Liz, honestly? In looking back, getting rid of Joe's stuff or keeping some of his stuff didn't factor in to my healing. And I've done both. I've gotta say, though, that it took me 9 months just to move his sandals from the front door (where he kicked them off) to the upstairs closet. It's gut wrenching, love. And anyway you choose is your choice, and it's right. Marsha

Thanks for all the replies. Today has been a positive day. I was able to clear out a lot of PJ's clothes. Admittedly most were things he hadn't worn in a long time. The clothes that "speak" to me are still there until I'm ready for the next step. I now have a trunk full of stuff to drop off at Goodwill. Also think it's time to sell some of his "toys" as others have put it. Got some advice recently on using EBay so have signed up for that. In my head I hear him saying "they're just things babe". I was always the more sentimental one. For those in the earlier stages of grief I'm glad I waited until now. At first I was numb and would have parted with things that became more meaningful as time went by. Now I feel I have a better perspective on my emotional attachment to his belongings. It's still hard but as everyone says - one day at a time, right! Hugs to all, Liz

You know best when to start packing things away or allowing them to be used by needy folk. You are certainly not giving him away! There are no rules. This is a sign that you are slowly on the road to acceptance and moving on - this is normal. Power to you.

It has been 10 months since Dan died and I have started moving and getting rid of things. My mom died 11 years ago and my father still has all her clothes in her drawers and hanging in her side of the closet. It is whatever works for you.

I know Liz..I think everyone is different on this....I thought I did so good until it came to the stuff that really mattered...I got rid of the clothes early but saved all the favorite T shirts...I was going to have them made into quilts...finally 2 weeks ago I paid for my quilts and ordered 4 ..so when getting the panels I needed I came short for the 4 but had enough for 3..one of my husbands motorcycle buddies passed exactly 4 months before him so I am now friends with his wife and I called her to see if she wanted the 4th quilt...we had breakfast together and then she gave me all the things she wants on her quilt... after I post this I am going to finish boxing them up and it was such a nice occasion today...we had a few almost weepy moments when we shared the stories behind the shirts and some we were actually together on the same ride ..those stories we sort of dropped a few F bombs on...like it was such a great day a few years back and how the frick did we end up in my room chopping up the shirts...crazy just crazy.....aww Liz the guilt thing I so get that too...all that started flying out of me when I tried to date...maybe that guy wasn't the biggest ass in the world.. as I recall now before I meet him for coffee I stopped at the cemetery and I am sort of sure those were the first words out of my mouth ..Hi Im Kim...lets date I just came from the cemetery...aww man ..ok gonna go pack up my shirts now :>)

Let go of the guilt. Please, please, please, let go of the guilt. Here is what I told myself about guilt and moving forward. I spent 11-12 years with a wonderful man who wanted nothing more from me than that I be happy. That is what he wanted for me while we were together, nothing more. So after his death, would his wishes or desire change. No. He would want me to be happy, even if it meant cleaning out the closet and buying more shoes. He would not want me feeling guilty. And I let the guilt go. And I did not lose the love I had for my husband when I tossed out his perfectly hideous suspender collection, or gave his good suits to Goodwill. I did not lose my memories, I just started creating new ones. Which is what he would have wanted. LIve, Live, Live. Please.
Hugs,
Val

Val your perfectly hideous suspender collection line made me laugh out loud. Thanks, I needed that today!

My husband of 31 years passed away 10 months ago and I also have not been able to go through his belongings. I have tried several times but it is so emotionally draining that I had to stop. The other day I opened on of his drawers and saw his wallet and cell phone. I felt so caught off guard it took my breathe away. I just figure my heart will tell me when I am ready and this is not the time. I feel that each person is different and what ever works for you is how to proceed. I still feel like I am in a bad dream and am waiting to wake up. How could my husband who was only 49 years old, my soulmate and best friend not be here.

Pam, I still have my husbands pants on the bedpost, the drawers are untouched.....I may never clean them out. His shoes are under the bed. I became a widow on 1/16/15 after an 18 month battle with cancer.
His ashes are in the nightstand beside my bed which brings me comfort at night. I may never be able to move forward. We were married for almost 40 years, together 42.
If I am repeating myself I am sorry.....I need to talk about my feelings....and I need someone to understand why I am not smiling, telling them I am having a great day, etc.

I am lost, afraid of everything....just weak.

You don't have to do it all at once. Begin as you're comfortable with. I took his clothes out of his drawers and put them back several times. Eventually I knew, as you said, he doesn't need them anymore and neither did I. His clothes aren't him. We never put him away. Sharon

For me, one of the most ridiculous but agonizing things was that Cliff did all his laundry the day before he died. I had so little left with his scent on it - mostly just his old bathrobe and the clothes he wore that last day. I used to wrap myself up in his robe and cry myself to sleep in it - for months. I left his jeans hanging on the bedroom door even longer, as if he was going to walk back in and put them back on. I gave most of his clothes to Goodwill - no one else was his size. My sister took me there in her car, and I cried in the parking lot and all the way home, but I knew that was the right thing to do - he was the kind of guy that would literally give you the shirt off his back if you needed one, so donating his clothes made sense. I did keep his wedding shirt, which I had sewed by hand for him, and I still have that.

I have moved from the USA to the UK, and part of that was parting with just about everything. Some things were easy, some things so so hard. I did get some great advice here, and that included taking photos of anything with sentimental value before you sell it or donate it. I did that with his guitars and amplifier, and various other odds and ends. That helped.

As far as ebay, it's a good idea to check the completed auctions to see what similar items are selling for. I didn't know that Cliff's acoustic guitar and his electric amplifier were collectibles. I would have sold them for a lot less had I not found that out. The money came in very handy. I cried my eyes out over those, but there was no one else able to play his guitar, and it didn't make sense to try to keep the amp. Anyway, the completed auctions are a good spot to check if you are going to do ebay.

I have a special tapestry box, my "Cliff box," that has his odds and ends that I kept, for myself and for our boys. It's sitting at my feet as I type this. It has traveled 5,000 miles with me. And it brings me a lot of comfort.

Cliff didn't collect hideous suspenders, but he did collect outrageous sunglasses, and antique cufflinks - he could be very eccentric. I still have his guitar finger picks, his cartoon knick-knacks he always kept on the computer, his in-your-face buttons (my favorite is the one that simply says "Bitch Bitch Bitch"), and the hippie love beads he was wearing the first time I laid eyes on him - and fell in love with him at first sight.

Some stuff has emotional weight, some does not. Take your time and do what is right for you. And don't feel guilty...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - Anyone considering selling jewelry, get it appraised first. Don't sell anything to the gold traders - they will rip you off. I sold my engagement ring (it was cursed, long story), but to prove it's value, I spent about $40 to have it properly appraised. It was worth it as I got the true value for it, and the buyer got a good deal. Again, you may not realize how valuable something is and may give something away you regret later.

Hugs....

I'm going on 3 years soon but I donated alot of my husband's clothes to charity. This might sound a little silly but I did save his deodorant, and it still sits in our medicine cabinet. Every single time he would reach out to hug me, I would get a whiff of his clean smelling arms. Every once in a while I take it out and smell it, and smile. We has some good times. I still have some things to go through in the garage though. It will get done...someday.