My suggestion for you would be to try counseling first, and if that does not help, then add medication to the tools you need. A face-to-face group would be good if there is one you can get to - hospice runs groups, or if you belong to a church your congregation may have one.

Regarding counseling and medications, there is something most people don't realize: You don't have to be in counseling or on medication forever. Just like if you had broken a leg you wouldn't need a cast permanently, just until you could get started walking or limping on your own.

I had counseling, and it was a huge help for me. My sons both had counseling, too, and it was a huge help for them as well. My younger son got his for free from the school psychologist, and with additional help from the school guidance counselor. Made a big difference.

You've had a life-changing disaster. It's okay to need help, and it's okay to need medication to help you, too. Medication may help you see more clearly the reasons why you will want to carry on. And YES there are many reasons to keep going. You already know some of them. Counseling and medication may help you find the rest of them.

You are not being punished. It will feel like that a lot of times, but honestly that is NOT what has happened.

Hang in there, you can get through this. And there will come a day when you will be able to look back on this time and be glad that you did keep going. I am over 4 years out as a widow, and I can tell you that I was so very tempted to end it all, but fought it, and I am so glad I did. It was worth it to keep going and I am so glad I did - I wouldn't have wanted to miss some of the things that have happened in the last 4 years.

I hope today is a better day for you. Love and Hugs to you and your little one, Martha

Thank you all for your support, I have been in counselling since Ric died last year, my son is also having counselling. I've joined a local widows group, my first meeting is this weekend; I've been doing a collegecourse, and voluntary work since October last year too. I am and have tried so hard, I'm also looking for another job, as I can't possibly work for the company who treated us so badly. I know I'm doing all the right things, my counsellor told me so, I just feel so black about life without Ric, and my son having no daddy. There's no pleasures in life - I love my son more than anything but hate how he is having to see me like this, and hate the fact that he has to suffer too. I'm just balancing near the edge, and it's so hard.

Nicola

I am only 3 month into the accidental death of my husband also. I was pretty much numb all this time but things have now spiraled out of my control and I am exactly where you are at right now. I also have a pernamanet disability that has caused me to have to leave my job last year and sit home all day unable to get out or around. I consider leaving this earth every second of the day...as you say I am also in a very dark place and afraid of what I might do.
My children are adults but they have seen so much loss in their lives that I keep thinking what it would do to them if I took my own life. They have begged me to stay here for them and that just breaks my heart even more.
I have been on low dose xanax for my inner ear disorder for sooo many years so I am afraid to take anything else to help myself. I have not bereavement group except DS since I cannot drive to get to one as well as no therapist.
I think we both need to face this head on and see if there is something more we can do to get back into the light again. I have been up all night long thinking of the same things you are and I am so happy I read your post this morning. We are NOT alone it seems and we have to take the advice of others on this journey that we will someday start to live again. If this include medication for now, I guess it is the way to go? You are welcome to email me anytime since I get them right away and talk. Much love from me to you, Ann
newbeginnings134@aol.com