WOW..this is a tough one. I really don't know the whole situation so can't give a specific answer ..but ..just from what I am reading here it appears if malpractice lawyers won't take the case perhapsthere isn't one. I anly say that because malpractice lawyers generally don't turn down cases with merit.

My dear friend this may be a situation to "LET GO..LET GOD!" It seems it may be making things even worse for you (if possible) and not allowing you to grieve, which you must do to survive. I am so sorry for what you are going through and I know we all look for answers as to WHY and cling to every chance for a revelation. But in the end no matter what they are still gone and we must try our best to carry on and deal with our loss.

I may have missed some pertinent details and be off base in my reply, and if so I am sorry...but no matter what you decide I want only what is best for you and hope you can find some peace and it is possible that can't start until you let go.

God bless you my friend I pray you find the right answer to move on and begin the healing process......Hugs Sherri

Was it really "God's Will" that he die that day? WOW That is a question that we ALL including me ask, and if so, WHY?!?!?!?!?

I can understand your need to get some 'justice" for what was a silly mistake that you are feeling cost him his life, and YOURS in the process. I REALLY do.

Greg had a TIPS procedure in the process of us trying to get ready for a donor. i was VERY MUCH against this procedure because all the research I did on my own sdaid this was 50/50 meaning that....you know. BUT the docs convinced him that this was something that would prolong his life, so he did it.

It wasn't a wekk later that things REALLY started to spiral for him for us for all of us. He had the procedure on Dec 15th, came hom Dec 18th (my bday), and by December 26th, was really feeling ill. Back and forth to the many many docs for this and that. Adema getting worse not better, fluid around his lungs, his heart, drainings, and things that until then were just a bi monthly occurance became almost a daily happening. Worse in sleeping, eating, EVERYTHING. Went to the hospital for a draining procedure for his abdomen and looked worse coming home than going in. 30 hrs later after they had twold him his heart was fine and 'good to go" for transplant that would have been on Feb 3rd, he had a heart attack on the 31st. 24 hour later intubated because of fluid in the lungs intubate AGAINST what I wanted, but he had no fight left. 3 days later, saying goodbye to my EVRYTHING in life. My prince, my saviour, my kids saviour my entire reason for being here still.

and YES i wanted some BUTTS!!! BUT as the time passed, and i started thinking a bit clearer if that's possible, as much as I can take them to court, MAKE THEM pay even if just through a court battle...in the end will that bring Greg back? will it make me any BETTER? NOPE it wouldn't, so I pretty much did let go, and realize that there was NOTHING that would have stopped this. If there was byu sheer will....I would have done it already just like YOU would have.

Keeping feeling like that only makes things worse if that's even possible. I know when I let that thought of making them pay go, I felt better. Now with me there were questions but i also know that Greg did say OK to these procedures. In your case it is different. I'd sit down and take a REAL look at what happened, and then make a decision. without all the emotions I know you are feeling.That's what it took for me.

I HOPE that whatever you do do, it gives you peace of heart. THAT is the most important thing you can do now for YOU as well as for HIM.

I hope that helped to know youa re not alone. EVER. And what you are thinking many of us (ME) have thought about.

HUGS and much love with peace wished for you

Diane

Annie, I have many doubts and questions that the Hospital never really answered, but I know litigation is a stressful process, even if you have the best lawyer. If you can, let divine justice take care of things, the legal system is a complicated one and if you are not strong enough, it can destroy you. I know I could not handle it now. When my husband died so unexpectedly only a day from going home, I was determined to take the hospital to task, but as time has passed, I realize that nothing I do will bring my husband back and I would not be able to heal by holding on to the pain of his untimely death. May God guide you and help you to let go of the pain so you can hold on to the Love. Hugs! Connie

My husbands doctor had recommended he get a colonoscopy I think in January. My husband decided he didn't want to have it so he cancelled. When he went in for his diabetic check-up in September the doctor said he wanted the colonoscopy because he suspected cancer. My husband was dead less than 8 months later.
The thought that always haunts me is why he didn't tell him in January why he wanted him to have it so maybe he would have taken it seriously, then would it have made a difference?
I think that will always bother me like this bothers you, but the truth is I still have to accept where I am.
I agree with the others that though there may have been a mistake, there doean't seem to be enough there to make a court case of it.
I will be praying for your peace of mind.
That's the hard part..

Oh Ann, I really feel for you. This grief thing is terrible enough without the extra things you have to face.

There were some issues with the hopital for my Charlie, too, although maybe not as clear cut as yours. I did speak up when I thought things were not done right (While Charlie was intubated he painstakingly spelled out to me one day "Don't be a mouse" and believe me I never was or will be again). We had so many different doctors and I couldn't always find connections in the various treatments. whether any of the problems led to his death, I don't know.

I had confusion for a long time and finally got a couple of his doctors to meet with me so I could try to wrap my mind around all that happened. In the end, I think I was satisfied that what could have been done was.

You have to decide in your own mind if what happened to your husband was their fault. Believe me if I thought the doctors and hospital were at fault I would feel I owed it to Charlie. the money would not be important.

On the other hand, if you yourself are not convinced maybe you should seek some explanations instead and try to find some peace, .You could fight on and on and maybe even win, but in the end you would still be left with what we all are - the ones we love are gone and not coming back.

You are still here and need to take care of yourself.

