Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nicker07 10/27/2011

My good friend is now with her two children (grown) and having to make the decision to let her husband go. Three days ago while working their cattle one cow charged him, hitting his chest, throwing him up, he hit the ground hard: he was out - and gone - he was revived but serious chest and head injuries - swelling in his brain caused surgery to relieve that but it was determined there was no helping him.

My other friend (her good friend also) lost her husband 7 months ago from horse riding accident....crushed pelvic so bad he did not make it...

a few months ago another friend's husband committed suicide, she has been in reclusion so have not talked to her much (again she is also my friends friend)

A few days ago my husband and my friend died (same age as my husband) had aneursym burst in his brain..his funeral is Sat....I am so upset I do not think I can go...

We are both in tears and such sadness...FOR some reason this t ime it has sorta hit us hard - we have been good friends comforting each other with our losses....

Alls I can do is just cry.....I am seriously so tired of being alone...

gone2soon 10/27/2011

This is truly sad. I am so sorry to hear of all the trajedy that is surrounding you right now. Having gone through the worse thing you can imagine losing your spouse, none of us ever wish for another to have to suffer as we do. So sorry for your friends, will remember them in prayer. Just when we think we can't go on and have no strength, it is amazing how we do manage to go on. Wishing you peace and comfort
Anne

Caroline04 10/27/2011

That's terrible about your friend's husband. How tragic.

It really makes us realize that within a blink of an eye, our lives can be so changed. Recently, an in-law of a niece was bitten by a mosquito. He scratched it and went into the ocean which led to a very long chain of events and even amputation. The infection still killed him. Such unusual circumstances.

I am not a pesamistic type person, but getting older isn't quite like I thought it would be. You are just about back on your own feet and now your friends are going through the same, I am sorry, and I can understand it brings you pain also. It is hard to offer comfort when you are not totally healed yourself. If you can't attend the funeral, I'm sure your friend will understand. I think it took me almost two years until I felt able to deal with a lot of things.

Let's just hope there are brighter days ahead. We need to believe there will be!

pathoflife 10/27/2011

Your post broke my heart. I am so sorry that your circle of friends is now joining the ranks of the grieving. The fact that you can be there for them will be of great comfort for them, but it will drain youand most likely has alreadywhile trying to be strong for them. What a terrible experience to have to live over and over again in your heart as you see each of your friends face their loss. May you find the right words to help them when you are called upon for support. Also, please take care of yourself, as it will be easy to become lost in the sadness and step back in time. Blessings to you. TJ

Joely 10/27/2011

I am so sorry! Too much sorrow! Prayers going up for you.
Hugs, Joely

deleted_user 10/27/2011

Hi,

I am very sorry about all of these deaths, and especially your husband. It must feel so overwhelming with one loss after the other. Keeping you in prayer.

Shar

deleted_user 10/27/2011

I am so sorry Nicker, for all you are dealing with now, and all your friends are only beginning to deal with. It's so hard. My heart just breaks for ALL of you.

They are fortunate in that they have YOU to help guide them through these first days. That in itself is a gift. I'm worried for you though, becuase with all this to have to be there for, it can really drain you, and I know how hard it has been for you, and all you have had to do with your own loss. Try to take care of YOU in this too okay?

And yes, this aone things does SUCK. Please know though that we are here for whenever YOU need to vent, and I believe that you WILL.

and please my best thoughts are with you, and with your friends who have to be hurting so badly right now. these decisions are the hardest anyone will ever have to make.

HUGS TIGHT HUGS to all of you

Diane

yellowrose3 10/27/2011

Oh Dear, I am so sorry to hear about all this happening to you. Life just brings one thing after another sometimes. It's so hard to go through your own grief without adding to it. Be good to yourself, and take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts. Donna

deleted_user 10/27/2011

All that heartache at once can take its toll, no doubt. I know it is hard but try not to let the darkness take over. Try to be good to yourself. This may sound strange, but try to watch a comedy (if you can find a good one). The laughing is good for you. Sometimes I force myself to go to redbox and get one. Its not easy trying to resist but try. You can do it. We are here for you.

cliffskat 10/28/2011

I am so sorry you are going through this and that your friends are all facing such tragedies. I am glad you were able to come here and tell us about it, I hope it lets you know that there are others who do care. You will be able to help your friends, but only so much - unfortunately you know that too well. Tell them about our group here and bring them here, and we can share the load with you.

Sending you Love and Big Hugs, Martha

deleted_user 10/28/2011

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of that. Just remember you are not alone! You have DS and all of us here.

I know that for a long time I felt like I was alone, even when I was in a room full of people I knew. I think I felt like that because I had lost a piece of my self when my husband died. Once I started talking about things the loneliness faded some, but I still feel like that sometimes.

Do you have any grief/bereavement groups in your area?

Lisa

cleodoggie 10/28/2011

Nicker-I have come to this thread quite a few times. I just don't know what to say but I am so sorry. Big hugs to you

Nicker07 10/28/2011

My friend Rose and I have been crying for the last day and ahalf for our other friend who had to make the decision last evening to let him go. She lost her husband ~7 months ago, me 1 yr 3 months.

We have decided knowing them as we do it would be tough to go to the services - so we are going together to see her in two weeks just us two as she knows we have been there done this....
We remember the silence after everyone leaves, goes back to work etc... Boy has the last day been tough, alls I could do is cry - for her, for Rose and for me again...
All of these men were around 68 yrs of age....And all of us women were younger.....

NewRoadsForMe 10/28/2011

Nicker, I am so sorry for you and your friends. I think it's a good idea what you came up with, not to attend the funeral but to go see your friend in a couple weeks. It is a fact of life that as we get older, we will lose more friends and family members. Getting older is no piece of cake. But we must "Accept the things we cannot change; have courage to change the things we can; and the wisdom to know the difference." Our attitude towards what is happening is the only thing we can control. I pray you 3 will find strength together in your understanding of each other's pain. My prayers are with you and them.
Kathleen

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