Several times I have sat here wanting to write something to share. I wanted my feelings to pour out and shed some insight on whatever thinking was going on in my mind, what my body was feeling. The process of grieving encompasses the whole body. I myself want to know how I am feeling. I am here. I live and breathe and eat. I take showers and even fix my hair. My house is clean, really clean and I don't often open a bottle of wine. Mostly I feel like I am hanging upside down, not feeling it, it isn't pleasant it just is. There is no purpose, no future, no joy, no one is smiling we are all lost, lost people just hanging there. Waiting...so long waiting....just handing there

Lininsocal, You are so articulate - couldn't have described my feelings any better. I find it very difficult to put into words how I feel. Every day I move forward like nothing has happened, but inside feel like I'm empty.

I can't remember anything at all. I try to make lists and I try to use my calendar more - he used to tease me for both of these "crutches" because he always remembered those things, so I'd stopped - but I just can't remember a thing any more. I also can't find things, which I heard is similarly common in the grieving process - if I set something down, whether it's paperwork or my lunch, I'm likely to have to search high and low to find it again.

Wow, I am so glad that I'm not the only one doing this. I feel like I've totally lost my mind. I can't remeber anything either. I used to be as sharp as a tack. I knew where everything was, could finsh things on time or before they were due, remebered phone numbers ect. Now, Ya, I am just drifting, don't remeber anything, lose everything, can't seem to finish anything I've started and don't care if anything gets done.
I agree with Lininsocal, there is no purpose to anything, I'm just sitting here waiting for God to take me home. The future seems pretty bleak, and I just want my husband, I want my normal back.

I feel exactly the same way. I feel empty, that's the only way I can describe it.

I call it "Swiss Cheese Brain" because it's like there are holes in my memory. I have a head for details - professionally it's one of the things that made my career. Then I became a widow and it all went out the window. I forgot names of people I had worked with for years. I'd go to the supermarket and buy things I had already bought on the last trip. I knew something was wrong when I hit the "buy one-get one free" sale on olive oil for the third time - 6 bottles of olive oil? It scared the hell out of my sons, too, as they were relying on me even more with their father gone.

I was in a constant fog. I couldn't think straight. Work became a real trial - people relied on me keeping it all together - I was the one who was supposed to know everything and be able to handle anything - I worried I would lose my job because I knew I wasn't functioning as I should have been. Thank God my boss and my managers were supportive.

Somehow I managed to get things done. I got the after-death paperwork done. I paid the bills. I fed my kids. I kept my job. But I don't remember a whole lot of those early days. I was on auto-pilot - like there was two of me - one that was still managing to get things done and one that spent all of her time in agonizing pain grieving.

Our brains are trying to make sense of it all - the devastation is on too many levels to easily process it all. We're absolutely exhausted and spent - sleep evades us and when it does come it's often nightmares that we get. There is no physical comfort, no emotional comfort, and most of us go through a time of spiritual crisis. Our friends desert us, the people closest to us haven't a clue what we're going through - even the ones that love us.

It does ease up. My ability to think clearly did return. I found different ways of finding comfort, and after a long battle have found my praying voice again.

Practical advice? Drink plenty of water to combat the dehydration of crying which will make you even more foggy-headed and exhausted. Take a multivitamin every day to help rebalance the brain chemistry - stress wipes out the essential nutrients your body and brain need to think clearly. Try to get some decent sleep - chamomile tea or a Tylenol PM can help or talk with your doctor about sleep meds.

Make notes on your calendar for when things need to be done - even simple things like paying the bills - and check them off when you get them done and congratulate yourself on having gotten them done. I keep a shopping list on the fridge now and my sons help me know what I'm supposed to be getting so I don't replay the 6 bottles of olive oil episode. Celebrate every little victory - it will help you build your courage to keep going.

The grief is like a constant tape loop playing in the back of your mind. It's going to drain you, and you have to fight back. That's problematic because most of us stop caring about our own lives when we lose the love of our lives. We say, "Who cares?" But the reality is that there is always someone who does care - even when we don't. Some of the ones who care are still with us, and there is one no longer here who does care and doesn't want to see us like this. Fight back for their sake until you find a reason to fight back for your own sake. There will come a time when you will be glad you did fight back.

I hope this helps. Love and Hugs, Martha

I think we are all looking for this answer - if you find it please share!

I sometimes feel like I have totally lost it. The other day I pulled up in the drive with both grandkids sleeping in the back. I was hoping for a smooth transition to their beds, but got out, left the van running and in drive!!!!! Luckily, I was able to jump in and hit the brake before anything happened. Needless to say both kids woke up with the slamming of the brakes.

And I say the stupidest things. Just today my son was looking for a phone number and I said "Hang on, I will look in the cucumber." I meant phone book of course and have no earthly idea why I said cucumber! No reason at all for me to have said that. I could understand if I'd have been making a salad or even been in the kitchen. I am constantly forgetting what I was going to say or using the wrong words. It is just crazy.

I lost much of my memory also and lost things constantly. I made lots of notes and sometimes they helped and sometimes I couldn't remember what the brief note meant. DH was ill for 8 mos. and under chemo and radiation treatments most of that time. Keeping up with appts., medications, etc. much less keeping my sadness under control for his sake just fried the brain. With his death, it got even worse. The good thing is that it's coming back at 2 1/2 yrs. Martha said it very eloquently and I agree. Take care.

Absolutely absentminded. Scully, thanks for the laugh. I cracked up about the cucumber. I find myself doing things like putting dirty dishes in the frig, instead of the dishwasher. Poured my coffee into the sugar bowl. Tonight I took a baking dish out of the oven with a mitt, set it down and then picked it up with my other bare hand. Ouch. I have to stop calling myself stupid though. I have been using a calender for everything and notes on the frig. Hug, Donna

Lost the remote control. Found it. Put it down. Lost the remote control.

This all happened within 2 minutes.