I tried not to make any major decisions the first year. Too much emotion for me, I needed to give myself some time to truly realize what I needed. That being said, I have stayed in our house learned how to fix things and run the dang tractor! I have had friends, however, that have chucked it all and moved to the city and been thrilled with the decision. If finances are not an issue, I would say give yourself some time to adjust to this new reality before you make any major decisions. Personally, I was in such a fog the first year that I was not really in the best position to make major changes. Please let us know what you decide! Just do what is right for you.

I sat still and changed my mind a million times the first year. now 22 months later. I am glad I stayed in my "paid" for home. They advise you to NOT make any big life changes the first year.

My opinion.....keep the lake house and let me use it sometimes ;-) I'm kidding. That is a tough decision. If you feel like you can't handle some of the things that come along with it than you should probably follow your heart.

I too have property and a a house we finally got to where we wanted to grow old in. He told me to wait 2 years ... well ... it's been 3 and have jumped over all the hurdles ... tho it is getting harder to manage every year ... both physically and financially. Yet all of us love it here. Even tho 3/4 of kids are out ... just waiting for son to graduate college and figure out where he will end up. So ... pretty much just waiting and watching to see which way life turns. My kids visit a lot b/c we can feel him here still ... and it is peaceful ... For now stay put. Will see what next year brings. Just waiting and watching ... working on my inner life now. One day at a time...

Have started Adoration once a week 1 year ago... my Friday nite date with Jesus ... as I tell my kids ... here's a perfect Advent reflection (it helps me :) http://adventreflections.com/advent-day-14-waiting-in-prayer/

Thank you all for your input. I love this home we remodeled together, but I miss "people". Living in the city has its downsides too, but I think I will feel more alive knowing neighbors are close, there is a bus if I don't want to drive somewhere, shopping, theater.

Living at the lake is peaceful, but the winter is going to be long and lonely without my husband. He and I loved being snowed in. We had so much fun working on our indoor crafts, watching a movie, cooking, and just being together. Now I sit here alone without any desire to do much.

I might have to move to the city to move forward.

Hi All . . . another dilemma some of we share. To stay or go. Fight or flight. All normal thoughts and gut reactions. I concur with the consistent advice to NOT make any major decisions right now. It's way too soon. What you can do is slowly make some changes in your home that reflects more of "you" and less of "we". I moved a bit of furniture around, re-hung some art . . . etc. Otherwise, staying put for now. I know in my heart that one day I will move, but I don't need to do it "today" and I don't even know where I want to go. Just wanting to escape what feels like Alcatraz!!

I learned to use the riding lawn mower, sat with the manual for two hours earlier this Spring/Summer. It felt good to know that I was capable of learning something new. I also had to learn how to take care of the pool . . . another growing experience. What I couldn't do physically, I've had friends help or had to hire someone.

I think you are just feeling overwhelmed right now faced with the responsibilities of maintaining the property along with what's left of sanity. Take it easy and breathe . . . day by day. My thoughts and prayers are with you. xo Dayna

I feel the same way. My husband and I built our dream house 4 yrs. ago and everything in it is what we wanted and chose together. I never had to worry about things going wrong. He could fix or build anything. He died in July, from injuries suffered in a motorcycle accident. No warning, just suddenly I am all alone. This house is way too much for me. It is paid for, but that doesn't change the fact that it is very frightening for me, considering yard work, everyday fixes, etc. I know not to make any decisions for a year, but the grief coupled with this worry is too much to bear. I don't even think I could sell it, as we did this project together and I see him everywhere. I am devastated. All set up for retirement, and he is no longer here.

I think you have made up your mind and are looking for confirmation that you are right. Normally the wait at least a year is a good choice, but you don't appear to be running away, rather going to what you know will be the best choice for you. Do it!

