Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My Joe went with the angels six months ago today. Last night I remembered how his last words to me were "I love you" and the look in his eyes as he stared at me. I wonder now if he knew this was the last time we would look at each other. He could not speak due to the trach in his neck and it was the first time since his accident that they woke him from the medication. I was so happy to see his eyes open but upset to know he must have been so scared.
I told him I loved him and asked if he loved me to try and answer by sticking out his tongue and he did. I was so thrilled to know that he was aware I was there with hiim. He had tears in his eyes and I just kept rubbing his forehead and holding his hands through his restraints. I only had but a few minutes and they started to put him to sleep once again. I asked them to give me a few more minutes but I could see him falling back into sleep. I told him to just rest and he would be ok. I now wonder if he though I was telling him that he could leave me now? He was suppose to be fine and get better...but the angels took him that night.
Last night there was a lionel richie concert on tv..how strange since "Say you, Say me" was our song and it is still my ringtone on my cell. I watched and sobbed for two hours as I remember him singing all those songs as we drove upstate for vacation every weekend.
Was it a gift from him that this concert would be on his anniversary?
I am just two weeks into leaving our home. The walls are bare and things are packed. I sat here, alone, looked around, listened to the music and cried like I never cried in all my life.
Why am I not any futher along after six months. I feel worse than ever.?
Ann
I told him I loved him and asked if he loved me to try and answer by sticking out his tongue and he did. I was so thrilled to know that he was aware I was there with hiim. He had tears in his eyes and I just kept rubbing his forehead and holding his hands through his restraints. I only had but a few minutes and they started to put him to sleep once again. I asked them to give me a few more minutes but I could see him falling back into sleep. I told him to just rest and he would be ok. I now wonder if he though I was telling him that he could leave me now? He was suppose to be fine and get better...but the angels took him that night.
Last night there was a lionel richie concert on tv..how strange since "Say you, Say me" was our song and it is still my ringtone on my cell. I watched and sobbed for two hours as I remember him singing all those songs as we drove upstate for vacation every weekend.
Was it a gift from him that this concert would be on his anniversary?
I am just two weeks into leaving our home. The walls are bare and things are packed. I sat here, alone, looked around, listened to the music and cried like I never cried in all my life.
Why am I not any futher along after six months. I feel worse than ever.?
Ann
You have extra stresses of leaving your home. I'm having extra stresses at work. My boss called me in to tell me "You are just feeling sorry for yourself". Among other things. This week they cut my salary due to "lack of productivity".
I don't want to turn this to a reply about my. But my point is at 6 months we are right where we're suppose to be. Be gentle with your heart. Breathe. We will survive this. (I'm going to try to take my own advise)
Good luck to you dear,
Hugs,
Vicki
It must be so hard to leave your house that you shared with your husband. I know quite a few on here have had to face the same thing. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs, Valerie
So, he did ask the angels who carried him off to let him do one thing for you and that is send the song to you so you will know his undying love.
Your moving on Ann, the tears are cleansing let them fall but know that God has opened the door to a new life for you and remember it is not with out your Joe, he is with you in your heart, so be good to yourself and move on, it will not only be for you but for him.
Always picture Joe dancing in the clouds with Carmelo, like I told you before, my sweet dear friend. Close your eyes and move we will all dance together.
Remember this song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmUDDxflt6o
Hugs & God Bless,
Judy
My heart is aching for you having to move but know that your Joe is with you and yes, I believe he sent that concert to you last night. He will be with you no matter where you go or what you do. Wishing you some peace in the days ahead..................hugs
His sons inhertied everything and they took all the jewelry I gave to him which did hurt badly. At least they didnt take his wedding ring. I still have that to hold on to.
I am trying to keep moving on, but this move to my daughters small apartment is going to be so difficult. I like having my own place where I can cry when I feel like crying and talk to Joe out loud all day long. I will just have to deal with it like everything else.
These markers are the hardest. No way to say they are not. 6 months is sometimes even worse than one year. EVERY marker is hard, but 6 months is still raw and realizing at the same time. the rollercoaster is non stiop all the time at that point if you are anything like I was.
And in the middle of all this you are leaving your home and watching all you had become what you had in the 'past" i know and it in a words PLAIN SUCKS!
but i have to say that as bad as it has been for you and I am sure all agree is BAD with what joe's children did, and all you have had to go through with renters problems fix problems with the house, and all the other things physical you have had to deal with, you are STILL STANDING. you are crying but STILL BREATHING and SURVIVING, and you will go on to keep SURVIVING.
That in itself is something to MARVEL at as my Greg would say. Be PROUD of yourself. the future IS scary. that's a fact, but somehow we DO make it, and it DOES get easier to handle day by day.
I PROMISE you it will.
Love to you and go on and cry. you deserve it. Then know that Joe is with you WHEREVER you go, and whatever you do. He goes too right inside you forever. That can NEVER be taken from you EVER.
Diane
MJ
His last words to me were not the best, he wanted to get up tp use the bathroom but could not in his condition so he got mad. I wish I had some better memories his last days. I have forgotten so much, I just don't remember anything.
As was said we are the same yet different...while each story varies a bit the pain of the loss and the aloneness is not all that different. Leaving you home and your things I am sure is very difficult but you carry your love for Joe with you wherever you are. I really believe they are with us for as long as we need them to be.
When you are at your daughters and you need to just "be'..go in your room or go outside for a walk or simply close your eyes and think of Joe and you together. when the tears flow out of the blue (as they will) so be it they are tears of love and believe it or not they help you and I am sure your daughter will understand. Don't hold them back if they are there, they are there for a reason, a release and usually afterwards we all feel a little better. Its yet another way you are still connected.
God bless you my friend and may each day get a little bit easier. When it gets real bad come here for a dose of love and a big hug!!!!!!!!
Sherbear2 (sherri)
Yes, marker dates, 1 week, 2 months, 6 months, 1 yr. etc. are so hard.
My Phil passed away 1 yr and 1 month today.
Ha, in a way, I was relieved when the year was over. Thinking that, would be the end of the dating of the time. I think it is a bit easier, but, for some reason, today, the the 15th hit me hard.
And yes, you watching the concert was a sign from your Joe. Keep your heart open, signs are all around, just know that they are real, and he is there with you, wanting you to know that. You will wonder at some things, but, know that he is sending them to you.
Debi