I am so sorry for your loss. My Bob passed away on October 5, 2013 from lung and liver cancer after a 3 year battle of chemo and radiation. Chemo seems to be so bad and makes things worse for everyone involved. I cried continually too. I had to return to work two weeks later just for financial necessity. That helps some, I do better at work, but still cry at night in the quite house. People say it gets better, for me I have to admit it does seems a tiny bit better as the weeks pass. I know we are both in the early nasty stage of this but try and just do what you can, there is no right or wrong way. The people here have been great, you can just vent whatever your feeling and I guarantee they have been there too. It helps.

Maryking - sorry circumstances caused you to find this group, but it's full of thoughtful people at various stages in the process. My wife died in May this year after a 10 year fight with cancer ( you will unfortunately see a lot of people posting that their mate died from some kind of cancer ).

The best suggestion that I got that helped me early ( it still does, btw ) is to do something that will give you even a little enjoyment during these days. Does not have to be much of anything really, just something that will fire some happy or peaceful brain waves for a little bit. This helped because there can be an ocean of sadness to hit you.

In my case, I found these activities helped me a little, and I would try to work them in whenever I could.

Played video games with my grandchildren
Had family over for dinner
Walking - I started walking ( not much help to you now since you hurt your leg - but your leg will get better ). It's good for your body, relieves stress, can help you sleep.
Music - something that you don't connect with your loved one. When our daughter died I listened to Mozart for about two years. It helped put me in a peaceful place for a short time.

The other thing I would suggest is if you can see somebody to talk to regularly about what you are going through. My best friend lost his wife six years ago and we always talked to him every week anyway, so I talk to him at least that often. But you might find someone in your church, or hospice can recommend some therapists that are trained at helping people like us. Just so long as you are talking to someone who can listen to you without trying to "fix" you.

Just concentrate on getting through the current day. You will hear this from a lot of people, but that is because it's good advice. Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow...

Lastly, this forum has been helpful to me. I've read almost every post since I've joined because I have picked up useful suggestions from a lot of people here. Some are extremely kind and understanding. Well everyone is that way except me, I'm still working on that....

Mary so sorry for your recent loss of your hubby. It hasnt been quite 3 months for me yet and it does get a little better. I dont cry as much. I just try and stay busy. The nights are more difficult for me. They are so long here in Michigan and it gets dark so early. My biggest problem was not being able to sleep and that is getting better now. I would just lay in bed and not sleep. There are a lot of interesting posts on this site that have really helped me along this lonely path. God bless you today. Shiloah

Mary, sorry for the loss of your husband. It has been over a year for me since I lost my husband from Carcinoid Cancer. In this journey remember to take one moment at a time. Cry when you need to, and remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. We all are in different parts of the grief process, but we all have one thing in common, and that is we have lost the most important person in our lives. And we are here for each other. God Bless.

I am so sorry about your husband. My husband died unexpectantly, due to heart complications. He was only 59, retired, and we were living a great life. He loved working in his yard, so I have taken on that responsibility. I do not have a green thumb, but I know he would appreciate me keeping up on all of his hard work. I gets me outdoors, in the sunshine, and I know his spirit is there. I take it one day at a time, but I do have my moments too.

Hi Mary, I'm sorry for your loss and yet welcome you to the group. I was married 40 years to my high school sweetheart when he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He died 10 weeks later at home with hospice help. It's a surreal experience that I had trouble believing happened to us. I used to talk to my friends about not knowing how I would survive if something happened to him, but with the understanding of my friends here, I did.

We're here for you too and hope you find sharing and reading our experiences brings you a sense of peace. Sharon

I am so sorry for your loss and the additional stress from your injury. Crying is good, be sure to drink way more water than you think you need. If you go to stretch your legs in bed and your legs and feet cramp like crazy you won't be able to vault out of bed to walk it off until your leg is better.
This is very possibly the worst thing that will ever happen to you, it is horrible and an endless source of pain thinking about what was, what could have been and what will never be again. Grief is such a tumultuous journey, a real roller coaster of emotion and not for sissies, but people do survive it apparently. (or we've infiltrated a posse of compassionate typing robots) Hang in there Mary. We're on this journey with you. Wishing you comfort and peace. ((())) Sue

I'm so sorry for your loss hon. Reach out and add friends that comment on your posts that you see things in common with. It's always easier to have people that "get it". Feel free to add me.

The best thing I can tell you is to try to stay busy. Try to take your mind off of it.

My husband died suddenly because of a stroke but many in my family have died from cancer. so I do understand.

Hugs,
Steph

I, too, am very sorry for your loss. My husband died 14 months ago from side effects of chemo. I understand what you mean by doing everything together - Al was like that, too. He was retired and would drive me places & wait for me or volunteer at y work or the events I was involved in just so we could do things together. I would go fishing, etc., with him. The best suggestion I can make is to stay busy. I was scheduled to retire. but cancelled it and that is the only thing that saved my sanity. The majority of our friends and activities were "couples" and I really don't fit into the group any more. Some of the worse thoughts I've had since my husband died included the loss of some of my friend's spouses - only so they could understand how I feel. I've had to ask for a lot of forgiveness. Hopefully, your leg will heal soon so you can get out and take some walks - exercise is always good therapy!

The life you both weaved together is basically fallen apart and that leaves a very sorrowful feeling. It's not like you can simply go join a club or take up a hobby. Everyone here can relate to that. All one can do is begin to pursue and develop some other interests. Whatever is your passion, interest, or if you have a 'gift' for something focus on that. Whatever is positive activity right now - attempt to surround yourself with those things. We need a support system of family and friends as it is all the more difficult to do alone. You may have to give yourself a little push as motivation is certainly an issue. I've had to push myself to do things whether I wanted to or not. That helped, and kept me from falling to even deeper lows. God bless.