I ran into this when I decided not to return to work after the service for my husband. I made the choice to retire and never have regretted it. Though many thought it was a mistake. Sharon

GK Chesterton quote ~We're all in the same boat and we're all seasick ~ comes to mind. Can so relate to you Go Dayna!! with the manual and then the wine? Have gotten to know my Cub Cadet intimately... and have also enjoyed the challenge. Thank God for brothers! and son/sons in law tho. Sometimes it seems like am hovering over my existence and just shaking my head...in suspended disbelief. This can't be my life! What today? Will the OTHER shoe drop?! My health/kids/grandkids health/ stock market/ nuclear war/ more extended family (political) drama... really what TIMES we are living in. So it is ALL out of my control except for my attitude to the chaos spinning all around. Got thru today ... and surprisingly thru 3 years worth of todays. So maybe all will be well if I just take care of what i need to for today and use reason/common sense for what i really NEED to do. (Must admit a one floor townhouse is sounding better and better..)No need to worry YET about other things tho. Helps that was able to take early retirement (yup ! RN - best move EVER) Go Sharon!! meanwhile Calgon take me away/glass of wine/good nite sleep (Benadryl) and keeping Christ centered works for me. And knowing am making hubby proud! for keeping my sanity ... maybe. God hold us ALL!

I am curious about this "wait a year" that I hear from everyone. I have read that at 6 months and 2 years is when the pain returns as if it had just happened, so maybe the 1 year mark is when a person is supposed to feel the strongest? Not sure.

If I could pick up this home and move it to the city, I would do it in a heartbeat and definitely stay in this home. I guess the loneliness of living here alone feels so empty. And not having neighbors close by makes it worse.

I think the "wait for a year" advise is sound in most cases. It's been just over 6 months since my husband died and I am still in a fog. I am very lucky to have my son with whom I can discuss major decisions. I'm also looking to move to a one story. As for learning to use and maintain the riding mower, etc., I am just not interested! I'm looking to simplify my life.

As you said, your friends, social life and safety nets are in the city. Sounds like that's where you want to be. However, maybe wait awhile (maybe not a year) while your fog lifts so you make clear decisions regarding things like choosing a realtor, asking price, and the best choice of a new home.

Maybe u can stay with a friend in the city for a bit ..I will be selling mine most likely next year but I'm now starting year 3 and I really feel it will be good but is one of those things that when I really think of the moment when I walk out the door ..ugh I sold another home we had this year and it really was a good choice..tho it was rough. That one was our family home and it went to a young family just like we were when we bought it...this one was the dream home..OUR dream home...Sending u a hug Choices like this are not easy

It's been 1 1/2 yrs for me now and I have decided to move. My husband and I too built our dream retirement house and gratefully we got to enjoy it together for 11 years. But it's too big and to empty without him. I no longer fit into my neighborhood...all happy couples, too cold in winter and some other things as well. Now the problem will be selling...homes are not moving too fast in my area. I wish there was a way to sell it fast and leave most of the furniture behind. I'm ready to just get on with it. I want to enter my last phase in life with some quality life left and here I'm stuck in the past. It just haunts me and I have to be free of it...any suggestions for selling fast. My home is in good shape.

Marysch - I have heard on the news that the markets are getting stronger this spring, so hopefully your home will sell fast. I know "staging" is a big thing. When we sold our other home, we were told to take all personal pictures off the walls and keep it very generic. That was 2-1/2 years ago and it sold in 7 days. I am hoping this lake home sells as fast.

But I agree with you about needing to find "me".

You are barely past the 1 month mark, I think it's awfully early to be making that kind of decision. Maybe you could consider making the decision in stages -- i.e., decide now to prepare your home to be put on the market in 6 months. If you change your mind between now and then, no harm done. Typically homes don't sell this time of year anyway.

Have you consulted with your (adult) children about this? Perhaps they would like to buy it or help you find a way to move into another property and rent out the lake house if it is important to them. They are, I imagine, still grieving their Dad, and it may be too soon for them to think about it, but sometimes it helps to have a family conversation about these things.

If your kids can't help with the plowing/mowing kinds of chores, hire somebody for the next few months so that you have the breathing space to grieve and work on the inside of the house. I paid for a lot of the help I got. I also used my home warranty policy so that if any of the appliances or plumbing went awry that I could call the warranty company and they would send someone they had already vetted and approved. I had to pay a call-out fee, but that was it - no other charges - and I didn't have to figure out who I could call. I am not physically capable of some repairs - I may be smart enough, but simple strength issues preclude me accomplishing some things.

I like AnnieMc's idea - who wouldn't want a break in a house on a lake! :) But I do understand that right now it is not where you need to be. It does make me wonder if it could be used as a holiday rental, bring you some income, and make your move to the city easier. I don't know, and I do think you should speak with family before you do anything.

Hope this helps....

Love and Hugs,
Martha