Don't be so hard on yourself right now. If is is any consolation, my husband could not fix one thing. His redeeming quality was that he could cook.

Maggie

Garmel You and I are thinking the same way. Nothing is worth anything without someone you love to share things. I loved our life, our home, and now it is just a drudge, each day..One foot in front of the other, thinking of what we did together on the farm, everything reminds me of a life that will be no more. Yet I do the same things we did together just a few weeks ago. It has no meaning. Just stuff that needs to get done.

I have part of a good day, good hours, but moslty sad times. I too have no energy, can't concentrate, piles of important papers everywhere needing to be looked at/gone through. Yet no desire to get it done.

Every day I try and remove or organize items that were Ray's or his parents. Seems like I am removing any memory from this world of them.

I look at his boat building, can almost see him opening the big door and driving out pulling his boat to go fish. For 20 years I saw this happen, now never again. The door stays shut, the boat is gone..

I wish the Lord would call me to be with Ray, this life has no meaning. My life now is just to get thing organized, cleaned up and cleared up so the kids won't have to clean out what was Ray's and my stuff. I am on a mission to not have them have to do as much as I have to do. To many memories..to much hurt...Hugs to you..

I understand how you feel -- it is daunting to do all that needs to be done, and your main reason for doing anything is gone now. But I will say that for me, I'm trying to be easy on myself, and take time to think about what really must be done, as opposed to what I feel "should" be done. So that way a lot of things fall right off my to do list, because I realized I don't need to force myself to keep a perfect house, keep the outside looking perfect, etc. etc. But the things that must be done, I do. And I pace myself and reward myself for doing them. It's like you'll have to become your own cheerleader and your own witness to how good a job you're doing. The little accomplishments do help make a day better, even when I'm really sad overall.

Prayers are ongoing for you Garmel. It sounds like you have a lot going with the weather, things that simply can't be put off. I'm so sorry to hear that you did reach out and didn't get a response, that must have hurt a great deal. If you're able, hire some things done, don't think it's a waste, it can be temporary until you're on firmer ground. Concentrating is hard, it will get better. It will never be the same but living will get better, living will somehow feel normal again and sometimes you will feel an angel on your shoulder. It takes time.
Jean

Garmel,

I too had a husband who could do anything. There was never a repair that he couldn't fix or a problem he couldn't figure out. I didn't realize how unable other men were until I started having to rely on them to tell me how to fix things or come to do things. Most of them know nothing. How depressing. I too am tired of problems each day. Last week it was frozen pipes, today a dead battery on the car. Always something.I have managed to take care of these things myself, but it does get tiring. I agree, and ask daily why do I even go on? For what reason? Not worth anything being alone just to do all the work each day. I cannot concentrate for more than 2-3 hours still at 6 months. I have no interest in things. I eat only junk food most of the time if I eat at all. I sleep just a few hours at night then toss and turn until I just give up and get up or read. People say this is normal and it will get better so I trudge through waiting for it to get better. I am afraid we have a long long way to go before that happens. Hang in there and try to have hope as you put one foot in front of the other and get just 1 thing done each day. That is all you can ask of yourself right now and it is more than enough.

None of us have the answers to what do we do with our lives now?

What is the purpose to our lives now?

When will all of this make some sense?

I met the man of my dreams [what you can call a dream at age 18.] He rescued me, took care of me, loved me and then died and left me!

It's what life's made of. Now, we must go on and live a different life. We have to re-invent ourselves. I hear people say this all the time, what does it mean? I'm learning just like you.

I don't think anyone has the answers......but, we can help each other by just listening and giving each other moral support.

If you have any shortcuts please let me know!

Roz

Thanks for you support. Everything seems so useless and I also look at things and wait for his truck to move or him to walk through the door. Like ramar said I just want to be with him. I dreamed I visited him this past Friday night. He made me come back.

Thanks for listening and understanding. Until I found this site I thought I was the only one going through this and especially at my age. God Bless us all!

I understand the feelings you describe. I felt the loss of my husband as the loss of myself. We were partners in life that began with a friendship in high school. My mind went to how will I ever live without him and do I even want to.

I never thought of ending my life, but I had committed to living in misery. After a time, and that time differs for all of us, I began to search for myself. The single teenager he fell in love with, the wife and mother I became seemed lost too. I had retired so my profession wasn't there either. But I was, and so are you.

We aren't the same, but we are here and I knew I could exist. I just had to find how. It was a trip to the undiscovered, sometimes climbing and sometimes falling, but the trip is worth it.

Concentrate on today, this moment and the rest will seen in small glimpses. If you need to message me, you can. Sharon