Darcy, you sound so much like me. I know exactly how you feel . I still wait for him to come thur the front door. I say all the time, I don't want to do this :( I don't want these emotions .
We were married 36 years :( he has been gone since February 6,2016.)
All I can say is take it day to day or moment to moment. My favorite saying lately is "this to shall pass"
Take care
Patricia
xxxxx
As I tell everyone there is some great people here with great advice so just hang in there

Darcy i wish you the very best during your recovery phase. I lost my wife to leukemia on May 20th. I cried every night for weeks and still do, often, anything will set me off. I'm wishing the very best for you. Horses will keep you busy! My father-in-law here in japan has a horse farm and I have to help. I'm sorry your son is resentful. I don't get along well with my mom back in the US. I'm going to reevaluate that and make sure I am not doing anything to harm our relationship. The very best to you Darcy.

The thing that struck me was how final everything was. It has been almost three years for me and I miss him just as much if not more than the day he went to heaven. I have come to realize that his love is in my heart which gives me protection and strength forever and for that I am grateful. I still cry, I still talk to him, ask him for his advice and think about what he would have said when I am faced with certain situations. The saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" (Alfred Lord Tennyson) is true for me a his loved transformed me in ways that words cannot explain.

Hi DarcyLynn. Glad you found us. Here you will find lots of loving kind people who either are or have gone through remarkably similar everythings. It's a tough ride. Part of the human experience. Sounds to me like you need to have a talk with your son and his family. The deal was reduced rent in exchange for chores. He won't do them without an attitude. So give them an ultimatum. Move out or do chores (and give them a list of what's expected). Then rent it and use the extra money to help pay for a handy man to help. If they balk, tell them to leave and get an attorney to evict them if necessary. I am so sorry, but many of us had to change our "address books," in other words remove ourselves from those that we couldn't deal with right now. Grief is all consuming and we don't have the energy to be in compromising situations. Grief takes it all out of us, and you've got at a minimum a year of healing, most even longer. And your son is not in control of you. You are in control of you. That is part of our healing. We learn how to live with ourselves, our freedom, our liberty. Most of us didn't even know the "me", only the "we". Let your grief change you and you will come out of this a better person. I know I did. You will be okay. It may not feel that way now, but you will eventually. Surrender to your grief because you have to go through it, not around it. God bless and comfort you, which you know He already is. ~~~ Scottie

Darcy, I too just lost my beloved husband March 24, 2016 @ 8:14pm....time is passing and I feel like I am standing still looking through a window! I explained it recently as feeling almost mechanical at times, robotic!! I know there are things to get done and I do them, but it is simply passing time! I stay busy and my grown kid's and grandchildren and family and friends are great, but they have lives and then I am here again!! In all of this Darcy, I am able to witness with my very eyes, the GRACE of God...In HIS goodness and compassion, it is the ONLY way we can do this!! I truly do not know how people make it through this thing called "Life" without HIM..I am reading a book The Lori Story book called "When God doesn't fix it" has been such a raw truth and I will be doing a Bible Study soon on this! We were married for 41 yrs would be 42 Nov. 17th 2016. I met him at age 15 and married him at 17, so my entire life was with my "Life-mate" and best frined! I actually feel like those that explain when they have lost a limb!! I read this recently and is so how I feel!! "I believe the hardest part of healing after you have lost someone you love, is to recover the "YOU" that went away with them"!! I can only say....I truly feel your pain!! We will come through to the other side!!

All of your words are kind, and helpful.....Mrs G, I do feel like I'm looking thru a window..... And Scottie, I've had those very thoughts about my son and family....have even said them aloud, but not taken seriously.... I just keep praying..... This is all so hard...

So sorry for your loss. My husband also died from the same horrible disease. He had been in the military in his early years and cancer doctors thought he was exposed. He lived a very healthy life but this disease has no boundaries. It has been almost 28 months since he died. I really try to engage in life and make plans to get out of the house and meet new people, volunteer, take classes, joined a meet up group. All that aside, my heart broken that the love of my life has died. Take it all a day at a time. Much peace to you.

Darcy, I understand how impossible this seems. My husband also passed from lung cancer and hisupport time was short also. It's the hardest thing I ever had to live through. Just know you aren't alone. Being here was helpful just to talk to someone who understands. Sharon

This was the first time my husband was not at the airport to pick up me and my daughter from a trip we took. He was always there with a hug and a smile. This was really hard for me, more so than going home and not finding him there. My husband died of lung cancer too....he was diagnosed at stage 4 with only a intermittent cough. He went from strong to weak in a matter of 5 months. We were told with treatment he could have at least 3 years...but his heart could not take the chemo effects. He died within 5 month of his diagnosis. I miss him everyday......I talk to him as if he was next to me and that does help me. Always Sue

My wife Margaret was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer on August 19. She passed March 23. It was the most beautiful 7 months I have spent. It was also the most painful time of my life. The following 3 months have deepened my love for Marg. These months were and are also painful. We'll get back to being ourselves again, soon.

I have this new personality I don't dislike it...but shes louder than i used to be...lol. Everything in time, not too fast ,a little each day try and do something...

My husband died 2 1/2 years ago. It doesn't really get easier, it is more that I have learned to accept that he is gone. I had only 3 weeks from the time he was diagnosed. It hasn't been that long from today that I finally put everything in a good perspective. I made all of our final plans, and will have a head stone put out at our pond. His ashes are there, and that is where mine will go. Anyway, there is some peace in that. Family and friends had been trying to get me to move home to Indiana for months, and I wouldn't. I tried dating, and it was a comical disaster. There just is not anyone else for me. So I made my peace, and felt a huge sense of relief. I hope you find the acceptance that brings you a certain amount of peace. I've made a bucket list too, and it helps to have a few of my own adventures. At night, I talk to my Bob, though not so often as I used to. I still hear his laughter and see his smile. And, I am comforted. Perhaps you will find a way to reach this place too.

I'm glad you had 7 beautiful months with your wife, truly blessed to have those memories. My last month's were horrific for my husband...and I tried to put on a brave face for him. He was sick from the chemo, he couldn't eat, and he slept all the time. He lost 50lbs over night....I tried to get him to eat, to build up his strength.... His last month's were not beautiful... They were very, very hard....I'm sorry if I'm too negative, but hurting so bad, and getting thru this soon is not even in my thoughts....sorry, just been a rough couple of days....