Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Shattered

Audrey99
Audrey99

I'm new to this site, but I have to say I can't believe how similar the stories are to my own, and how reassuring it is that I'm not the only one suffering through the worst pain ever.


I lost my husband October 2nd, 2016. A blood clot dropped him where he stood, and we never got him back. He was 41 years old, perfectly healthy, happy, and madly in love with me, our family, our life. We were married 16 years, together for 20, and have 3 sons, ages 8, 10 and 12. 


Being committed to someone for half of your life and then losing them so abruptly is shattering, crushing, and disorienting but I have to keep breathing and working and paying bills. So many times I wanted to curl up and die too, but my boys need me, so I push through each day.


People were very supportive but I stopped hearing from lots of them as the weeks passed, maybe they don't know what to say to me? I can't tell if this is good or bad. Sometimes I think I need friends to laugh with and vent to. But other times I think I need to get used to the loneliness, getting through on my own, and I don't want to be an emotional drain on my friends, who are also grieving his loss.


I am doing the best I can. Some days I'm very proud of what I've done, other days I feel like I'm at the bottom of a hole I'll never climb out of. I also worry that the best years of my life are over, that I'll never be that happy again. Makes me not want to get out of bed in the morning, but I always do anyway.


Love to you all who have felt this unendurable pain, and have endured.  

Msbklyn
Msbklyn
I am so very sorry for your tremendous loss. This site is a good place to come to vent, connect with others and realize that there are many of us who have shared this awful journey. I can identify with your feelings as I lost my husband of almost 30 years almost 17 months ago. I was fortunate that my children were in their 20's, I can only imagine how very difficult it must be to have to face raising young children without your partner. Please know you have people here who will listen to your heart and offer kind words, advice and empathy. I can say that it does change with time, the acute pain subsides somewhat but you always miss them. Take care of yourself . God Bless
Unique
Unique
I'm sorry you had to find us. We all share the unbearable pain of losing a loved one. My husband passed suddenly last Oct. too. People don't know what to say so they stay away, try not to take it personally. The best years of your life are not over, you have 3 beautiful boys that you need to raise who I'm sure will bring you profound happiness, love and joy in the years ahead. I believe every time I shed a tear it opens my heart and I'm able to heal just a bit from the incredible grief I carry with me and that his love lives on through me and our children. Peace and hugs.
myhusbandisanangel
myhusbandisanangel
I am so sorry for your loss, but you have found the right website. We are all here for you. Write often as we all help each other out. I know the feelings you are going through. I lost my husband of 33 years October 18, 2016 he was only 56. You have three wonderful children that need you, and you need them. I know some days you do feel like curling up, as I do sometimes as well. I know sometimes it is hard but this grief we can't go around we have to push through it and keep going. I find this helps sometimes, and I do it every day, I write in a journal to my husband as if he was here and I write how I feel about the day and I tell him the things that happened as well. It helps sometimes as I truly miss him every single day. Talk to him out loud, cry when you want to cry. I still do all of that. I find crying helps the soul heal.
We are here for you my dear so write anytime. Hugs to you. God Bless you and your sons.
Foreverbroken
Foreverbroken
I know the feeling. My husband was 44. He died 64 days ago and I can't imagine being happy ever again. I get up and function because of our kids but it sucks and yes the help slowly moves away. I think that's why I keep checking in here hoping just for a connection to keep my sanity.
jdp
jdp
It is devastating, our life changes in so may different directions.
Give yourself time, we each grieve in our own way.
Good for you, give yourself credit, you are carrying on, doing what is necessary for the day & for your sons.
At times the challenges seem daunting but we are survivors, continuing as best as possible @ each turn in our lives.
A local hospital or church may sponsor support groups, it's beneficial to talk with others who have experienced our loss.
It's little steps...
The ups & downs, the highs & lows do level out after awhile
Keep the faith
jdp
shelda
shelda
This site helped me to see i was "normal" it also has giving me friends and courage.I feel more accepted on here then in real life. They all think i should have started doing all this stuff right after he died. Go get a job Mom its the best thing you can do and then you can get your own place and get a life. I never knew work is the cure for depression. I told them i will tell the Dr that. The insensitivity is astounding from the people i know. My family. Strangers are so much kinder and thoughtful.
trisheil
trisheil
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband died of a brain aneurysm Oct. 18/2015. I am now a single mom to 4 children 6, 9, 11 and 14. I talked to a friend everyday the first year it got me through many days. I also see a hospice counseller a couple times a month. It's a lot and I would just really encourage you to take care of yourself.
emerald15
emerald15
Dear Audrey, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I am so glad you have your boys to be with you and give you love and especially courage to go on to rebuild your life. So I just wanted to wish you well, hope you do have moments, days of time when you can laugh, have fun, enjoy yourself, because after all your most important job now is to take care of yourself, emotionally, spiritually, physically. But always remember the good memories of being with your husband, to bring you comfort and joy that you had such a beautiful love in your life. I know sometimes the grief overwhelms this, but time will bring you a little healing and room for joy in your heart. Take care, Audrey, and always let us know how you are doing, as we all have to stay close to one another, because we "get it."
Hugs, sunflowers,
Nanette