Rambling thoughts. I get those. Strange what we just start thinking about out of the blue. I had a rambling thought today. What is it that makes death of our true love so painful? We all knew that both of us would die. Someday. That's key. Never thought about the someday. Never thought about cancer. Never thought she'd not be there. She always had been. Never ever imagined life without her. I guess I was angry at cancer, still am. I can only say, I hate cancer. And I'm angry that she died. And I'm not angry that she died. She's in a way better place in heaven. No more tears. She has stepped into eternity in the spiritual realm with Jesus, Father God, and all the saints. And someday I'll make it there myself. We took our vows, Till death do us part. We all know that someday each of us will die. Someday. Not a person around could ever deny that physical death is inevitable for each and every one of us. It is as much a part of our human experience as being born. Someday. The certainty of death and taxes, so they say. Thoughts are so fleeting. And in my rambling thoughts, I had perfect clarity that what I'm really angry about is death itself. Why does anyone have to die? Not fair. We don't want to talk about it. We don't want to think about it. And not a one of us really looks forward to that day, because we each know that we must leave this world and everyone still here behind. Death causes pain when love is involved. Deep pain. Pain most of us have never could have imagined possible. But pain subsides, only to be replaced with emptiness, then futile attempts to fill the void left within us, and at some point, we just step into a new life. But we've got to make the best of it until our turn comes. Someday. I thank God for all the "somedays." Because we don't have to think about the somedays. Sad that all our somedays turn into today one day. Not sure that I've figured anything out except that I don't much care for this thing called death. And yes, I still hate cancer. But I would have hated anything that took my Juanita away from me. Till death do us part. Those words carry real meaning to me now. To love, honor, and cherish. For richer. For poorer. In sickness. And in health. Seems those vows really mean something to me now. I'm so glad I was with her when her someday transitioned into her today. Now I'm thinking those somedays ain't so bad after all. It's only when when they turn into our todays that that they can smack us right side the head, knock us silly and take our breath away. I sure wish all our somedays became all good todays. Some do. Some don't. Most of my todays have been good days. But without a doubt, I know I've experienced the worst of the worst of my todays. Every other bad today will pale in comparison to that today she died. Take care my friends. God bless and comfort us all ~~~ Scottie