hiskim....you are making perfect sense. Hang on and breath. When I picked up my husbands cremains I was almost euphoric to "have him home"....sadly that did not last and I cry each day missing him so much. He passed in Jan. and some days it feels like forever.

You will find the best people here who understand this strange new world we find ourselves in. I am so sorry for your loss and send you thoughts to find peace....as if that is possible.

We run the gamut of emotions here....last weekend I almost hit rock bottom and so many reached out to me and I cannot tell you how much it helped. Take it one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

Hugs
Jennifer

You make sense. Unfortunately you make perfect sense. The grieving process is so painful! I remember when I was at one week, I thought I was having a heart attack. The pressure was so great in my chest but it is called grieving. Probably the most painful thing we will ever go through. I know it is hard to believe at the very moment but I am at 3 months now and the pressure has gone. I do feel a little more myself. I hope you have a good support system. This site will help you. Members here helped me to make it. By their wisdom and guidance and very good advice. Thinking of you and sorry for your loss. Hugs!

deep breates, one in and one out, repeat. Come here often, it does help. Most days I check in before work, after work and before bed. Make us one of your new habits, everyone here is wonderfully supportive and you will find others who "get it" even when you can't explain what you are feeling. I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry...that was one of the hardest things I had to do, too...and the feeling of wanting to die is normal...it's been almost 6 weeks and I still feel that way. Take care and hang in there.

Kim . . . you are indeed stronger than you think. Remember this! It may not seem like it today as you are somewhat on autopilot. Doing what needs to be done, moving with the required motions. Deep down, no one will truly understand your challenges and grief. Please don't expect them to. With that said . . here on DSWW, we've all walked this path before you and endured. We survived, as shall you. It's tough, not easy . . . but one breath, one baby step at a time, you will find solace and healing. "I promise". Please hang in there. Keep reaching out as you need to . . we are here. Big, big hug to you, along with healing thoughts and prayers sent your way. xo, D

Kim,
You are making sense... These are going to be difficult days for a while.
Reach out, here any time we will all be here to support, encourage
and affirm all the turmoil of emotions you may feel. You will get through this.
I send my love to you, dear Kim.
Your friend...Sandra

I was a sobbing hysterical wreck when the funeral home sent word that my husband's ashes were ready to come home. I drove there alone and sat in the parking lot just melting down. BUT then once I had his beautiful urn, I felt a lot better. Having him home was so much better than the limbo. It was horribly FINAL having him home...the last thing in the death process, but I have him with me and it's a big comfort. The grief is immense still but he's home. I hope you get some peace having him home.

I am so sorry.... I also had to go last year all by myself to pick up my husband's ashes. I sobbed all the way there, and then all the way home. It was surreal. Once home, there was a peace that set in. He was home -- the place he loved most in life. We have cemetery plots, but he remains at home still. I wish you much peace.

I'm sorry, like everyone else says "breathe", you are strong, you will get through this, and he will always be with you.

When I picked up my wife's ashes the box was warm to my touch, the lady in the office said it didn't feel warm to her. Kind of makes sense, she always loved being in the sun, or a steaming hot bath. Now she's home, surrounded by her glass cats that she had been collecting all her life.

Just take it one baby step at a time. You are strong but you have to give yourself the right and time to grieve. Do you have someone to go with you? I had the funeral home bring the ashes to his memorial service. That way I was surrounded by my family when I had to deal with the reality of "ashes to ashes". It helped a little bit. Please be kind to yourself and just take a moment to breathe.

Val

Kim- I am so sorry for your loss.Come here often-it does help. Patti

I am so sorry.. breath.. this is going to be hard but I can see a lot of people here relate and care and can help you through.

Jerry's sister has his ashes but emailed me that she doesn;t want them, so I will get them for a while. Then they will be planted into the tree that he wanted. I am not looking forward to the time when I have "him" and it is suddenly very real.

Yes you are strong, you can do this...

It is so sad what you're going through, but many of us have been down that exact same path. Picking up my husband's ashes was very hard. And it felt crazy and strange and tragic on the drive home. I took a side trip by the ice hockey rink where he played three days a week, thinking in my widow logic that that was someplace he would want to go. it felt good to be there for a few minutes in that place that was special to him.

There is no preparation for this, but just keep breathing, and keep paying attention to yourself and your feelings. And if anyone offers to help, let them.

I have a problem with leaving my husband's ashes. He died four months ago and while I have been moving his ashes were at the old house and I would be at the new. I would almost feel like I was leaving my child or something like that at home when they weren't old enough to fend for themselves. Its an odd feeling. I also thought that in the spring when everything would be pretty and green again I would spread his ashes on his parents land like he asked for but I am not sure I can do it. I almost feel like then they get him and I am completely without him. If you have followed any of my other post you know that his family and I are not on the best of terms and I just can't see giving them something that is my last link to him.

Dear KimmyEwing - I understand how you feel about not wanting to part with the ashes even if it was your husband's wish. There is a way to keep a small portion -- they make miniature keepsake urns for when the ashes are being divided, and they make jewelry that can be used to keep a very small bit of ashes with you always. This place perfectmemorials.com has beautiful items and I used them for my husband's urn, and will buy keepsake urns later if the kids want any portion when they are grown and moving away.