My husband passed on May 4 and his birthday is May 28. Our 4 sons and I went to the cemetery and the younger ones brought presents and cards (handmade) that we left there. We had cupcakes that Rob always loved and sang happy birthday. If it wasn't for the kids though, I don't know what I would have done. Our anniversary is next month and I don't plan on doing anything except going to the cemetery.

Everyone's different, but I just wanted to be alone and go to the cemetery on his birthday. He was buried that day. The anticipation of the special days has been worse than the day of for me, except for Christmas. He passed away in the early morning hours after Christmas. You are in my thoughts. Take care.

I have not crossed those days yet and are a long ways off but as of now I would agree with others and just keep it low key. Next Apri Il might feel the need to celebrate her life. Just do what you feel you can handle that brings the least patn. Dave

I found that dreading the anniversary/birthday was worse than the day itself. Plan to do something and go for it. If at the last minute you decide to be alone...then so be it. Best wishes to you and hope you get through the tough times the very best you can. Cindy xxoo

I'm going to be on vacation on John's birthday. Our daughter and are are going to let off balloons over the lake we will be at. That was one of John's favorite places. His folks will be in Colorado on his birthday and they are letting balloons go in the mountains, another one of his favorite places.

For our anniversary in October, my youngest brother is in a band, John was also a musician, so we are doing a memorial concert so I won't have to be alone. I'll be with friends and family and that's what I want more than anything.

Hi Patti
I have the same dilemma so I wish I could help you. Danny and I met on September 11, 1970, his birthday is September 16, my birthday is August 11 and we were married by the J.P. on August 12, the very next day in 1972. On All Saints Day, November 1, 1974 we were married by a priest to solemnize the Sacrament of Matrimony which we really wanted in the first place, but we were happy with that. On Valentine's Day by simple coincidence it was February 14, 2009 we went to Church and renewed our marriage vows during the Mass with any other couples who happened to be there. I never imagined we were not going to be able to talk about our renewal vows the next Valentine's Day of 2010 because he passed away January 22, 2010. I was the only one of 7 siblings that married and stayed together for so long until he died. I always bragged about it to anyone who would listen that were together for that long. Now, I'm just heartsick and devastated and I want to not even mention it anymore to family or anyone. I never want to celebrate another birthday, and hope noone remembers, mine or Dan's. I'm just telling you all of us because believe me when I say I understand exactly how you feel. For whatever it's worth in my opinion you should do whatever you want to do, be with your family, stay close to those who love you, and remember it's just a day to be loved by those who are still here and if you feel like crying, it's understandable. I know it will be really hard for the both of us for all those days we cherished. But may somehow your day be brighter. I wish you peace. I will remember you in my prayers. I hope you feel better somehow.
God bless you,
ReneeArose

Those days -- birthdays and anniversaries are hard to bear -- and the days leading up to them, dreading them are sometimes worse. Like you, our anniversary and his birthday are 3 days apart. That is coming up in July. The first year after Joe passed, my chldren and their spouses and 2 grandsons went to a dinner/play (comedy), on the weekend before those days, so that we were together and we also had fun doing it. Yes, I missed him ! Also that year, on our (supposed to be) 39th anniversary, I was at my highschool reunion. I did the majority of the planning for it, but didn't plan on it being on THAT day. When several of us got together to set the date, that happened to be the date they came up with! At first, I almost panicked and didn't think we could do that. After i thought about it for a little while, I told them we would go ahead with that date. Everyone was so nice about it. They were willing to change it for me. I decided it might be better for me to be doing something rather than being at home crying. I was so busy the day b4 and on that day that it did help, but in the back of my mind -- our anniversary was on my mind. I was rather tired the next day and that helped too!

The 2nd yr (our 40th) I stayed in bed all day and cried. That is not a good way to spend it!! It is better to have something planned. I still would have cried but, I could have been doing something else and not felt soooo bad -- at least part of the day.

I do not know what I will do this time, but I probably will plan something. Hugs, Joely

For me wedding anniversaries are not really a problem (typical man!). On Ruth's birthday I keep a candle burning all day with a picture of her and some flowers arranged around it.
Christmas and Mothers' Day are the two worse times.

l always lite a candle for Franks birthday,and anniversry.l buy an extra large candle and keep it burning all day.The kids and grandkids always buy baloons and let these go with messages attached,this year l think they are also buying chinese lanterns.
l always prefer to be by myself on his anniversary,because l find it so sad,l always find myself in a church,and just sit there,its such a sad time,so l don,t want my sadness to be around other people,but when its his birthday,the kids and grandkids always come over,my grandaughter still buys him a card,its just her way,so l don,t try to stop her from doing this,we all use different ways of coping with these anniversaries,anything to get us through the day.
Alice

Rod passed the day before his birthday, and his mum passed 6 days before him. Last year I had the whole family here for a buffet lunch and in the afternoon we let 2 balloons go, with messages attached.
I'm planning on the same sort of thing again this year. I sort of think if it wasn't for the kids and grandchildren I would probably rather be on my own, but I'm not sure.
You should do exactly what you want to do.
Hugs, Angela

My husband died on Dec 1 and his birthday was Dec 11. We went out to dinner (Our kids and my mother). We will celebrate his birthday every year - he is just physically not here - but spiritually here.

All people are different, but being around others is what is helpful to me. When I am alone it is the hardest. I enjoy being able to talk about my husband so celebrating his birthday was a "good" day for me. I also want my children to realize that their father is always in their life - and to me this helps confirm this.

Barry died 12/15/09 and his birthday was 4/15/10. His birthday was the same day his mother died years ago. My mom died on my birthday in 2007. I didn't do anything I couldnt. I kept busy so I didnt think about it. I already went through our anniversary which was Christmas Eve. Those firsts are over for me but my birthday is coming next month and he at one time was a chef and he always made me escargot. I am really dreading my birthday now

My husband's birthday was almost 8 weeks after he passed away. On the day of his birthday a good friend of mine who had lost her husband 2 1/2 yrs prior and I drove to the Coast and we both released balloons with messages out over the Ocean and then treated ourselves to lunch at a restaurant nearby that had a view of the ocean. A difficult day but I knew that I didn't want to be home alone that day or at work. Really whatever feels best to you is what I would recommend.I'll be thinking of you....hugs Deb

My husband's birthday is approaching and I have mixed emotions. His last birthday he was having radiation and had pneumonia. The previous he was in horrid nursing home and he was too drugged to remember it. This year he will celebrate with his heavenly Father. I am not yet invited as my time is not yet come. I want to forget the last 2 birthdays and believe this will be his best birthday ever. My best present for him will be a smile and a joyful heart for all the days of our lives we had together.

My husband's birthday is approaching and I have mixed emotions. His last birthday he was having radiation and had pneumonia. The p9revious he was in horrid nursing home and he was too drugged to remember it. This year he will celebrate with his heavenly Father. I am not yet invited as my time is not yet come. I want to forget the last 2 birthdays and believe this will be his best birthday ever. My best present for him will be a smile and a joyful heart for all the days of our lives we had together.