I had to take additional time off of work. I originally went back and tried to get back to my normal routine, but it was too difficult. Your whole world changed in a short period of time. It is not taking advantage of his death to take time off, it is what you need and what your daughter needs you to do for her, so that you can heal and go back even stronger.

if you are able to make it work financially, I would definately recommend doing it. Otherwise you may have it worse later on, when time off is no longer available to you.

I wish you all the best. I know how hard this decision was for me to make, and in my case it was what was best for me emotionally.

I went to work two days after my husband's funeral. It was the best for me, because it made me get up and out the door, instead of wallowing in the bed all day. I'm around co-workers who care, give me a hug when I need it, or listen when I need to talk.

As for meds, I requested an antidepressant. On Lexapro, 10 mg. Also have had an antianxiety, Lorazepam, since my husband's cancer diagnosis. I only take .5 MG at night which allows me a full sleep. My counselor is not opposed to the Lexapro as it is a mood stabilizer, but she does not want me taking the Lorazepam during the day for I need to feel the pain of grief in order to recover. Masking the pain will only delay the healing process.

Sometimes you can't force yourself to have a clear head, but since my husband passed May 22, I can tell you I am better than I was. I don't know why, but I am. Hang in there like we all are.

This is an interesting topic you bring up as I struggled with the same thing after my husbands passing. I only took 2 weeks off and thinking back on it, I should have taken more time but I was so eager to get back into a routine.

The 1 year mark is coming up for me in a couple weeks and the anticipation has been overwhelming at times. I've been through a lot this past year and was thinking there should be some kind of post bereavement time off policy at work. I really think we all need time to reflect and refocus once we come out of that fog. So I went to my boss and asked if I could take the month of December off and she said no problem. I feel like this time off will do me some good so I can reflect on my accomplishments and basically regroup so I can start the new year off right.

Don't feel guilty if you think you need more time off from work. You have been through a life changing event and need time to heal so do what you think is the best for you and your daughter.

Well, I really have no choice but to work and I also chose no meds for depression, because I am supposed to be sad and that is ok. I had some sleeping problems, but it comes and goes. You do whatever you feel like, there are no rules, but it helps me to get back to normal to go to work. Whatever that is now "normal". As far as the sleeping problems...I called in once because I had only one hour sleep, otherwise I deal with it. Sometimes I take a sleeping pill.
I hope you feel better!
Sabine

Michelle - don't worry about being a bitch - some of is most likely due to loss of sleep, which is something all of us deal with. If it's affecting your health, then yes, take some time off. Being self employed, I couldn't take off work at all. For me, it was probably for the best. My mind was working overtime anyway, and I had to work off the nervous energy. I still couldn't sleep well, though! It took time, and it still comes and goes. Just do what you have to do - Hugs, Marsha

If you think you need more time, then by all means take it ( if you can financially). It seems like I can't get the smallest of tasks done. I try to make a list everyday, but sometimes I just sit and look at it. Since we were in business for ourselves I have to get certain things done each day, but the extras are just not getting done. Please take time for yourself and your daughter. Hawg

Michelle, I went back to work after three weeks when my husband passed away. My job gives you three days. I went back because I had taken care of all I could at home for the time being and I felt if I didn't go back that I would not be able to go back.I took one day at a time and said if I get through today I will go back the next and now it is okay. Some days I am sad and some I have to just take a deep breath and force myself out of bed. One thing helped is that I had 4 vacations in the months following after he passed to look forward to..May, June, July, and Sept. and a 5th one in December. I also have days off for MD appts. due to RA and I have taken a few educational days. So that helps tremndously. If you can financially do it I would take off if you can work it out with your job. Also keeping in m ind that you have a young one and days need to be reserved for them when they are not feeling well. I wish you the best.

Just a couple of thoughts. I wonder if the problem you're having at work is because that is where you met and it's a constant reminder that he's no longer there? I had a hard time in the early months going to places we had been to together - I had to start shopping at a different supermarket for a time, for instance, because it was too hard to go somewhere and remember being there together.

The other thing is that when you went off your antidepressant, did you consult with your doctor about that? Not all antidepressants will "make you numb" - it depends on which type it was, and you may need to try a different one. Also, if you stopped taking it suddenly instead of gradually weaning off it, that can cause its own side effects of emotional fragility, insomnia, etc.

I agree that most workplaces don't give enough bereavement leave - I only received 5 days, and went back to work after two weeks - I was most definitely not ready. It was pretty disastrous, and it scared the hell out of everybody I think. The boss finally donated leave time so I could take another couple weeks, which with Christmas holidays (it was December) gave me about 3 weeks to spend at home with my boys, which was something THEY needed, too. I think a lot of it depends on where you work and how your coworkers/managers deal with you. Mine were very supportive and understanding, and it was probably better for me to go back to work and re-establish some stability and routine in our lives. It was incredibly hard - I had grief bursts frequently and my head was often fogged and I was tired a lot, but having people around who would give me a hug when I needed one was priceless.

I just lost my husband August 5, 2009. I went back to work on Aug. 24th but for only half days. I would not have been able to handle anything more. So far I worked Mon. Tues, Thurs and Friday. Then the following week which is this week I already had put in for vacation Thurs and Friday so I decided to take them off for a long weekend since Monday is a holiday. My goal next week is to work until 2PM. I kind of wished that I took off more time; however I think the sooner you get back to doing a routine the better off you are. I am fortunate to work for someone who has allowed me all the time I need to take - no questioned asked. There are days that just the look on my face says it all - everyone knows it is a bad day. Keeping busy is probably one of the best things to do. I also have had nights where I just toss and turn. If I am having a really bad day, I leave early. It is an hour ride to and from work which is one of the hardest for me because I would call my husband every day both ways. I cry and scream on some days and even found that one day I made it all by myself without calling any of my friends. I guess in the end, you need to find out what really works for you. If you already stared back to work, see if you can cut your hours back for a few more weeks to give yourself a little more time.

I lost my husband 14 months ago, and felt the need to revert back to a routine as quickly as possible-The only positive result was that I was forced to focus on other issues and not on myself..The problem with going back to work too soon, means that you do not give yourself enough time to grieve properly-I had to be disciplined in my grieving, only being able to cry when I was alone at night. I was sleep deprived, as I barely slept, and by the time I reached the first anniversary, I felt totally burnt out.I also did not believe in taking any medication-Subsequent to all of this I have taken a long vacation, and am feeling refreshed, energized, and optimistic about my future--I believe that while I was working in the early stages, I was not effective at all-Based on my personal experience, I agree with your Counselor's advice- if you have the means to take a break, you should. As I have no experience with medication I would suggest that your doctor is in the best position to help wean you off your medication gradually, from what I have heard the side effects of stopping immediately can cause emotional problems. Take time off to be kind to yourself..catch up on your sleep..your outlook and your ability to think clearer will improve once you have had some good sleep. And most important of all continue to see your Counselor and talk as much as you need to about your husband,and to anyone else for that matter, who is willing to listen- Focus on being well for your sake and your daughter's.And most important of all do not feel guilty about doing this for YOU. Good luck with your decision. Hugs Janine