Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nicker07 03/13/2011

I went to our archery clubs annual pot luck last evening, it was nice actually to see some of those folks.
One of the ladies and she is very nice person said to me" Are you happy?" I was so shocked I was honest I said NO, not really, but I guess maybe in time you find happiness" Her sister in law again a nice person, Said "I have been praying for you, to find you a nice man to fill your heart again" So I just laughed said please ask for tall, dark, handsome and lots of money. To which she added AND likes horses.

I just shook it off, I took his photo of him when he shot his first elk with a bow to donate on the wall of the lost members. Roger was a life time member of the club. Being a wildlife biologist he had to work most hunting seasons so rarely got away for hunting. I had blown this photo up for his memorial service but I thought he would want it at the club, I put many of his photos on our wall. It has several places and says Live, Laugh, Love The Most important things in life aren't things.

deleted_user 03/13/2011

AMEN Sister on the ''things'' part. On the fix up part - very funny - tell her you already went to Walmart , but they don't carry men yet - would be a good idea, along with a hug machine. Or we could just buy a bottle of happiness???? I'm sure she was trying to help in a sweet way. Oy vey!!!

Mgould 03/13/2011

Two months after my husband died an old co-worker who I hadn't heard from in a year sent me an email and asked how I was. I told her my husband had died 1 1/2 months before and I had just been told I was being let go from my job.

Her response was "Sorry to hear about your husband. So what have you been doing for fun?" Geez

tpoulos 03/13/2011

I have a photo frame with my husband and our beloved dogs
and the inscription at the bottom reads....
The Most Important things in life aren't things..

Love it.... and it sure is the truth

michaelbmanning 03/13/2011

I feel I will always get the comments about finding another man. There was one that stalked me in church...with his 3 kids....and I have opted to attend a later service to avoid him. I am always asked why I can't be happy. If Mike could come back, I would be happy.

Maggie

deleted_user 03/13/2011

Sometimes these people don't have a clue. They seem to think that widows are some kind of man traps. Married women look at me like I am going to try to somehow grab their husbands away.
Little do they know that the last thing on my mind to have another man in my life. It is as if another man would replace my husband. I can't believe how callous some people can be. Some days it would just be easier to not deal with people at all. Judith

Caroline04 03/13/2011

Comments like those would probably leave me speechless, however well intended. I wonder if their mouth and brains are even connected? Sometimes we do have to shrug these things off and not waste the energy feeling offended, especially if the person's remarks didn't come from a mean spirit. That doesn't fall to far behind the person that asked the woman if she wanted to sell her house. I can't imagine what people are thinking sometime! I think you handled the situation quite well and with grace. I appreciate that saying, it is so true!

edithbathgate 03/13/2011

I agree about the things. I also have a friend who says I should marry her son. My husband has been dead for 3 months. I tell people if I find and exact-in-every -respect clone of James I'll get married again. Til then I consider myself a married lady whose husband died but is no less loved.

deleted_user 03/13/2011

i have decided to start responding with "Well , the people I LOVE are NOT replacable"and firmly walking away

deleted_user 03/14/2011

I also had a similar thing happen. It was within a month of my husband's death and I just burst into tears. It was at a bookclub meeting and the room fell quiet. She is a nice woman and normally very smart too, I just didn't expect it. I told my grief counselor about it and he said, "Well you know it's transference, don't you? She is speaking from her worse fear and what she thinks she would want if in your situation." People can't imagine what our loss feels like and it's just a little too close for comfort. They don't know what to say and it turns their brains to mush. Now I can say, "I know you mean well and it might be what you'd want, but I'm not you."
I still avoid that woman.

deleted_user 03/15/2011

I had a married man I've known for years hit on me three weeks after my husband died. I was in such a fog, I didn't relize what he was doing. Then when I did I was so angery, it was a good thing he wasn't around. I too just avoided him after that. I'm not sure what the time frame should be, But three weeks, please.(and married) God this sucks!!

deleted_user 03/16/2011

It has been 5 weeks since Dale died. Today I went for physical therapy. The therapist told me people heal at different rates but indicated she thought I should not be experiencing stress at this point and that all I need was something to laugh about.

Nicker07 03/16/2011

OMG Brookside
This from a physical therapist 5 wks not experience stress, this is the most absurd thing I have heard - Sorry so sorry it happened.
A big hug sent for that one...

deleted_user 03/16/2011

Brook,
OMG - please get a new physical therapist or make sure that SHE needs a physical therapist for a remark like that. Clueless, truly clueless - but maybe that's a blessing because really, until this happened to us did we have a clue?

Wmsbaby 03/16/2011

Judith, thanks for putting your reply. I wanted to ask on here but was worried that I was imagining the looks from some woman . I too get some looks like I'm on the prowl for a man... If they only knew only one certain man will do! And he is not here!!

missmyhero 03/17/2011

Okay, I just have to add this and will probably regret it later, but do you "see" the "husbands" of the women who are jealous???? I am trying to find a way to nicely say this...but if I was looking early on after I lost my husband...and the last thing I was doing early on was looking for anyone....I certainly wouldn't be looking at a married man...and certainly wouldn't be "looking at that!!" Ick...yuck...gross...ewe.......!!! Creepy!!!

Okay...now I will regret posting this...but maybe others feel the same...

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