Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I found myself watching the clock today; exactly 5:27 p.m; that's when he was pronounced dead. Paramedics worked on him for about an hour after the heart attack as he lay in a pasture where his truck came to a stop. They couldn't bring him back. Gone so suddenly; too soon.Today marks 2 months and I didn't realize it would be so hard. Hard to focus, hard to move, hard to care for myself, hard to think, hard to be in the moment. I miss him so much and my heart hurts. It's a pain that's real and difficult to describe; a dull emptiness, a chasm of darkness, a longing to be with him. I know from what others have said that this will pass but for now it doesn't feel that it will.
I'm renting a house that's on the market for sale. Now they want pics of the inside. I can't bring myself to clean, straighten up the place, much less wash dishes and I feel violated each time it's shown to prospective buyers. I have his pictures in every room, candles, smudge bundles, crosses. It's obvious that someone in mourning lives here or perhaps they think I'm nuts. I don't care anymore. Now I must find the energy to pack and move. Hopefully things will feel more settled then. But for now, this is feels like a mountain to climb.
I'm renting a house that's on the market for sale. Now they want pics of the inside. I can't bring myself to clean, straighten up the place, much less wash dishes and I feel violated each time it's shown to prospective buyers. I have his pictures in every room, candles, smudge bundles, crosses. It's obvious that someone in mourning lives here or perhaps they think I'm nuts. I don't care anymore. Now I must find the energy to pack and move. Hopefully things will feel more settled then. But for now, this is feels like a mountain to climb.
Things get easier slowly. At 10 months or so, things have gotten easier, but I still have days that are hard. My daughter came over Sunday night to go through her mom's jewelry & stuff, and she had to remind me of the exact date, I was off by 3 days. Not tracking it that well. I told her since I observe the anniversary on the Jewish Yahrzeit, the Gregorian date is not that important to me, because the Hebrew calendar is lunar and the dates shift vs the Gregorian calendar. There are web sites and apps that send the reminder, which helps.
Can you ask anybody for help with the house? A lot of us here, we had to learn how to ask for help. Maybe you can explain your grief to the owners, and they can send someone to help you. You would be surprised how people can react with sympathy when you state that you are having trouble. I took a few days off from work here and there the first couple of months, I just told my manager I was having a hard day.
I like your husband's photo, maybe when you can you will tell us more about him.
As difficult as it may be......think peaceful thoughts. Think back when you first met and why you fell in love.
Don't let the last few years, months, days consume all your positive energy. He would have wanted you to keep his love close inside you, he would NOT have wanted you to fall victim to his loss.
Be kind to you,
Roz
I want him back so bad.......I know that cannot happen, but I still want it.
N8Vgrl, we must climb this mountain together.
I try to remember his words of love and grace.....I can't do it all day but I try to do it every day, some part of EVERY DAY!
One memory at a time. Don't fill your head with too many thoughts, just one at a time....one day at a time....Soon that "frozen", "stuck" feeling will be less and less.
We are all different, for some it's easier to be in a quiet place to allow the memories to flow and then pick one......and, let that one be your mantra for the day.
This helps me.....I hope it can help you!
I'm so, so sorry for your pain....I'm with you and my arms are around you!
Roz