Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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FM0528 05/27/2015

Tomorrow would have been my & Brad's 6th anniversary. This will be the second one since his passing. I don't remember exactly what I did last year, I know I took a rose to the cemetery and that emotionally I was ok. I had expected to be a mess, but wasn't. I don't know how tomorrow will be. Yesterday was 6 years since I gave him my number (silly I know but I stepped way out of my comfort zone and still have never done anything remotely similar) and I was a mess. of course last minute I've decided to try to do something in remembrance of our life together tomorrow. I will go to the cemetery (weather permitting) and thought about maybe releasing a balloon. I found a green dress today that I plan on wearing, green was his favorite color.

With all this I am curious about how others handle anniversaries. Things people may do in remembrance or celebration, etc.

npc4204 05/27/2015

My anniversary is coming up in June. It would have been our 35th. Last year my husband was in the hospital on our anniversary. He passed a few weeks later.
I don't know what I'll do on that date, but I hope you have a peaceful day with good memories.

Hugs,
Janie

KimKos 05/28/2015

The first anniversary (would of been the 33) was 2 months after..I flew out that day with my sister to go visit my daughter...the 2nd year I stayed home ..it was rough..i was in a very sad place..this year would of been 35...i went to work and let the day be another day...i never thought I would do that but for me It was what I needed to do...

silverfoxwife 05/28/2015

It's been 3 years since the passing. I decided 3 years of mourning is over. The week of the anniversary, I honored my husband by wearing different outfits, one blue dress that he told me I looked nice. A black outfit for mourning, a white outfit for for final mourning and a red outfit that he brought back for me. It was a gift from a family that had adopted him while he lived and worked overseas. The co-workers from the old company knew why I wore those clothing while most people did not know and one person made a joke on my red outfit. Little did he know or understand the meaning and how simple and elegant this outfit was. I don't do anything for our wedding anniversary or birthdays.

cdameron 05/28/2015

Our 25th Wedding Anniversary would have been this August 4th, it iwll be my first with out her. Our Anniverary was always my responsibility to take care of and plan.

I don't know what to do, I can't go the cemetary because she was cremated and is on the China Cabinet next to her mother, where she wanted to be.

Maybe I will just go out to dinner at the Olive Garden, it is where we dined on our wedding night, but I am not sure that may be to hard.

I don't like the firsts, I know it gets easier, but the firsts are the hardest.

oh, how I miss her every day.

matoacalady 05/28/2015

I am facing my 40th since my Ben passed in January......I cannot even fathom how I will be that day and am not looking forward to it at all.....will be my first one.

Glad you found the strength and courage.....

Hugs
Jen

dvelasco69 05/28/2015

I absolutely hate all of these first anniversaries. I just wish everyone would pretend the date means nothing. By acknowledging all of these makes me feel worse. Got through Christmas, Valentines Day, Daughters 16th & 13th birthdays, my birthday and Mothers day. Now I just have Fathers Day and my 18th Wedding Anniversary in July. Death Anniversary December. I want the firsts over with. Most days I feel okay, but as these dates approach, I am a mess!!

deleted_user 05/28/2015

I used to tell Morey that I LOVE firsts! I loved the FIRST time he kissed me, the FIRST time I said I love you and the FIRST time he said it back to me. The FIRST time we made love, the FIRST time we traveled together and on and on,

Since he's gone........there are NO MORE FIRSTS! When Morey died so did my joy of FIRSTS!

Roz

Shrn 05/28/2015

Don died just a few months after our 40th Anniversary so I had most of the year before dealing with it. I cried. I wrote him a letter asking him if we were still married, because in my heart we were. He's ashes are with me still and I held his resting place. I wanted and needed to be alone to have time for us on that day. I spent a lot of time alone that first years. Gradually finding places to go and who I felt safe to be around. For me, it was the right thing to do. I knew what I needed and did it although many said I should do differently. Sharon

tothemoonalice 05/28/2015

Since you mentioned anniversaries, my 30th was two days ago, 20 months since my husband died, so my second without him. I thought about its coming all during May, and I felt shorter-fused than normal. But the day was peaceful and I honored Steve by making by hand a saddle arrangement of silk flowers for his headstone. It really turned out beautifully and as I placed it, I talked to Steve. Even though our marriage was not perfect, I still miss him a lot, and I told him so. I told him I wished we had had more time together, and especially the chance to be retired together and to some day be grandparents.

My two grown children knew it was our anniversary because I mentioned it was coming up, but nobody else knew and that was okay. This was a day for me to remember my life with Steve and it wasn't really sad, just evocative.

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