Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

sleepless nights

shaneslove
shaneslove
I am not one to take pills, but I have tried Tylenol PM... the doctor did give me a few Xanax in the beginning, but the most I got from that was about 40 minutes of sleep. The Tylenol is no better...

I have tried soaking in a bath for a while to help relax me, herbal teas, soft music,

I tried some lavender scented lotion from Bath and Body Works, called "SLEEP"... nothing (but I smell good...) I have even tried a shampoo for stress relief (also from BBW). NADA. I do not get much sleep... a couple of times I have gotten almost two hours, but I am not sure how much longer my body can take this. I keep hoping that I will eventually collapse from the exhaustion and get several hours of sleep.

Is there anything that anyone here has had success with? I would prefer to avoid medications, but at this point I am desperate enough to try nearly anything.
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
I avoided medications after my husband passed. Sleep - hard to get the rest after the love of your life is gone. The weeping was constant the first few months. For me, I would read or listen to radio late night talk shows. I also loaded Netflix on my ipad and would just watch mindless shows to get sleepy. 17 months later, I still go to bed late and get up early. Much peace to you...and rest...
dcheramie
dcheramie
i tried watching/listening too guided meditations on youtube..didnt work well for me..finally found some music i can play that will let me sleep..

this album https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xINhjmHGle0

or

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0RapkCJ-20&list=RDc0RapkCJ-20#t=14

Basia especially for some reason just lets me mellow out and actually sleep

music has really been the only thing to help me
kkg17
kkg17
I dont take any medications or even vitamins, but I started taking my husbands 10 mg Ambien after he died to help get through the night. You fall asleep a half hour after you take it, and wake up refreshed about 7 hours later. I dont use it much anymore, but when I have a big day coming up and need sleep, it always works!
sunny127
sunny127
I actually take a 1/2 a pill of Unisom. I've taken one every night since my husband passed last year. My problem is never falling asleep, but rather the staying asleep for longer than an hour. I have probably become immune to it after all this time, but it's my nightly ritual that I think is what helps me. I do the same thing every night the last half hour before bed and I think during that time, subconsciously I am letting my body and brain know it's time to start getting ready for bed. Maybe it can work for you.....
lonely60
lonely60
Getting a good night sleep has been a problem for the past year since Jeanne was diagnosed. while she was sick I stayed up every night with her and once she died the grief would not let me get any sleep. I have taken 2 Advil PM about once a week and most of the time I get one good night sleep once a week. Don't know if Advil is any different than Tylenol. You may want to talk to your doctor. A good night sleep is essential to getting through this difficult journey. Peace
tiger1962
tiger1962
I have taken medications. The sleeping bill is lorazepam. But I have been able to reduce the dosage from 1mg to .25 in several months. It helps. I can sleep about 6-7 hours. Hope you find something that helps you. Tiger
perso
perso
I found during the first couple months having someone else in the suite helped me immensely. It allowed me to relax a bit and breathe and get some sleep. They weren't there all the time just off and on and I found those nights I actually slept.
lostintc
lostintc
I also have difficulty with a solid nights sleep. I don't think there is one solution for everybody so you just have to keep trying different options until they work. 3 that have given me the most help are 1.) breath in, hold, exhale thru mouth. repeat 4-5 times and should relax you. 2.) 1-2 glasses of wine one hour before bed. no more than this or you will not sleep well. 3.) for those who are religious, relaxing in bed and saying favorite anti anxiety prayers for 10+ minutes has worked for me. I am also new to the loss of my loved one, but believe with time, my emotions will settle down and I will remember only the good times we had.
kelly1818
kelly1818
I put on a show that I've seen many times on Netflix on my iPad and turn away from the screen and just listen to it. Having something to listen to keeps my mind from wandering. Just make sure it's something you've seen before so you don't feel like you have to watch it, just something to listen to. It's been very helpful for me. I found listening to music or something peaceful actually made it difficult for me to fall asleep because it made me very emotional.

I also have used melatonin which I found to be helpful. I also found going on walks in the evening helped me sleep.

Praying for rest for you and your heavy heart.
Truhal
Truhal
Try ASRM. it's a sort of sleep therapy where you listen to normal sounds like hair being brushed or pages of a magazine being turned. There are people who swears by it. Free on youtube.

I watch old tv game shows from the 50s on youtube. That really relaxes me.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
After Don died I had trouble staying asleep, because he would hallucinate at night and I learned to be vigilant. I would get up and try to relax or write in my private journal what I was thinking about. Sometimes it worked. Then try to return to bed. I think it passed with time. When I have something on my mind I still have trouble sleeping. Sharon
Veronica77
Veronica77
I read an article by Dr Oz and he says to eat nuts for sleep. I find this works. Brazil nuts have selenium and potassium. Selenium is a strong antitoxin and eating too many Brazil nuts can be toxic. Two to four are recommended. I looked on google and it said to also drink some milk with nuts. I sometimes eat peanuts at night but generally eat a couple of Brazil nuts and found myself getting drowsy. This has always worked for me.
mrcliny
mrcliny
Ok, I too have getting to sleep at night. Try Montmorency tart cherry juice twice a day.
icezam19
icezam19
I find a podcast on iphone and lay the phone on my bed a few feet away from my head.. Keeping volume low helps because "trying to hear every word" somehow makes me sleepy.. My favorite app is oneplace.com. Five years after Bill died...........I still do this.
scottito
scottito
For me, white noise background is important. I either have a portable AC or a fan on in the bedroom. I'm about 3 1/2 months into this, and Monday was the very first day I was able to take a nap in the middle of the day (3 hour power nap). What amazed me was I dreamed, and as far as I know, that is the first itme I've dreamed since loosing my Juani.~ Scott
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