Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Ionella 08/10/2017

Exactly one month ago today I have suddenly lost my soulmate, love of my life, husband and father of our baby boy.

Our life was perfect, we were extremely happy, deeply in love, surrounded by lots of friends and great family, beautiful home and especialy amazed by our life as recent parents.

We were just preparing to go to a resort to celebrate our 2 years anniversary as husband and wife, when he started to feel sick and eventually died in my arms as I tried to resuscitate him, all the while our 7 month's old son was crying desperatly because he felt my total panic.

He was 33 and apparently had heart problems, that he didn't knew about.

I was numb and in shock for a while, and now the pain and despair are taking over me, day by day. I constantly hear it and also repet myself that I have to be strong for our son, but it feels harder and harder and I am not sure I can handle it.

Everybody tells me it will be better with time, but the future seems dark and scary without him...

All of our friends are couples, and it's really hard for me to be alone but even harder to be arround them..everybody seems to move on, and I despise them a little bit for this, although I am aware this is really selfish of me..also, some of them seem to be scared to talk to me, or they just don't care, because they haven't approached me since it happened, although we used to spend a lot of time together before.

I am not even sure why I wrote to this group, maybe it's a sign I want to fight this feeling and survive this..or maybe I am just lonely..

FNSG 08/10/2017

Lonella

I am deeply sorry for your loss as I know exactly what you are going through. My husband passed away 6 months ago today. He died in my arms as well. Very traumatic thing to go through We have children together also. We attended counseling and it has helped a little. Stay strong hang in there and please know that you are not alone. ((Hugs))

Msbklyn 08/10/2017

I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. I empathize with you as I lost my husband 22 months ago to heart problems we were unaware of. However, being 55 at the time means I was in a very different place in my life. Look for a Griefshare group in your area. You will meet others who are in the same or similar situation and can be of tremendous help. I still miss my husband every day but it has changed. The acute pain has lessened and although life is not what I envisioned, I am doing ok. We do go on somehow although right now it's best for you to just concentrate on the moment. Looking at the future can be so overwhelming. I wish you peace. Marybeth

Missmyanne 08/10/2017

First let me say how sorry I am for your loss. It's so hard to have the love of our lives taken from us so suddenly. As you and I have experienced. I'm sure it's equally hard to have them taken from us by illness. Watching them die alittle more each day. They both suck!! You questioned yourself why you posted here. I believe your correct on both counts. You do want to fight and survive. You're also lonely. Very normal feelings. Someone on here once said "Our grief has a shelf life for everyone but us." That is so true! People who have not experienced a loss the magnitude of ours do not have a clue as to how we feel. They mean well but they just don't understand. Stay strong for your young son. Keep his father's memory alive in his mind as he gets older. This may be a cliche but it works for me....TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Best wishes and good thoughts out to you and your boy!!
((Hug))

pahatfi 08/10/2017

so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 42 years a month ago today. his death was expected but it was still to soon for me

Ionella 08/11/2017

Thank you all for your kind words!
I too am very sorry for your loss. It's not fair for any of us, but again, life isn't fair..
I am gratefull I had those amazing years with him and I am confident I made his life really happy, although it was so short..

sadbug0825 08/11/2017

My husband passed away 10 weeks ago, he was 42 and I am getting ready to put my 8 and 9 year old back to school next week. Not one "friend" has reached out to me all summer. I am very sad and lonely. I realized when I saw one of the moms at Target the other day while we were school shopping and she rushed to hug me and tell me how sorry she was and asked if she could do anything for me and asked "how I was doing" that people don't know how to treat me. She started crying the second I got tears in my eyes and I now make people uncomfortable because I serve as a horrible reminder of what could happen. I stood in Target crying for a few awkward moments and then made small talk and walked away numb like I have been for 10 weeks knowing she would go home to a loving husband and I would go home to an empty house with two very sweet children who want their mommy back and now know they have lost not only their daddy but me too because I am just a shell walking around trying to do the things I used to do. I try hard to make each day a good one but I am just "here" not really functioning that great. I hope things get better for you. I hope you cherish your memories and love your baby but I can only tell you for me it's been hard and please be kind to yourself and allow yourself the time you need to be sad and grieve. No one knows your loss.

vwidow 08/11/2017

Hi ionella, a beautifull couple you are.
I feel like that about the future sometimes and I don't have a child...
May God be near you when friends aren't and always for your comfort.
To pahatfi, death would never be a welcomed guest, even if we spent a zillion years with our loved ones. We were meant to live and love forever...

myhusbandisanangel 08/11/2017

I am so very sorry for your loss, and you are in my prayers. I lost my sweet husband October 18 after 33 years of marriage. Hugs.

