Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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ptorres 06/12/2015

I am new to this support group but I am reaching out for something that can provide some comfort for this unbearable grief I am feeling. My beautiful wife of 20 years died 118 days ago. She had been an athlete all of her life and up until the last six months of her life was a vibrant healthy 48 year old woman. She was having fainting spells and was seeing our doctor to try and figure out what was going on with her. One night getting out of the bathtub she fainted and fell on a small trash can breaking her ribs. She had a seizure and I called 911. The last think she said was "I don't feel good". She died the next morning from internal bleeding. We still don't know what was causing her fainting spells. I am 56 and never thought I would out live her. It is somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one who is suffering through this horrific time in my life. I am so sorry for the loss everyone here is experiencing but as many of you have said no one knows this kind of pain until you have walked in our shoes. I write this with tears in my eyes knowing I will never see her again on this earth. But I am hoping, God willing that I will see her again in a better place. I will need to lead a life that would honor her memory and I know she would not want me to suffer as I am but that is beyond my control.

ptorres 06/15/2015

Thank you everyone for the kind responses. I have been to several sites to try and express my feeling and try and work through this pain. This is the only site I have received so many comforting and kind responses. I will try and contribute in a positive way best I can as I now know that this level of grief is not exclusive to me although it feels that way. When one enters into a lifelong loving relationship it is 100% certain that you both will die at some point but no one knows when and in what order that may occur. That is why it is so important to cherish the love you have today because tomorrow it may be gone in an instant.

deleted_user 06/15/2015

Don't worry about HOW you contribute......There is no right or wrong way to feel. No one will judge you if you decide that you're just so angry, you're fearful of what you'll say......Say it!

One day, all I could say easily were bad words! I mean really bad words.......It felt so good!

Thank goodness for my dog Horton.....He NEVER tells on me!!!!!

Roz

loveddogs 06/15/2015

Ptorres I wouldn't be the least bit concerned if you said nothing but negative things. This pain is so raw and consuming how could a normal feeling human being not feel, pain, anger, frustration, hate, guilt, sadness, fear etc. Venting to others who are there or have been there would be much better than bottling it up inside until you explode. I love this sight. I see so many similarities in what other people are going through in this crappy journey. Hugs to you,

ptorres 06/15/2015

rozmorey, I have two giant dogs, a St. Bernard (Brutus) and a Bernese Mountain dog(Niko) and a tiny little kitty named Blue who is my constant companion.Thank God for these guys or I would have lost my mind. They give me some structure and routine as you can imagine I need right now. We have no children and these were her babies. I promised her I would be the best papa possible now that she is gone. Right now I prefer their company to most people.

Jeff-Bolen 06/15/2015

ptorres,

I too am very sorry for the loss of your dear wife. It's not something any of us wanted. You have found a comfortable place here where we all understand what you are going to and hopefully learn from our varied experiences. I know I have benefited greatly here from all these kind people.

I lost my wife do to breast cancer. It was less than 6 months from her diagnosis to her passing. I don't know whether you could consider that short or long, but I hardly makes a difference with grief. I lost her in September of 2012. Almost 3 years ago and its just as painful as it was the day she passed. Everyone here has good advice. Make sure you take care of yourself, eat, sleep, but also cry when you feel the need to. It is cleansing and helps you to cope. I still have bad days but mostly good. I have issues with special days, and I try to prepare for them.

Write anytime we are here for you. I will send a friend request. Take care, Jeff

lreyn330 06/17/2015

The more I come here the more I feel pain for everyone. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I to know the pain well. I lost my husband of 35 years 8 months ago. Everyone here is supportive and doing the best they can to cope. We all understand what your going through. Every time I read a post by a new person I am just at a loss of words for them. I know it hurts so much I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, so sorry. Know someone cares. Prayers for you. (((Hugs))) Linda

barbarame 06/26/2015

If only I could comfit you! I am so sorry to meet you on this path.
GENTLE HUGS ((()))

sable3308 06/26/2015

"But I am hoping, God willing that I will see her again in a better place. I will need to lead a life that would honor her memory"

Torres, your words above express exactly what I am trying to do, too. Every decision I make, I pray, is one that will honor Ed and the relationship we shared.

I am sorry for your loss,

Sable

perso 06/26/2015

I am so sorry for your sudden loss. I know the terrifying feeling of losing someone so suddenly. My story is a lot like yours. My husband died within hours of being a healthy, active man of 56 years. Nothing prepares us for this feeling of desperation, loss and vulnerability. It compares to having half your heart ripped out leaving a large void that demands answers. I take one day at a time now, it has been six months and the one true thing I know is Brian's spirit is here with me all day, every day. God bless.

lreyn330 06/28/2015

Dear Ptorres, my heart goes out to you. I can't tell you when or how the pain will get better. I lost my husband 8 months ago and I still cry every day. It is devastating when you loose you partner of 35 years. I had to make the choice to turn off life support. Your right no one knows the pain until they experience it. It is a horrible agony I wouldn't wish on anyone. All we can do is pray. I don't have anyone in my area to talk to. I feel so lonely. I don't know what decisions are right for me. My kids all 4 have different opinions so that isn't a lot of help. I know your pain, I know it all to well. Do you have children? You didn't say. I know we will all meet again one day. I have even thought of suicide but it is against my religion. Please hang in there. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better. Some told me " happiness is as inevitable as sorry" I try to remember that when I am in a ball sobbing. It has to get better. Other people go through it and survive. Take care and know people here care and understand. (((Hugs))) to you. Linda

joannklingaman 06/28/2015

The hardest for me, is that after 38 wonderful years of marriage & we had such a connection/love for each other and it seems every corner you turn the memories are there. Whether you turn on the TV or Music etc. there are the memories that are imbedded for a lifetime.

Of course those memories are my salvation and always will be !!!

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