Change is hard. Change without your other half is..almost feels like cheating.Sort of ..i know we say he/she would understand but in our hearts it tears us apart. That's life though change and more change.Trying to keep up with it when your soul is being stomped on is such a feeling of aloneness .You will get through this and i hope wherever you go the feelings of love surround you. ( Hugs)

Thankyou. It is an awful feeling and yes I feel more alone now then ever. Sometimes I just feel depleted when I have to make all the decisions on my own.
I appreciate your response. Thank you for the support.

I am sorry also, it seems like a lot of challengers. Hopefully people here and elsewhere get help you get through these life changes. Assuming your marriage was good, I hope you realize your husband would want you to be happy as you would if the situation were reversed.

Thankyou. Yes I have gained a lot of support from this site, especially during the first few years after I lost him. We had a very good marriage and I was so happy then it all changed in an instant he was gone.
I only hope I made the right decision.

Oh, Carol, I'm so sorry. You and I became friends when we were new here. We emailed sometimes. I'm Linda from Kansas. Last time I heard from you I think was about 2 years ago at Christmas time. You were expecting a new grandchild in the spring. I still think of you. It will be 5 years for me in February.It feels like an eternity and yesterday at the same time. My world also changed in an instant. I am also going through a stressful situation similar to yours. Having a very rough time. Are you still running the store and living upstairs? I'm sorry for your situation, but glad to hear from you. I understand if you don't remember me. It's been a long time.

I went through a terrible time when I finally sold our home in Florida - and everything in it to the bare walls - a few years ago. It was such a stressful time that I actually had my hair start to fall out. I had nightmares like I had just lost Cliff all over again. It was so hard. It was absolutely the right thing to do, but that didn't make it any easier. I am so sorry you have had to do this, too, but it seems like most of us wind up having to sell up sooner or later.

That's probably not much help for you, but I did want you to know that I and many others understand what you're going through, because we've been there. Hang in there. This too shall pass.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

I do remember you Linda, yes. Thank you for replying. I am living at the shop where I run the business. My granddaughter is 17 months old and is my little miracle. She has shown me how beautiful and innocent life is in the beginning.

I am sorry to hear you are going through a rough time too - it just gets exhausting doesn't it. And do you ever feel that for just once you had your old life back just for a day just to say to them "hey I love you, hug me".

Martha, thank you for sharing your life experience and giving me support as I navigate this 'other' life. I feel like I have had two lives. That when he died I was pushed into this other room where all widows and widowers go, not by choice, to find a door out or a door back but it is not there. I have had so many dreams of trying to find him or trying to meet him somewhere. And they all end up nowhere - just me searching.

Anyway I do thank you both for your caring words and encouragement. I will press on.