Hugs. Riding waves is how I have referred to it too. There is no other way. Keep riding them and reaching out when you need to. Hugs and love and strength to you.

I'm so very sorry for your loss At a month out I was just beginning to really feel the loss. I think I was numb the first 30 days It's a rollercoaster for sure and you can only survive one day sometimes one moment at a time. Come here and read what others have experienced so you will see hope for yourself in the future. I could not imagine surviving the loss I experienced for as Iong as I have. It's been 16 months and it is still a rollercoaster but the hills and valleys are not as high or low. I wish you peace on your journey

It's been 3 years for me. If there is a hospital or church that offer support groups it would be beneficial to talk with others who have experienced the same loss.
Do what you can, don't get down on yourself, tomorrow will come.
One day will be tolerable, another not so much, but life does level out.
Little steps...
Accentuate the positive, however small it may seem.
You can do it, you will survive, we have....
Keep the faith
jdp

You do it one breath at time if you have to. At one month in, you're still numb and fogged over for your own protection. Our minds just can't handle the pain and anguish we're in. Keep focused on taking care of yourself, eat, drink lots of water and as much sleep as possible. Grieving exhausts us quickly. I went so long on only getting 3 hours of sleep in my grief, that I fell asleep at the wheel while driving on the interstate and it was only an hour's drive. Fortunately, Lord protected me and me and the car made it back safely from the big ditch back onto the roadway unscathed. But waking up going 70 miles an hour in the middle of the interstate plowing snow is no way to travel. My doctor prescribed a 2nd anti-depressant that had the effect of knocking me out at bedtime. That is when I began getting better. We just can't function very long on a lack of sleep. As you progress in your grief, you will find that it controls you and in no way are you able to control it. But that changes with time. Eventually you will be able to choose the where and when of releasing the grief waves when they hit. And then those waves just keep getting farther and farther apart. And we all are able to function near normal again at some point. But we have suffered a deep spiritual wound at that is something that simply does not heal overnight. Our grief never really goes away completely. But in time, our thoughts of our departed spouse bring smiles because we retain those wonderful moments we had together and those will last us the rest of our lives. It all happens in baby steps, most of which we are unaware of. But then we find ourselves doing something that would have been impossible before. Use this time to figure out yourself as best you can. Writing helped me beyond measure. And although I'm still a mess when it comes to love, I've come out of the grief a way better person than I was before. And I've learned to enjoy my alone time. Matter of fact, I need my alone time. It centers me. Finally, you will heal. No time frame on that. Everyone is different as is our grief. But we all share commonalities, just the timing and order differs. And never look at the stages of grief as linear. They can hit us one at a time or all at once, some now, some later, and the stages can even come again and again. But remember, we must grieve. That is the only way we can get to the other side of it. Because if we don't allow ourselves to grieve, it will hit us eventually. Guaranteed. And until we go through it, we can never have our broken hearts healed. God bless and comfort each and everyone of us. ~~~ Scott

My grief process is a process of realizing deeply that I have to learn to love myself, because the person who did the most by far was gone. It is a dance that is half step forward and two steps back. But that half step will be the foundation of what you will re-build in your new life, your new sense of self. And it will be a more self-sufficient self that you will be building. I agree with Scottie that writing is therapeutic in the initial stages of grief. Also try to go outside a little bit if you can.