Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hello to you all. I know you have been down this path or starting, but I must say this New Year is just the worst I have felt yet. It's been now 14 months I lost my hubby.
I am angry at the doctors. I am PO'd at sometimes everything.
Just the other day I saw a part of our fenceline leaning. THe cattle on the other side are pushing against the fence pushing the t-posts as they are trying to get some grass from my side. I called my neighbor to tell him. THey have no grass as they have let the pasture grow into one giant thornbush pasture.
Same with the other neighbor. She doesn't do ANYTHING. I killed and pulled a ton of jumping cactus and asked her to spray her side since it's her cactus coming through onto my side. NOPE. She's too lazy. And both neighbors have lots more $$ than I do and they let their land look like crap.
I am hand digging Prickly Pear cactus out of a horses lot since the boy who shredded for me ran over the cactus. It takes me 2-1/2 hours to fill 3 empty 50 pound feed sacks of this cactus to have the trash service haul it away. It weighs easily 60+ pounds when I fill the bag 3/4 full. Then I tied it up with hay strapping and tie it tight so it won't come out.
I have to use the tractor just to take the trash can out front. I cannot roll it 350 feet when it's that heavy.
So I am missing my hubby badly. Know I have lots of work. and am frightened about what I will do and how I will sell lots of his machinery.
It is overwhelming and I am having a major headache and anxiety.
I will be seeing my doctor in another couple months and I don't know even what to tell him.
I feel like I have fallen backwards and I feel so alone without my husband.
Guess I'd better get busy doing something or I'll go crazy. Or call it a day and put the horses up, give them some hay and sit with the dogs as they know something is wrong and they surround me giving me their love.
IF not for the animals I'd likely be a looney toon by now.
THanks for listening.
Letty
I am angry at the doctors. I am PO'd at sometimes everything.
Just the other day I saw a part of our fenceline leaning. THe cattle on the other side are pushing against the fence pushing the t-posts as they are trying to get some grass from my side. I called my neighbor to tell him. THey have no grass as they have let the pasture grow into one giant thornbush pasture.
Same with the other neighbor. She doesn't do ANYTHING. I killed and pulled a ton of jumping cactus and asked her to spray her side since it's her cactus coming through onto my side. NOPE. She's too lazy. And both neighbors have lots more $$ than I do and they let their land look like crap.
I am hand digging Prickly Pear cactus out of a horses lot since the boy who shredded for me ran over the cactus. It takes me 2-1/2 hours to fill 3 empty 50 pound feed sacks of this cactus to have the trash service haul it away. It weighs easily 60+ pounds when I fill the bag 3/4 full. Then I tied it up with hay strapping and tie it tight so it won't come out.
I have to use the tractor just to take the trash can out front. I cannot roll it 350 feet when it's that heavy.
So I am missing my hubby badly. Know I have lots of work. and am frightened about what I will do and how I will sell lots of his machinery.
It is overwhelming and I am having a major headache and anxiety.
I will be seeing my doctor in another couple months and I don't know even what to tell him.
I feel like I have fallen backwards and I feel so alone without my husband.
Guess I'd better get busy doing something or I'll go crazy. Or call it a day and put the horses up, give them some hay and sit with the dogs as they know something is wrong and they surround me giving me their love.
IF not for the animals I'd likely be a looney toon by now.
THanks for listening.
Letty
You're not the only loony toon in the room, sweetie. Trust me. At least we can listen. Hugs to you - Marsha
My husband died of cancer too. He had it twice. WE really thought he had beat it and he was NED for 11 years, but still had many things to encounter throughout those years. So I was caregiver twice. He was extremely ill both times. 1st time chemo, radiation at the same time.
Radiation 2 x a day!! THen cancer moved to his brain. Gamma knife he endured. then steroids destroyed his hips, he had 2 full total hip replacements. Broken bones, blood clot, etc etc etc.
This last time he stopped chemo after first 3 rounds. He didn't want to stay sick since he was terminal. I handled everything again with many more horses this time.
I would do anything for him and I took care of him to the end. He was only 62 when he died.
Our ranch we built from scratch so I will do what I can and stay here until I feel it's my time to move and sell.
I love the country and peace and quiet, hear the coyotes at night and now the wild hogs. I was out chasing them in the pasture to get out I was so mad to see them running around out there. I know it's crazy and my friends think it was too of course because the hogs could've chased ME. But I was on a mission and I scared them out.
Next time I won't do it without some protection. I promise , haha!
Marsha, thanks for replying. You have helped me laugh at myself and well, that's good.
take care!!!
Depending on how much machinery you have, maybe you could have an auction.
I know I take on to much because I am alone now. I do wish you luck.
Hugs, Sandi
I think it's a lot for one person to take care of and you will have to get some help but I think it's where you're truly happiest.
Your experiences are worthy of a book though, that's for sure. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Roz
I know how tough it is, we kind of have the same problem.. I don't have much help but when I do I take full advantage, my brother comes from out of town at least twice a month to help, and my husbands friends have started to help. It's hard to know what to do, we have tons of equipment too, and I question what to do, but for now I just take care of what I have to do and then I'll figure the rest out as I go along. Stay strong sweetheart my prayers are with you. You're not a loony, Big hugs, big time
Roz