So sorry for your loss, I lost my sweet hubby the end of August and not believing this could happen is pretty darn normal in my book. Why would we want to believe this could happen? This is a sane reaction. Your mind and soul will let this in to your mind and soul as soon as your mind and soul can handle it...so for now...be at peace as much as you can be during this incredibly difficult time. For me, I have found that living from one moment to the other has been helpful...not easy to do and I don't always do it but when I look at the reality of a future without my hubby, I think to myself, "be in the moment, this is not now" and I usually grab onto something physical like a chair or table too...it helps to ground me...this has been incredibly difficult as I know that you know. I only want to offer you advice from someone who is trying to survive this difficult time as well.

Thanks for your response, hfpvc,
I'm so sorry for your loss as well. The disbelief that I feel is interspersed with periods of great grief - moaning and crying like I've never ever experienced. I feel like I'm never at peace and always hyper aroused.. My therapist says that's because of the trauma caused by the sudden nature of Matthew's death.

I have good new for you. You're very normal. hfpvc is right. It's not sinking in right now because you're not ready to handle it yet. And that's ok. I just passed the two year mark myself and there are moments where I can't handle it. The other thing you can try to help ground you is breathing. A counselor advise I focus on breathing out, as that can feel more cleansing. If you have any interest or ability in yoga, you can also try lying on the floor with your hands at your sides and putting your bum against a wall and holding it for as long as you can. I found it helps my body calm down and drains some of the emotion too.
Everybody's different, but you are normal. Big hug to you.

Thanks Mrsbruneau2 - I really appreciate your advice about trying to be grounded. My therapist recommended that I take long walks to make me feel "grounded" Thanks again...

Walks are great too. I walk to work and I find its helpful. And my pleasure. We're all on this journey that none of us asked for. We have to band together. as best we can.

I am so sorry for you loss. I agree with Mrs Bruneau. When I get those grief attacks, a coworker and friend told me to take slow, deep and measured breaths. It helped me get over the immediate attack and then I could try to concentrate on relaxing... Sometimes this works for me. .Unfortunately, I agree, these things are normal (at least for me)
Hope, Healing, Peace and Blessing for all of us tonight and for all that are hurting....Mark

Thank you for your good wishes, Mark. I'm suffering from a grief attack now - I mean, I'm emitting sounds that I can only liken to when one gives birth. Moans from deep in my soul. I just don't know how I'm going to ever get through this pain...

Kimbo- I know it feels like you will never get through it, I have been there, we all have and I do understand. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday, fast forward 9 months, it still hurts, but you will get through it, you will fall apart but you will put yourself back together. One day at a time, one minute at a time and sometimes one second at a time you can and you will do it. At 9 months I realize I am so much stronger than I was 9 months ago, and in another 9 months I will be so much stronger than I am today. We are all here for you, we have all suffered that pain and those attacks, today is a bad day for me. Sending hugs from Florida.

Thank you so much, missinghim - your post gives me hope that I may be able to survive this. I never ever ever thought I'd have to face this at 51 years old, but the fact that you say that you're stronger than you were 9 months ago after your tragedy, makes me think there may be a possibility that things will get somewhat better. I'll need to remember that during the times that I become completely and utterly distraught..

Thank you again for your post,
Kim

Yes very normal. The emotional part of me trailed the intellectual part of me. It doesn't make sense but that's exactly what happened. To be able to emotionally handle an event takes longer than I would ever think. It takes a lot of internal discussion for the intellectual side to pull the emotional side to go along.