Becvac 08/11/2017

I'm sorry for your loss. I too just lost my husband last month. He took his last breath in my arms too. He was diagnosed with cancer in late January and died July 8th. My oldest daughter and I were with him at the end.
Now I am left alone to raise two teenage girls without my soulmate and they've lost their father. It's all so much. Too much at times for me to handle but then I cry and hug my girls and continue on.

alwaysand4ever 08/12/2017

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 22 years June 6th of this year. I also have lost contact with many friends since my husband passed I think that it is because they are not sure how to help and do not want to hurt you. At least that has been what I have seen. They do not know what to say, our how to help. I too feel horrible when I am surrounded by couples. I went to the docks close to where I live and saw the older couples sitting there holding hands and just being with each other and I resent them. Because I will never had that. My husband died of an Dissected Aortic Aneurysm which caused instant death.
Please find happiness in your son as he is the living legacy of your beloved. I cannot say that it gets better with time, I don't know that. What I can tell you is that your children will help you even in his young state. Also lean on family, they may not know what you are going through but they will support you no matter what. Ask for help when you need it. Cry when you need to cry, and sleep when you can.
I am currently getting medical help and it may be something you need as well. I am just starting to grieve now as the paper work and insurances are starting to finish out. I can only support with words. So here is my advice do what you need to do to survive and get through this. You have a little one depending on you. Let him give you strength.

Cavewifelost 08/12/2017

Ionella, My heart breaks for you. I know exactly what you're going through, minus the infant. My sweet husband of 24 years died six weeks ago tonight. My husband had cancer, but did not die from cancer. He died from a series of small strokes that he suffered due to a blood clot breaking loose and invading his brain, so his death was unexpected and horribly traumatic for me. I made my first post on here two weeks after he died . I felt so alone and so utterly miserable and I stumbled on this site. When I got the first response to my post, I burst into tears. The people here rushed to console me and assure me that I was not alone in my pain and grief. I excepted that my feelings are normal and that it's okay to grieve. I also learned that often, friends don't know how to approach you . They may feel uncomfortable or they may believe that they are bothering you. It feels like they're abandoning you when you need them most, but I believe it's often that they simply don't know how to behave. Try reaching out to them. You may find that they're quite open to talking to you once they understand that you need them. Keep coming back here. There's a lot of pain, but there's also a lot of good advice wisdom and inspiration to be gained here. <3 Anita

SandyZal 08/12/2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. I was in exactly the same situation. My husband died unexpectedly from a heart problem that we didn't know about. He was so strong I didn't think anything could kill him. He had six pack abs when he was 60 years old. It's been 5 months since he died. He was the love of my life and I didn't know how I would go on without him, but I am starting to move on. I have had all those feelings you have, but I have actively pursued healing and it is beginning to come to me. This group is a great place to find people who are in the exact same place you are and to find resources for healing. You have to get though this for the sake of your son and I pray you will.

TheWillimon 08/12/2017

lonella I am sorry to hear about your loss but believe me there's other people out there that totally understand what you're going thru. A person truly doesn't understand until it happens to them. I lost my wife (she was 49) the same way to an all of a sudden heart attack that happened 3hrs away from me and when the cops came and told me my life just seemed so surreal with the fact that I'd never be able to talk to her again. Its been 2 months but I still think about her everyday and how our future which we was building for just got shattered. Just hearing about your husband just being 33 and having a baby like that just freakin kills me. My best advice is you gotta just keep busy and take each day 1 by 1. Being busy takes your mind off of things. Also maybe join a church and take in a short service or even better yet get yourself a pooch *they're great companionship). If it wasn't for my dogs I'd be worse off I think. Another thing is to take drives and let your mind wander. My best wishes to you and your child.

Leelalulee 08/12/2017

I would just like to say that I will pray for you and your little one. My husband died 4 months ago today.I miss him more than words can express.
Hugs,
Lisa

Ionella 08/13/2017

I am really sorry Anita for what happened to your husband..the thought that you knew he had cancer and did everything in your power to fight it, and anyway to lose him to something else, I am sure it's devastating.
I told myself a million times, if only we knew he was ill, we would have traveled the world and even become homelles or beggers, in order to save him...but, if only..
I think you all are right about friends that don't know how to react, because I have noticed they are willing to help me and discuss with me once I initiate the conversation..
Regarding what sadbug0825 wrote, I too saw in the behavior of some of the people we knew, that it was a shock and a wake up call that made them see differently their relationships, and now they value and appreciate differently their lives..at least this is the last "good deed" that my husband did for them.
Today was a slightly better day for me because I was surrounded by all of our friends and family, hopefully I will dream of him tonight and feel for just a second that my life if whole again..tomorrow the reality will strike again and I am praying to have the strenght to face it. Thank you all for your words, it really helped me.

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