Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Single Dad

Kevin1975
Kevin1975


Hi, my name is Kevin and have recently lost my wife to cancer. Actually I lost here twice. About a year and a half ago she had a complete personality change, found someone new and started the separation procedure. Needless to say as I loved her so much I was a complete wreck during this whole time. I would constantly pray that one day she would wake up and wonder what she did and come back or at least be friendly tome again.



During this time period she developed the cancer but that only made her more angry which she took out on me as a kind of misdirected anger. So I had to watch her die from a distance, not able to comfort her in anyway. I was never able to get any kind of peace with her , she held onto this anger right to the end. I haven't found any medical information that says cancer can change a person like this but I have to believe that is what happened.



It's just me and my two boys and now that the adrenaline of re-organizing my life (for the second time in 2 years) has worn off and we have settled into a daily routine I find myself completely overwhelmed on what has happened and where I'm going. I spent almost every night crying for a year during the separation wondering what God was doing to me and now it looks like I have to go through it again, while rasing my boys. Only this time I have less hope, how do I get closure to this.



Thanks for listening.   


gregsbaby
gregsbaby
Do you have family/friends who can help you out? What about her side of the family? If they boys are infant/toddler/preschool age maybe you could try getting them into some kind of program to at least give you a few hours breathing time. It is very overwhelming and I'm speaking from experience as I'm having to raise our 2 year old as a single mom with no family/friends to offer support.

As for yourself maybe try to look around your area for grief counseling/support groups or get into family counseling (if your boys are of age to see one) or regular counseling. Whatever you choose just don't try to go at it all alone, it's okay to seek help! Sending big big hugs!
shelda
shelda
Talk about it :) No one here will judge you..my marriage wasn't perfect either...Hugs and light to you !!
Prashant
Prashant
Kevin i understand your situation and what you are going through. May god give you the strength to cope up. I am going through the same trying to raise my 7 year old daughter. Its a challenge and i cry couple of times in a day. You have to stay alive for your kids and do whats required and grow in the process. Hugs to you.
shel
shel
I am so sorry. It sounds like you have had a very rough few years. It sounds like the cancer caused a change in your wife's personality, but that is just my thought. Prayers to you and your boys. Hugs!!
Kevin1975
Kevin1975
Thanks everyone, I am getting good support, my dad brings and picks the boys up from school and her family has welcomed me back and will be a big help during summer vacation.
5years
5years
What a painful experience. My heart goes out to you and your children.
Maybe you have a bereavement group you could attend. Even being in a room with others who have lost someone may provide some type of comfort in knowing you are not alone.

My kids are now 13 &15.

You and your kids must be going through so much.
KnR
KnR
Hi Kevin, my name's Ron. I recently lost my wife and am raising my two year old daughter. I have support from family, which makes a big difference. When I'm feeling really worn down, tired, and sad I find it helpful to pause and ask myself what I need at that moment. Then I try do it, it may be a nap, to eat, call a friend. I'm finding that it's so important to be kind to yourself and to really take care of yourself. These little acts of kindness help to give me the strength to take the next step because sometimes that's all I have to give.
iiSUNSHiN3
iiSUNSHiN3
I'm so sorry that you've had to experience such pain and heartache. Having a family that supports you and aids you really does make a world of difference lean on them whenever you need it. I know it gets hard raising children on your own is never easy, but it is worth it. It's okay to not feel okay and right now there might be more bad than good days. But you will overcome this hardship.
-big hugs
luckydaughter
luckydaughter
Hi Kevin, I am so sorry that you have been through so much pain. Yes, I believe that cancer can change a person like that. Some types of cancer spread to the brain............my husband's did, and he was very confused at the end of his life. Also, just the pain and fear of knowing something is wrong can make a person act completely out of character. I was extremely lucky to have had a wonderful husband for 31 years but just before he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he was very mean and nasty with me.................................so completely NOT what I was used to! I am glad you found this group (although sorry you had a need to) and hope you will keep coming back here. I have been widowed for three months and I find this group enormously helpful.

Sylvia