Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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Second Anniversary

lrs55
lrs55
Yesterday was the second anniversary of Jake's death. I have to admit that it was much easier than the first. It was a serene day, visited the cemetery with my daughter and family, voted, did some grocery shopping for my parents and basically took it easy.

My daughter and I had fun reminiscing about the burial! For those who don't know, my husband was buried on the 12th in a horrendous snow storm. The hearse got stuck twice, the pall bearers had to carry my husband quite a distance in the snow, and we all ended up soaked! I am anxious to see what the 12th brings this year. Last year we had another snow storm!

It is somewhat consoling to feel a distance between now and his death. More of a memory than a continued lived trauma. Life has gone on, I am adjusting to being alone, discovered that I can still function on some level, and am striving to find joy in what I have. The empty hole is still huge but at least now I don't feel that I am drowning in it. I think this year that I need to focus on finding some friends to spend time with. One can only function alone so long--I hope that there is someone out there, male or female, that I can connect with to do things together. A big project in this small community!
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
For me, I found the aloneness without him a lot like you describe. The sadness was still there, and I felt almost hollow inside. Finding enjoyment for you is a discovery project with trial and error. Wishing you well in your search for the future. Keep in touch, my friend. Sharon
fish320
fish320
Hi - it is nice from the newbie stand point to see that this unbearable load gets lighter as time goes on. I'm glad you can look back and find some humour in your memories.

I look forward to the time when the heaviness I feel in my heart and life will lessen. Thank you for giving me hope!

I wish you love and happiness!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hugs to you Irs55,
It will be 2 years on Monday for me . I can't believe I've been without him for so long and survived! Miss him and love him ..
But I'm going to be ok. Just so very lonely no matter what I do!
Maureen
deleted_user
deleted_user
Irs55,

Thank you so much for sharing, that there is HOPE left for us, who are in newer stages of grief and loss. My husband left a little over a month ago and the pain, the grief, the loneliness, the despair, the guilt, etc., are crushing my very soul right now. I miss him so much and never stop wanting to be with him. My entire life, all my hopes, my dreams, my plans, my very existence, has changed forever. You are living proof that there is the hope of a normal life in the future. It's a shame it is moving at such a slow pace for me right now. Thanks again for your message of hope.
lrs55
lrs55
Thanks so much for all of your kind words. Yes, I want to bring hope to others facing this tragedy just as those who experienced this before me have given me hope. I have many memories of women throughout my life who have faced this horrible loss, moved on and lived fulfilling lives.
hgsdms
hgsdms
Hugs to you Irs. Gives all of us hope that things will continue to get easier. I am at 7 1/2 months and already feeling a little better. Still doesn't seem possible that he is gone sometimes, but I know now that I CAN carry on because I must. The inner strength has surprised me many times in this journey.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello All. So sorry for your loss. This will be the second anniversary with out my husband
This will be the second year for me coming up. I'm doing ok and all its just so very lonely here to for me.
I think the hardest one will be Christmas eve , cause that is when he passed away.. Dec 14th. 2013
This coming Jan , would have been 38 years for us Time sure does fly by it gets easier, but I feel the same way , what ever I do its still feels lonely
Take care
russ1153
russ1153
The emptyness is so hard. Im at 20 months and was thinking today how hollow I feel. I do a lot with meet -up groups and have met some very nice people, but I dont feel anything for anyone, just empty. This is a very different feeling than I felt after my divorce back in the 70's. Hopefully over time the heart heals some and we can feel again.
Russ
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
The decision and knowledge of being okay is a much bigger step than we realize. It's understanding that our loss does not have to control our future and we can live again in a new way. Fighting the future hurts and we need to let those emotions be recognized. I fought against a new life cling to the past for a long time. But eventually I did recognize that my husband would want me to respect our lives together and honor the memories we made. This is a wonderful post of future adventures. Sharon
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
21 months for me. For the last 9 months, I think I have done great. Suddenly this weekend, boom.... I feel like I am zapped back to the beginning..????...My son had to move in 4 months ago. All of a sudden, I feel overwhelmed by life. Like I am just passing time. With the winter coming on, No job, no social life. No friends. My car is almost dead, can't see to drive after dark anymore, and the changing the clocks didn't help any. Is this normal?
Sandee
lrs55
lrs55
I agree, Sharon, that we have to choose to not allow our sorrow and pain to control us. A very difficult thing but I think it is what is ultimately best for us. I was just talking with a friend last night whose 6 year old granddaughter died three years ago from cancer. She was saying that the intensity of all they went through for her granddaughter is beginning to fade and she is a little worried. She doesn't want to "lose" her granddaughter. I think that is a major step--being willing to "forget" for a few minutes or hours. Learning to trust that we will never truly forget our loved ones even as we begin to live new lives.
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