grieving. I wish that I'd been more in tune with their needs, but until now I was clueless.
If your friends see life the way I saw it in my 20s they probably expect you to be back to "normal" in no time, and that it should be easy for you to get back to being your "old self" again.
I'm sure that they're missing the old you and want her back, but unless they've been where you are now I don't think that they can fully know how different an old self becomes after a tragic loss. They haven't had the experience that would let them understand how severely you've been wounded or how much pain you're feeling right now.
I hope that you'll continue to post to this board whenever you need to express your grief. You'll find understanding and support coming from people here who share your journey.
I'm sending out a wish that your days become more peaceful. Love to you dear little one,
Ellen
You may try to attend a bereavement group. Hope Hospice meets each week. There is a meeting in the morning and a meeting in the evening for those who work during the day. Please know that grieving takes time. You will feel better once you go through it. Please take care of yourself the best you can. Try to eat enough. When you feel a little better, going for a walk or any type exercise is healing. We care very much about how you feel. I wish you comfort and peace. Love and Hugs, Dolores
Hopefully this post gives you some understanding.
https://www.dailystrength.org/journals/when-your-loved-ones-just-don-t-get-it