I think people are afraid of upsetting you. For my anniversary, no one called or said anything. I was upset and said something to my daughter and that's what she told me. It must be worse, with you being sick and feeling alone. It will get better. Next year on his birthday, why not invite friends and family over to share stories about your husband. Do something in his memory, let him live on thru others. I'll pray for you, for health, for the pain to end, and for you to be left with sweet memories of your Joe.
Paula

I am so sorry that people didn't come through for you when you needed them. Deauxgirl had a great idea though; to have a celebration in his memory next year! It is sad when people don't remember anniversaries on their own, but often they do not. In any case, it sure sounds like you could use some TLC! Hope you feel better on all fronts soon!

I understand and have been where you are. It was only later that friends and relatives (even close ones!) told me that they didn't want to mention it because they didn't want to upset me and were waiting on me to say something first. It's hard for others to know what to do or say unless they're widows or widowers, too.

Being under the weather probably makes it feel even lonelier.

I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad.It doesn't help when people seem to ignore you but they are probably just not wanting to upset you. Please know that you are not alone in this journey. We all understand. Hugs to you Diane

Happy Birthday to Joe. I know you are celebrating this birthday in heaven and your tears have turned to smiles.

I make no excuses for others lack of compassion, but beg you to forgive them for their insensitivity. You have enough hurt and pain to work through without letting them bring you down more. People who haven't lived through the torment we work our way through can't imagine what our life is like now. I'm here if you need to talk. Take care of you, now is time for you and you alone to find the path to move through the pain. Big hug....Sharon

nothing makes this journey all to more hard is when we are ill and really miss having someone around to care for us or just know/care we are ill. It's true that most will just avoid the anniversary thing to stay away from causing any more pain and or hurting any more themselves. Agree that next time you just make it a celebration of a life and shared love. In the mean time just take care of yourself and getting healthier and read/watch things that are uplifting. I make a point of watching/reading something to help me to laugh at least once a day. Even if it's just at myself lol One moment at a time...one hour at a time...one day at a time...little by little.Just wait until the morning is what helps me to get past dark thoughts. Hugs, D

I'm so sorry you're suffering so much. It is possible that the people who didn't call are also suffering in silence. They may have thought it would be harder on you if they called and reminded you of your husband's birthday. It is so hard for people to understand that we want our spouses to be remembered. But people think that it's painful to remember so they ignore dates and anniversaries. I guess I was the same way. When my uncle passed thirty years ago, it never occured to me to call my widowed aunt and check on her on his birthday. I would have felt uncomfortable and afraid to do it. So I ignored the date.

Still, I remembered and loved my uncle as I'm sure your husband is remembered and loved.

Tru

It took me quite sometime to understand that people just don't know what to say! doesn't make it right doesn't make it wrong... just the way it is... i;m sorry for you especially when your not feeling well! i feel what your feeling... and hope for a different day! Blessings!

Try to be strong. You are in the first lap of the painful journey. Believe it or not, you will get over the pain somehow. The internet could be an outlet for venting, sharing your difficulties. Play some games perhaps. I will pray that you may have the strength and right perspective to carry on.

We are the major grievers everyone else goes on with their lives. We are sensetive to all occassions as they hold more meaning to us that anyone else. I always called first and made arrangements for dinner in honor of his birthday or Father's Day and even the first anniversary of his death. If I would have waited for them to take initiative to call me I'd still be waiting. Even though I was the caller, the response was always positive and we did well in our rememberances of him. I keep his memory alive, he was my love and I do so in honor of him,

I'm so sorry you are not only going through this huge milestone alone, but that you are also sick at the same time. People just don't get it unless they have lived through it. People have told me that they didn't want to make me sad so they didn't mention Denny. The thing is we are thinking of them every moment of every second of every day of every week of every month of every year for a very very long time and others mentioning them reassures us that they are also thinking of them and we are not alone in our missing them.

I'm sorry to say that I was just as insensitive to others that called me...like my mother in law...after she lost my father in law. If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone there and been an ear and a gentle hand so much more than I actually was. I did not call her or mention the anniversary of the date that he died. I did not call her on birthdays, just on holidays, but I never understood the raw pain that she must have been feeling. Even when she called I did not "get it" until I felt the same loss myself.

So I forgive the other idiots for their ignorance. Sad that we have to find out the hard way just how hard it is.

I hope you (physically) feel better really soon. The roller coaster ride of grief...well, I know it takes much much longer to heal...

lots of hugs to you..
-Diana

Happy Birthday, Joe. Maybe you know my husband by now.

Praying for you to have a blessed day...Kaaren

Sorry for your Loss hon.... and I hope whatever you've come down with passes quickly. Sadly, most people are standoffish when it comes to anything that might bring sadness or stark reality into their lives. Getting older you learn to reach outside of your own pain to comfort others. Some of it can surely be attributed to youth, but a lot is due to immaturity which can be found at all ages. It hurt's the most when it is those closest to us, who do not reach out and it is also sad for them since no one escapes these milestones in life but a few. Many in here; like me; are learning to make new friendships and family in places like DS and local support groups. The Bible verse that I cling to is
1Peter 1:7 which say's plainly that it is only those who walk closest to God, who are tried with fire; like gold, to refine it's purity; and as of yet, I've found no one in here that hasn't been tried with fire to prove their faith. The jails and graveyards are filled with people who lash out in their greif, rather than reach out to be comforted and or comfort others. You can be sure that your suffering does not, go innoticed by God. In this world, people used to be valued, above all wealth whatever their age or place in life. That world is gone, as we knew it. I think for us, that is the stark reality we face since it is unlike what we saw and learned as children, when these things happened to our grandparents. The post I started "Take a Moment, to Speak UP" was meant to help us, remember our value and how many lives we've touched in so many different ways and with all the different paths we've taken. Like the "Penny" which faces extinction, so are those who put other's before themself. For those who know how to truly love; like you; God will provide a way and comfort, if we give him time. The best thing we can do is stay faithful and try on a smile each day; no matter how much it hurt's; until we get it right. In that way, at least we, will be able and open to continue to reach out and hopefully be there for someone and change their life. God Bless and cherish each tear.....that is refinement in progress. Hugggggggggggs, Molly

So sorry you aren't feeling well. Often others just don't realize our everyday pain - they are busy with their own lives, and sometimes they might think that you don't want to dwell on the sadness of your loss, so they don't mention it. I love the idea of doing something to commemorate your husbands birthday - involve others - even if it's to share a pizza and talk about him - in your case now - chicken soup and rest is the answer. Be strong. When we are sick, tired, angry, everything is magnified - i sound like I know what I'm talking about, because went through it just last week! Peace and good health to you.

I also had high expectations after my Richard had passed. During the year of the firsts, I put together dinner out with two couples we were very close too. The five of us celebrated Richard's birthday at his favorite restaurant. I also acknowledged our anniversary. 2010 was the year of the seconds, and no one acknowledged either date, as I did not expect anyone too.

People don't forget your husband. I have found that even though they don't acknowledge his birthday or our anniversary, I am told that he is in their thoughts. I have also discovered that it is my responsibility to keep my husband's memory alive. It makes me feel good to talk about him or just mention his name.