It is a roller coaster of emotions for sure. One day at a time! ((Hugs))

Finding it hard too that it comes in waves and when you least expect it, the world comes crashing down and the hurt and emptiness becomes fresh again.

Thank you both...it helps me to give voice to my frustrations and pain and very kind of you to take the time to let me know I am not alone.....even while I am being crushed by loneliness and longing for her...

I could have written this myself! I am also trying to push on with our plans and it now feels pointless and I get no joy from completing any project. I just do them for something to do. It’s been 3 months since my wife of 26 years passed away and when I feel like I might be turning a corner I crash harder than ever. I wish my wife wasn’t so awesome it may of made all this easier. Good luck with the roller coaster my friend! We will get there. It might be a sh1t show! but there is a few of us in it by the looks.

I had a moment like that tonight. Don’t know what set me off,...uncontrollable sobbing. Sounds as if you feel as I do. Your spouse was also your BFF. Everything I experience, I look for my husband to share it with him and, all I have is a quiet house..

Thank you Marcy and Nathan for your kind words and thoughtful reflections. I wish you were not going through this pain however I appreciate knowing there is a community of people who care and understand.
It is hard for anyone else to realize how much you can miss a person unless you have lost a spouse.
Best wishes to you all!!
Joe

Sad but true, know one knows how it really feels to lose a spouse until they have, and yet we are all different in our grief with the learning how to cope.(Hugs)

It’s truly like a ton of bricks just fall on you with no warning. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can relate, when I think of my husband’s and my plans and imagine trying to make new plans without him it’s paralyzing. I woke up this morning actually feeling like it might be a good day, like I could get through this and now here I am wanting to crawl back into bed and stay there. It’s such an emotional roller coaster.

Shelda and Angelina,

Thanks for commenting and best wishes to you both! It is so hard and just when you think you have reached an agreement with yourself to stop the horrible sobbing, and like you were saying, having a good day - when all of the sudden circumstance or emotions cause the tidal wave to swallow you up.

For me today, I tried to pack up some additional clothes of hers that I have avoided as it seems so final. Really stupid when you think about it...she is gone and I know that is a fact...but touching her clothes, thinking about seeing her in them and never being able to do that again is just so deeply painful and lonely.

I think about asking my sister to do it for me, but that seems like i am being a coward....Even in death, I should take care of her and respect her things if that makes any kind of sense.

I don't know what to do with all the boxes of clothes. I guess I should donate them, she did volunteer at the goodwill for a time and throwing them away just seems wrong....What did any of you do?

Thank for your time and best wishes for everyone!!

Joe

Joe: This journey will take you to new highs and lows for some time . I just had 5 years and in the beginning did not even want to imagine surviving that long without him. The pain was so overwhelming I did my best to avoid it by keeping very busy for as long as possible. Slowly I have healed and am becoming more comfortable being alone. Still miss him but can also smile at so many memories and I am beyond grateful that he was in my life for 33 years! I still have some of his clothes, I did donate much to Salvation Army but did it in my own time. I wore my wedding and engagement rings for more than 2 years past his death. I found I could not bear to imagine a future without him so I just went say by day. Gradually I’d plan week to week. Time has been my friend in all of this but it takes a lot of time. Be gentle with yourself and allow the process to bring you to a place of peace in due time. Just knowing there are others who have been there and survived have helped me tremendously. In the beginning this site was a lifesaver for me. Hope it helps you

Dear Joe, I understand how hard it is to pack her clothes as I tried to do my beautiful husband's clothes and have been chipping away at it as I keep breaking down. I gave some to nephews and then my daughter's became frantic in wanting all his clothes so I let them have them but kept a few of his favourites in our cupboard and the jumper he last wore under my pillow.
It is both difficult and heart warming to see the kids in his clothes from time to time as sometimes it makes me smile and other days I excuse myself to the bathroom to cry...
If asking someone else to help assists you in holding yourself together Joe, do it. It is not a coward who asks for help. It is someone strong who knows when it is time to ask for support.
Wishing you strength and peace x

Hi Joe,

As you know, I'm a year and 9 days in, and I haven't even considered removing my husband's clothes. I still have what he last wore hanging on the bedroom door.

I guess it's an individual thing. Whenever it feels like it's time.
I don't think you would be a coward asking for help. Not at all.

Hugs,
Tess

Grieving is bad in any case. The way we can grieve less is to have something to remind us of the people we lost.