My husband died a year ago in March. I'm like you, I don't have the gut wrenching grief anymore but I cry every time I think about him or talk about him. I miss him so much. I'm going on but it isn't easy.

I am a couple months farther along. I will be driving down the road and the tears just start out of nowhere. I never knew you could miss someone this much. Hugs to all .

It bothers me when I am out and about and get anywhere close to the cemetery, so that means Walmart, Winco, Safeway, Ross, etc. can be triggers. At a year and 4 months, I still can't wrap my head around this harsh reality. Gut wrenching grief has sort of turned to numbness, if anything. I still have occasional meltdowns. Someone asked me last night had I put any pictures up on my walls yet; I haven't. I am not sure I will unless I move again. I am still purging things that bring my grief around full cycle and back in my face. My days are either too short or too long, depending.

I'm almost 9 months along and also get angry at little things that never used to bother me. So, when my trigger flares, I take it out on my pillow a couple of times and it really seems to help for awhile, until the next time and goes on and on like a vicious cycle. He helped me with everything, we even went food shopping on the weekends together. Now I have to go alone, I feel funny, like I am all alone. I don't have someone to cook for and spoil. Then I see the foods he liked , especially when he first passed, I couldn't bear it. And we would split the bill, but I would try to spoil him with extra things he liked. I don't have him to spoil or love. My life went from Feeling safe and secure to scared and empty. He too fixed my car and would come to the rescue. Now I dread when I have to take it to get fixed, expensive and I can't even ask questions like he did and all. I am introverted so he did all the talking for me, with everything, going to the doctor with me or whatever. I have to watch TV programs and movies alone, feel so lonely, like a crazy old cat lady and I am only 57 years old. I am not young and I am not too old yet, but am now sadly jealous of older people I want to ready to kick the bucket so I can be with my best friend and confidante and my world again and my buddy (dog) Scooby Doo, sweetest dog I ever had and we were the 3 musketeers together, and my parents and all. I have back problems and aches and pains and have to change professions because of my boyfriend passing, too much damn change and am totally lost without him. And nobody to cuddle with, he was like a big teddy bear and held my hand every night going to sleep. Blessings to you all through this crazy journey they call life 101!! I am reading the book, Good Grief" now by There's Caputo, the Long Island medium someone loaned me to help me. It says our loved are with us all the time and try to guide us and help us through our grief and our life. And that they are in another dimension and are doing activities, Not sure what kind, didn't say!! It's just weird to wonder where they are and all and what they are doing. I've been reading different books trying to find out since he passed. I read, Embraced by the light" also, very interesting stuff, but a little confusing. But I know they are all happy and in peace with God, like Theresa Caputo says in her book, "Good Grief!!"

It has been almost 21 months since my Doug left me. I still have days when the tears just fall. Mornings are the worst for me. I wake up anxious and scared. He wasn't perfect, but he was pretty darn close. I always felt safe. Now, I feel so alone. We all need to keep reaching out to each other.

It has been many years since Rick died. I can tell you that as time passes now, the memories bring smiles, not tears. I found the first few years to be the most difficult. Excruciating is the perfect word for it. You will always miss him, but his absence will become more and more normal. Now, I regret the things that Rick is missing in my life and our kids' lives. I see that I have lived through it. Never thought I would, but here I am. You will too. I will be praying for you .