Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I think it is much the same for everyone in our situation, being so lonely after they are gone. It was just my husband and I. We have a hobby farm, mostly for me, Ray liked to fish so we live on a lake, I have hunting dogs and a couple of horses. I remember not long ago walking behind my pointers in the back field, seeing nature, the beauty and telling myself I was so blessed, I loved our home, our life. When Ray got ill last June and finially had surgery in January I felt 100% our old life would come back, he'd shoot birds for me, we'd fish together, we'd ride on the 4-wheeler together again. But that wasn't in the cards, he died a week after his surgery, very quickly, very suddenly leaving the Dr. office. He died in my arms as I helped him into the pickup. Now week 2, I wander around this house and cry, I have to push myself to work the dogs, do the farm chores that i loved to do a short time ago. I feel dumb, a heavy weight on my chest, I really don't like this place any more, it no longer brings me joy or happiness, I look at it and say to myself, This wasn't for Ray it was for me, he was so wonderful..Please God either take me to him or lessen this pain..
You are feeling quite the "norm" in your circumstance, early in the stages of grief. Nothing feels quite right, nothing is the same, nothing will lesson the pain but time. Please don't make any precipitous decisions regarding your home or any other major decisions for that matter. You are in shock, quite rightly so.
Everything you have described .. . . we've all been there. Baby steps and one day at a time is all that's required. Do what you can, don't push too hard. Some days will find you with more energy than others, don't question and be gentle with self.
As many further along this journey will attest to . . . "you will get through this and the pain will lessen with time". Big hug and healing energy sent your way. xo Dayna
Soon the good memories will comfort you. Take care of yourself.
It's been 22 months since my Morey passed and I just this past Saturday hired two men to go through his "stuff" on the patio. I watched until I couldn't watch anymore. Because I knew that all I wanted to really do was save EVERY last thing that he may have touched.
The children were here the week before to go through the stuff that they wanted to keep and the rest would have to either be thrown away or sent to a thrift shop.
For every walk that Morey took, there was at least 2-5 things that he would pick up, bring home and save on the patio. He was my hoarder!
Memories, so many memories of over 4 years of marriage, our love, promises made to ALWAYS be there for one another.......gone, simply gone. I had to go hide in the bedroom for a while and just cry!!!! Poor Horton [my big, Black Lab], he just wanted to be with mommy, such a big lug of comfort!
Don't expect too much out of yourself. Cherish the wonderful memories that the two of you made together, as a couple. You'll ALWAYS have those to be with you, inside you to comfort you.
I wish you peaceful days ahead,
Roz And, that big lug, Horton