Jewels, I'm so sorry for loss of your husband Tom. I'm glad you found this site. My profile is open so I won't go over my story I have described it there. The kind hearted people here have helped me immensely. The most important thing for now at this very early stage of your grief is to remember to take care of yourself. Eat, get rest and remember to breathe. I know remembering to breathe sounds silly but I remember crying so deeply I wasn't breathing well.

I hate it that anyone has to come to a site like this but very thankful it exists. Come here often, post or just read. Remember we are all here for you, we are all walking the same journey.

Jeff

I was the same way. I couldn't believe the things they complained about.
I felt like don't you know I just lost the love of my life. How dare you complain.
My grown sons felt the same way. We all still struggle with not getting angry with people.
My Tim was amazing, patient and kind, so the kids and I adopted a saying "what would Dad do" WWDD. When we feel ourselves getting irritated we stop as say WWDD. That has really helped us.
I know that we will be changed forever because of losing him but we strive to be better, kinder, more patient people.
Hugs, Sandi

Sorry, I wanted to address your anger you mentioned but I forgot as I was typing.

I was very angry for a while. Mad at God, mad at almost anybody and everything. I have since rid myself of that because it was unfounded. Nothing anybody could have done would have prevented my Donna from passing. The doctors and nurses did all they could. I now know that, but it took a while. As far as rude and stupid people, I think people mean well, it's just a hard thing to talk about for those who have never had this kind of loss. I was very close to my Dad. I did CPR on him for 20 minutes before the ambulance got him. He passed at age 58 way to young. I really took his death hard, for years. Sometimes when I look back I still cry a little tear for him. BUT, his loss was nothing compared to loosing my wife of 40 years. That's why I think most don't understand, but someday they will and then will get it.

Sorry for the second post but don't be angry, " for they know not what they do"

Jeff

Thank you it just helps so much that others understand. So many people just seem to think that your outward appearance of normalcy
means you are doing ok.I just really appreciate this site for you all
that understand it really helps me. Thanks so much

I am sorry for your lost , I could not go back to work right away. I work part time with children and I knew that I could not have the patience needed and I was lucky enough that the school I work at understood.
Our priority certainly shifts . I have acquired the zero tolerance petty complaining.

Jeff, I understand what you are are saying totally I am a Christian women and know that my feelings are not rational. I pray with time
I will be able to work through this. Tom and i had just celebrated our 32 year anniversary I am just grateful we were able to have that together. God is good

I understand the short fuse. They have no idea until they walk your walk. I am praying that you will be comforted and find peace. This site has been a blessing to me. I have been on since August 2013. I hope you keep coming as it will be a blessing to you also.

Thank you so much for the support I am receiving here it helps

hello, I am so sorry for your loss, It is a journey that will take you up and down before you know what hits you, just remember to breathe, eat and talk about it, talk about your husband and talk about all you are going through. Nobody will really kno what to tell you, ask you etc. so try to speak up when you need something. I also lost my Stevan to a sudden heart attack, he was 3 days shy of his 60th b-day, I am 8 months out and still miss him terribly all day long, but time has healed me some, not a lot but some, things ease a little as you progress through this journey and you may not see it yet but you will when sometime passes and you look back to where you were and where you have been able to go. I hope you get the help that so many others here have gotten, the support, kindness and compassion here is what got me through some of the most trying times. I wish you Peace and Love Laurie

Please accept my sincere sympathy at the passing of your husband Tom. I hope that you will find the same friendship, understanding, and compassion that I have found on this site. Like Jeff, I won't recount my entire story; it's in my only journal entry here at DS.

In time, your anger at the frivolous complaints of others will diminish. I felt that way, too, at first; however, I now seem to have more patience and compassion for others than I ever had before.

Try not to let it get to you, especially at work. God bless you.

I too am so sorry for your loss. It all does seem trivial now what couples seem to bicker about. When I see or hear a couple bickering, I just feel sad. Feel like we all know this secret now and how precious that relationship should be and how fragile life can be.... Again, so sorry for the loss of your precious husband Tom.

I didn't experience this when my husband died suddenly but did when my mother died. I found myself getting very irritated at work with people who did nothing more than spend too much time at the copy machine or block my way when I was running to take care of a business matter. My irritability was temporary of course but it seemed to be because I was weary. It's only three weeks for you and I am so sorry for your huge loss.

You're not alone. Five years out, and I still do not tolerate the petty whining/complaining of others, especially with things they can't control (i.e., weather, medical benefits, etc.). Sometimes I ask them to take it somewhere else for they are not aware of what a real problem is. I just have to shake my head for they don't have a clue.

There is a low tolerance for the stupid questions/comments that come out of peoples' mouths. They may believe they are helping, when all I want to do is pull their tongue out as far as it will go, let go of it, and watch it snap back into their head. Just like in the cartoons. Anyway,

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. You will find this site very supportive.

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to an unexpected heart attack, also, and had a lot of difficulty going back to work. One of the things that really helped me was counseling which I received for free through an Employee Assistance Program at work. My bosses knew I was getting counseling through the EAP, which also reassured them that I was doing my best to cope with things. You might check to see if you have something similar through your work.

The reactions and comments I got at work ran the whole gamut - some people said the most incredibly insensitive things to me, some were just plain strange, and some of my coworkers were real angels who gave me a lot of support. You can expect a whole range of responses to your situation.

I did have to watch the anger - it surprised me how angry and impatient I became. To help cope with it, I walked on my coffee breaks - getting outside even for 5-10 minutes helped me clear my head and calm down. I also journaled on my lunch hours - often just stream of consciousness stuff, but sometimes it was all the frustrations and anger and fears my situation created.

At home, I pounded my pillows with my fists. I needed to have a safe way of getting it out of my system, especially away from my kids, and this was an easy way to do it, and it had the bonus effect of fluffing up the pillows.

I am sorry you are going through this - I wish none of us ever had to. I can tell you that it won't always hurt like it does now. You will always remember them and love them, but you won't always suffer like you are right now. You CAN get through this - don't give up.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I'm sorry that you lost your husband but don't feel like you're alone. My husband passed away in May, 2013 and I found myself doing and feeling just like you described. I would hear people complaining about their husband and I would think, "I wish I still had my husband to complain about" and other times they would be complaining about this, that & the other and I would think, "I wish that was all I had to complain about". I wanted to tell them to appreciate what they had but I would bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut. Just remember, you're not alone. This board is a big support site