I wish you peace, Julie

I hope I can offer some words of support. I too am going through similar emotions at the moment. I have made a complaint to an independent health review body which has looked into my partners missed diagnosis and death. They came back saying the hospital was not at fault even though the reasons are not outlined. Just a small paragraph response stating this.

I really dont know what to tell you to do. I am now thinking about getting the medical records so I can peruse them myself. I have resigned myself to the fact that legally, the doctors probably covered all their tracks. I know errors were made but in our situation I dont think there was probably malpractice. He didnt have a common disease and also not a typical form of it. They probably didnt get treatments spot on and I question a lot of the delays in treatments, etc.

I am finding it hard but to accept that these things happened. Like you said, it is our precious loved ones that we are talking about- that is a big enough reason to delve further into what has happened. All of our situations are different and I dont know everything about Joe's passing and treatments. However, I am starting to realise even though I could not see it, death was knocking on my darling's door for some time. A proper diagnosis may have saved him for a lot of suffering but I would lose him one day. I still find the errors made cruel but I am slowly realising he was sick and the doctors had no intention in making him worse. It was the illness or God trying to take him perhaps, not the doctors.

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time with estate issues, etc. It is disgusting that people cant put things aside like money and estates and leave people be. Keep going fighting this though. Obviously Joe loved you deeply and he would not want to see you in pain. It sounds cliched, but I think our partners would not like to see us troubled as we all are.

Good luck and keep coming on to here to express your feelings and let us know how you are doing.

Thank you everyone for your words and help. It takes so much strength to fight so many issues since Joe died. Besides his family and the estate issues, having to sell our home and the malpractice battle..I am worn down to nothing now.

Joe was in an accident but was fine at the hospital, no broken bones just a muscle injury to his leg. He was talking and ready to be transported back home to queens on the third day. For those who do not know the case: He was given valium and a dilaudid on the third day for muscle pain. Within an hour he went downhill and unconscious, then into respiratory faliure and put on a vent. They said he would be taken off the vent in a day after the drug wore off. Instead they coudl not wea him off, he developed pneumonia and sepsis and died suddenly two weeks later after they put a trach in.
All the lawyers have read the 650 pages of medical records I got and say there were many mistakes made, but because he had underlying issues (bypass surgery 10 years ago) they do not feel that the case would be big enough for their firms to take it on?

I feel like I am doing such an injustice to Joe by not pushign forward but I am just so tired and after almost 8 months i have become seriously depressed and wishing I could end my own life now. I dont know how some of you can move on. I wish I had your strength and endurance. Ann

Annie, I know how exhausted you are and how much you love Joe. He would not want you killing yourself like this. A settlement won't bring him back. I know that you could use the money, but his family would find a way to take it from you. You just need some peace and rest for now.

It sounds to me that you have enough on your plate dealing with his kids and the courts. If four lawyers said no, then they would know that there isn`t any money there.
Maybe , if you think it would make a difference, try to educate - or get your story out there in some way , so this won`t happen to someone else. Thats worth more then anything you could possibly collect. Just a thought,sounds like you could use to de-stress a little. Keep us posted on how it is going with you - we care.. G-

I am so sorry for all you have been going through. Losing our love one is enough to carry, but you have legalities as well. My advise is right now start thinking about you. What you need mentally, spiritually, to survive this loss. Its not an easy task, but very necessary. Some things can not be changed. You have done your best and we have all gone through the "why did this happen and who is to blame"

But it did happen and sometimes the why has no answer. Even if you can prove fault, the truth remains you are a widow. Let yourself grieve that loss, cry, pray, whatever you feel you need to do for you. You aren't alone, we are all here with you. Sharon

Grieving is exhausting without having to deal with other issues. Maybe you can just step back from considering the legal issues or malpractice in Joes death for a little while. Is there any urgency or time frame needed in litigation with medical malpractice? I dont have any idea but if not, maybe have a little bit of a break from it so you can catch your breath.

I know that is easier said than done as you feel you have to press on for your darling. Did you ever get his medical records. I am considering this as I made a complaint to the hospital and an independent body and they came to the same conclusion. Should I accept it or push further. I feel like the medical fraternity is a bit of a club where they protect each other. Maybe I am just cynical but I have a bad feeling about my partner's treatment and death. Very early on in hospital they said he will most likely walk out of hospital quite soon. No, he died in hospital due to stuff ups and delays. There are so many unanswered questions. I am exhausted. I have taken a break from it for a bit. It is exhausting pushing on with it. I too dont know whether I will press on in looking further into his death but for the time being am on pause.

Please keep going and look after yourself. Come on here or send me a message as we only have each other on this site sometimes. That is certainly what it feels like

Take care.

Your all right. I need a time out from all of this. Between estate lawyers, criminal lawyers and malpractice lawyers, I cannot handle it all. I have problems with my memory already from my illness and do not know who is who anymore.

I keep saying to my girls that I just want peace in my life. I want Joes sons to stop sending these law suit papers to me for money I do not have. It has run over 15K so far in lawyers to protect myself from them. I cannot imagine how Joe would react if he knew how they were treating me? I miss them and love them despite all this mess and wish I had them to talk with about their dad and the memories.

The sun if finally out here in NY today! I felt it hit my face this morning. Maybe it was a kiss from Joe to wake me up and breathe again~~ Thank you all Ann