Hugs. I can imagine that would be so hard. My husband's death was no where near the bedroom but I still cannot sleep in there. I have gotten the advice to rearrange the bedroom furniture if you can, or get someone to help you do it. I think getting a new bed and certainly new linens would be a healthy thing to do.

I slept in our bed the first night and i enjoy sleeping in our bed. I have tons of pillows and cuddle with them all night and pretend it is him..we have had this particular bed since 1991 and its a waterbed. I like using his pillows too..i still wear some of his clothes when its frozen like his socks and longjohns..his pants i have to roll up but he had lost so much weight he was down to 91 pounds from 150 he was almost 5'9 . I am 5'4.5 yes..that extra half inch counts..Have a wonderful blessed day thats my intensions so far :)

My husband, Dennis passed of a heart attack in his sleep in our bed and I found him..
I have continued to sleep in our bed..It makes me feel close to him..I have his ashes in an urn, on our dresser with pictures of him and our daughters...I talk to him at night and in the morning and it gives me comfort..Its never made me feel uneasy, he was my husband and we spent many hours there making love, talking about our lives, and kids and grand kids...planning our next project..laughing..ect.
I guess it's a personal choice, that you have to decide for yourself....
Take care..Gail...
When someone you love becomes a memory..the memory becomes a treasure..;-)

Cliff died of a heart attack in our bed. At first I couldn't sleep in it and slept on the couch instead. Eventually I slept in it but only on my side, and had nightmares. I changed out all the linens, lamps, artwork, etc., and completely changed the room from "our room" to "my room" and that helped. My sister bought me a long bolster pillow, what they call a "body pillow" which I put on his side of the bed. That helped as I could bump into that in the middle of the night instead of emptiness. Cliff and I had slept together for 30 years - his empty half of the bed was veryhard to get used to.

I hope this helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My husband died in the living room in a bed that Hospice provided and, thankfully, took away after he died. However, for a year before he died, he and I both slept in recliners in the living room. The only way he could breathe well was sitting up, so he couldn't sleep in our bed. I couldn't hear him call for me from the bedroom, so I slept in the living room with him. For about three months I avoided that section of the living room. Now I can watch TV sitting in my recliner (and occasionally fall asleep there). I still don't sit in his recliner.

As for his bed linens, I honestly don't remember which ones were on the bed when he passed. I remember washing the linens that night but I was more or less on auto pilot and don't remember which ones were being used that day. The three sets of linen that were used on his Hospice bed are in a separate place from the ones I use regularly on my bed, so whichever ones he died on, I haven't slept on since.

I hope the responses here help and that you find whatever works for you.

Sylvia

what usually happens at night is I sometimes awake at the exact time I found him in distress. My mind sometimes replays everything that happened and since things Happened pretty recent it's hard to block it out. Thank you for the advice and suggestions I will try them out.

Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. I , too, woke to my husband in distress, and suffered from PTSD for quite awhile. At first I tried to sleep on the sofa. Eventually, I claimed a different bedroom and decorated it very differently from my old bedroom. I also had some family and friends remove the furniture from the old bedroom and put it in storage. All this being said, it takes a long time to discover your new life and to feel comfortable in it. Wish you the best!

Hi Hisuntouchablelive

It is normal to have issues with sleeping. You mentioned throwing everything out... you know it seems dramatic but if your gut is telling you to do that then do it! But I wouldn't stop there. I would paint the room a different color. Maybe put different flooring down if you can afford it. Definitely purchase that dream mattress that feels best to you. It is a bitter sweet thing. It needs to be done but when it comes to doing it don't be surprised if you have a flood of memories in technicolor replay before your very eyes as if transported to that time and place where it all began as if with each brush stroke or roll of the paint roller you are erasing the past. You are not! You will always have those memories in your mind and it will be cathartic to cry while transforming your new sleeping space. But it will be even better when you can walk into your room and think of it as yours not ours. And find it soothing and comforting and relaxing with just the right light, warmth, and comfort. It will allow your mind a blank slate to relax in. Mental breathing space/room will help you be able to process your thoughts and feelings as an individual without the constant reminder of hubby not being there. I needed to do that to my entire house. In fact I ended up selling it just so I could move on because it was literally killing me to stay there trapped mentally with his ghost at every turn. But I tell you what, starting out with the bedroom was a good place to start and it helped me get through the teen years with my boys and see them all through to graduation. It was only when I was faced with renting out their rooms to total strangers to make ends meet because they moved away from home that I threw in the towel. I didn't have good enough support to help me hang onto the house and turn it into income. That would have been the best thing to do for me, and I kind of get angry at the guy who was supposedly helping me. He really only saw it as an opportunity to line his pockets with money. He finished the renovations and turned around and sold my house for 30,000 more then what I sold the house to him for. I felt like he took advantage of me and there are tons of people out there that will exploit your grief for their own benefit if you let them. Beware!

