I really value my alone time and so I don't know if I am the right person to advise you. I just know that it can be tough to live with someone you love, let alone a person you barely know. It is very soon to make such a big decision.

Hmmm . . . no easy answer in my opinion. I understand the loneliness of an empty home for sure. However, I had my mother come stay for two months and I thought we'd strangle each other after only a couple of weeks (and this being in a large home). Not sure it's fair to compare a mother to an almost stranger . . . but that was my experience. I find myself needing to be "alone" with self.

Just remember "home" is your sanctuary . . are you sure you are ready to share? It may be too soon to make such a heavy decision. At the very least, I would advise spending more time with this woman and getting to know her before considering further.

In any event, I wish you the best in whichever decision you make. Hugs, Dayna

I completely understand the dilemma. I also live in a very rural area and I felt very vulnerable after my husband passed in trying to manage a large country home. I found myself arranging for many different visitors (friends and family) to come -- and then feeling more anxious before and after their visits than when I was on my own for a stretch! At one point right before the holidays, a friend of mine suggested that her college age daughter rent a room in my home, which is nearer the college she was attending than her own home. At first I thought this was a solution to the "aloneness", until I began to re-think what it would mean to share my home with someone who was not my husband or even a family member. I drew up a list of "pros" and "cons" and found that there were more negatives than positives. And so we did not proceed with the arrangement. As it turns out, my son has figured a way to come and stay with me for a few days quite frequently and that has been wonderful. I have also found my neighbors to be truly generous and supportive and have made some new friends in the town as well. I am not sure I would have ventured out to make these connections if I had a boarder.

I think fore me at least, alone time is important, especially in the early stages when it was probably hardest to believe that. And I also think that making too many changes too soon can complicate things, including grief. At some point in the future, I will certainly consider a room-mate and so forth, but I am going to wait until I have a clearer sense of the kind of companionship I would expect from someone who is sharing my home. At this point, I am still trying to figure out who I am now and what I need.

But that is just me. It may be very different for you. I guess I would just suggest that you think about what daily life would be like if this lady were living with you in your home. What kind of changes would she make to your day? to your routine? to your home itself? Would these changes be helpful to you or would they make it more difficult? If the situation did not work out, would you have a reliable "escape plan" that wouldn't make family dynamics more difficult?

I wish you the very best of luck with this decision and hope that you will take the time you need to make the choice that is best for you. And of course, I wish you peace and healing!

Valie

I understand the thoughts of having someone to support you, but divorce and being widowed are very emotional times. To put that together in one place I would avoid, especially since you will need private time for a while. Sharon

This to me falls into the "wait a year until you make important decisions" category . Bringing someone in your home during this time of grieving is a very important choice IMO. Not only would it be a stranger to you but also a stranger going through the emotions of divorce . You may not understand her pain and she may not understand yours. The idea of making a pros and cons list is a valid one . In a year`s time you may be better equipped to make those kind of life choices and may decide that having a roommate is a good option for you.

My concerns would include the reasons for her break-up with her husband. Has there been domestic violence? Would you want to be caught in the middle of a confrontation between two highly charged upset people??

I don't think it's a good idea on any level for several reasons, but especially for your own safety. Divorces get messy, and they are full of conflict. And if she is bitter and angry about her divorce, then no way is she going to be prepared to be supportive while listening to you detail why you miss your hubby.

Your granddaughter may think it's a perfect solution, but I think it's child-like thinking, probably wishful thinking.

After she leaves her husband and gets settled, maybe invite her over to visit. But for right now, your priority has to be you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I would advise against this Ramar, thinking it is much too soon for such a big decision. A voice around the house would be nice in one respect but it will also be a recurring reminder that it is not your dear husband. I ran amuck with deciding this and that thinking I had to rearrange my life that was so shattered. You don't have to, it will arrange itself best with you doing what you know is right for you and not what someone else thinks is right for you. My deepest sympathy to you for your loss.
Jean

I'm going to say, no don't do it. But I don't like other people very much. So there's that. What are your feelings about someone bringing strange men into your home? Who is going to pay for what? How much do you value your personal things? Blah, it's different when you are put together with others because you have no choice, but why invite trouble if you don't have to? Write up a contract before, and have her sign. You never know, and you want to be able to kick her out if she launches a takeover of your space.

I wonder about the family dynamics of having your daughter-in-laws mother living in your home. Would you then be over run with pop-in visitors (non-family included)? What the others have mentioned seems a lot to consider in having her live with you.

I would advise against it also. You need your alone time to heal. My granddaughter moved in with me right after. She cost a lot to keep up. Utilities doubled, so when I finally got her out. Then I was alone. I handled it great, got things together. Then my son moved in with me. Stress is here for the last 8 months. Its been 2 years now. Back to square 1......

I have a 3 level home and my oldest Son lives in the lowest level. He is there for emotional and financial support, as he pays rent.
He has his own bedroom, bathroom and living room. We don't see much of each other unless we want to. Except I make dinner for us every night. I would not eat very well if I wasn't cooking for him.
He was gone this weekend and I hated being in the house alone.
Hugs, Sandi

Maybe a dog would be better company for right now -- give you a loving presence in the house, and a little protection, too, I would think. Just a thought......

I agree with Martha. My dogs really helped me in the beginning and still do.

if you have a separate room and bath with a separate entrance and don't give her access to the house at all and she is paying a set rent every month, it could be okay....however, i would WAIT until you have been solo for at least a year. also awkward if you know the person you are renting to unless its one of your children and they are RESPONSIBLE children, and pay their own bills etc.

I too have entertained the idea of a roommate. Even posted the question on this site. From the responses I received not many people thought it was good idea but my situation is different from yours. I had no one person in mind. Was going to post an add to see what kind of interest I would get. One thing that stuck with me is that the person and myself might not be compatible. Then what. I also wondered about a stranger being in my house when I wasn't at home.

I understand the "empty house syndrome". Like so many others on here I don't like it either. I don't have family close by and only a few friends so I know how long the days can become. I still think how nice it would be to have some one else here. Then I realize what I am really missing is my husband and that someone else in this house could only complicate this journey.

Writing down on paper the pros and cons as suggested by someone else is a great idea. This may help you in making your decision.

Hugs

Hugs