I too was awoken by my husband being in distress. He was taken to the hospital by ambulance and neither he nor I had any clue that he would never come home. There is no easy answer to your question. After my Bob died I walked back into our bedroom and curled myself into a ball on his side of the bed. For me, I knew that if I didn't force myself to that I would not ah e been able to go into the room in the future. January 29th will be six months and my bedroom is still a confusing place for me. At times sleeping on his side of the bed and wrapping myself in the blankets that I shared with him is extremely comforting, other times the memories of that last night flood my memory and make sleeping much harder. I don't know how long it has been for you but I do know that it is normal, escpecially early on to want to change things or give things away because silently we hope that the changes will some how ease the pain. People had also cautioned me that if I were considering getting rid of or changing something that I sit with the feeling for a week before I made the decision. That has been sound advice because I have often found that what I wanted one day was often different from what I wanted a week later. People also shared with me that they made changes or donated items and then were panic stricken because they wanted things to go back to the way they were. I agree with having lots of pillows on the bed and sleep hugging his pillow every night. I am truly sorry for your loss and wish you love, light and healing. Make decisions that are best for you. Hugs, Laura

Yes, I understand, my husband did not pass away in the bedroom but he was in the next room, living room. He was having a low sugar attack, and I am a light sleeper, always have been, and I knew something was wrong so got up right away. He could not breathe, I was trying to help him, with sugar and water to bring his sugar up.... but he just starting turning blue, oh god, I called 911 and they told me to put him on floor, and give him CPR, I was so hard, trying to pull him on the floor, and not hurting him... but I did it and started CPR, but he was so blue, my god I was so scared and wanted to help him, but his heart could not handle the stress of his diabetes. I have this night mare all the time. I sleep in a different room, and province cause I moved back home, but the bed is the same, and it's still hard to sleep without him beside me... I am feeling so lost and alone without him. He has been gone eight months, and still feels like yesterday. I would say do whatever makes you feel good and safe, ❤

I awoke to my husband gasping his last breathes so I know how you feel. My daughter slept with me in the beginning. I decided I needed to change the room. I got new sheets, rearranged things, took down pictures - they triggered so much sadness when I went to bed and when I woke up. I have meds my doctor gave me for sleeping and I use them occasionally. I listen to guided meditation for sleep and have a essential oil diffuser that helps. I replayed everything over too until my therapist had me right it down (not in normal journal) and it stopped the movie from playing in my mind. I hope my suggestions help in some way. Peace and hugs.

For the first several weeks, I used a combination of melatonin and valarian root to sleep. My 10 year old daugther sleeps with me every night and that helps. It is very strange and lonely in the bed without my husband. I've considered buying a larger bed so that my 15 year old daughter can join us.

My husband passed at home under Hospice care. He had a hospital bed in our bedroom and after he died I had great difficulty sleeping or even being in our bedroom. I could visualize him in the hospital bed.
I asked my nephew to help me by painting our living room and moved my bedroom there. I closed the door to what was our room. Eventually I was able to make the previous bedroom into a new living room. Sharon

1/15 marked a month that my husband has been gone. My heart breaks for all of us who have gone thru this. I'm so glad I posted this because I needed to hear from others because I felt like I was a weirdo for feeling anxious about sleeping in our room and having flash backs at night and waking up startled. I decided to just put the linens away in a cabinet for now instead of giving them away, but I am keeping his pillow close for snuggling. Thank you for all of the advice.