Hi Kayla. I am truly sorry for your loss. This is something no one can understand unless they go through it, and not a one of us would wish this on any one, good or bad. There is no comparative "normal" for grieving. It is personal to each one of us. But we have similarities that we all identify with. Time to heal is different for all of us, but we all know it takes a whole lot of time. Your kids are dependent on you, and they are your second priority. Your first priority is you -- eat, gets sleep, and drink lots of water. Draw from the love of you children. They will sustain you. What helped me the most in the beginning was reading these posts and replies, I just kept going farther back in time. I began to get educated about grief just by reading what those that went before me had written. You and your kids will be alright. One day at a time. This is not a race. This is survival. God bless and comfort you ~~~ Scottie

Hi Kayla, Scottie says it all (he is a very wise man), and so i get to second it; although we're virtual, indeed we know what you are going through - even virtually, it's amazing how much solace can be found in reaching out (ANYTHING) to someone you know, knows. Let's all be here for each other.

nanne (snowalone)

Hey Kayla,
Here we do know what your going thru. And although I am sorry you have a reason to be here I am glad you found this site.
I am at ten months now. And it is still rough. It gets a little easier but everyone moves along at their own pace. Even though those comments can make you frustrated, there is more truth in them than not. Because unless you go thru this there is no way to understand it. It is completely different than loosing anyone else. The man thing, do what you need for you. You probably have found that a lot of folks who you thought would be there have disappeared. This seems to be a common thing that has happened to everyone. Some will think it's time to move on. Don't let anyone rush you. Take your time and heal at your own pace. Life maybe normal for others right now, but it isn't for you. So be patient with yourself.
As for being on the site, there are some very compassionate and caring people on here. You can vent, ask for advice, or just ramble. whatever you need to do. We have all been where you are. And that's the best part. You will find someone here who is at a stage ahead of you and can let you know what to expect.

But please take care of you.
Peace, Tim

Hi Kayla
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away Oct 18 from a brain aneurysm. We had 4 children together 13, 10, 8 and 5. I was in shock for months, I still can't believe it happened. My kids keep me going. I feel like people have no idea what we are going through unless they have been through it. Take care.

I lost my Fianc June 2, 2016, we were supposed to get up that morning to get our marriage license to be wed on Saturday. This too was unexpected as he was only 33 years old. I don't have children so I can not imagine what you're going through w the kids... But I've never felt so lost in my life. Please reach out to me if you'd like. We could use all of the support we can get.

W love,

Lauren South Florida

Kayla,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My husband passed away 2/24/16 at the age of 44. He had a simple skin infection that somehow turned into sepsis and he passed away from septic shock. All of this happened within the span of about 7 days. He was admitted on Wednesday, by Sunday he was placed on a ventilator, and he passed away Wednesday afternoon.

I am 37 and we have three children, ages 14, 13, and 4. It is so overwhelmingly frightening to think that I am the sole caregiver and sole person that is financially responsible for them. Not to mention, we were all just so emotionally devastated over his loss. It still doesn't seem real these days.

I can tell you that I will be forever grateful for this site. The people here are just so genuine, open, and willing to relate their own life experience. It is so comforting to know that I'm not the only person that feels the way I do. While most people I interact with at work are well-meaning when they ask "How are you doing?", I've noticed that if I say something other than the obligatory "I'm fine." they begin to get this look of panic as if they don't know how to deal with me and they're looking for the quickest way out. I can't really say that I blame them. When you haven't experienced a loss like this, you really don't know how to relate. So, I've really tried not to hold that against them.

I have realized that I may have been just as insensitive without realizing it before Michael passed. Though I've never known anyone whose spouse has died, I have known people that have lost their children, and as a friend I just really was at a loss for words. I couldn't compare what I thought I would feel to what she was actually feeling.

Please don't give up and know that you have got a large "family" here to support you and help you get through these rough times. You and your family are in my prayers.

Hi Kayla
Im glad you found us.
My husband passed away 3/33/2016 in a car accident so i am also new to this.
i want to share what i have learned so far...
There is no guide book.
There are no rules.
There is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
You get through the day by taking it hour by hour or even minute by minute.

I often feel myself going over the edge thinking about everything frank and i will never get to do or do again but my mantra is right here right now help me focus back on making it through the day.

You have found yourself in the middle of a great support network.
Laurie

Hi Kayla -

Please accept my words of support for your loss. You are
in the right place.

I am approaching ten months since I lost my wife. The first
several months were unbearable and I cannot say it is
becoming much easier but it is becoming somewhat
bearable. This site / this group has helped me as everyone
here knows the pain, confusion, despair and sorrow you
are feeling.

I have learned there are no magic answers that will bring
an automatic end to the pain. But I have learned there
are small steps to take each day to try to cope with the
horrible thing that has happened in your life. It is the
combined small steps that is assisting me in getting
through each day.

Continue to visit with us. There are people here that truly
care and all of us will try to help you.

Blessings to you -

Darrell

Hi Kayla we know what u r going through welcome to the group. My husband transcended on 6/3/16. This is a great site to talk
.

Hi Kayla... So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband
of 36 years on feb6 so it is still a daily struggle
for me. There are some wonderful people on this site and
they have wonderful advice. You have definitely found the
place where people know how you feel
xxxxxx
Patricia

Kayla; I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband and your children's father. This grieve is a hard journey to travel. I lost my husband almost one year ago on the fourteen of June. He passed in his sleep and I found him.
I never thought I'd get to a place where I could be at peace with his loss but this month I think I have. (fingers crossed) All I can say let yourself go through every emotion you are feeling at the time. It's best to let it out and express to your children what your feeling and let them do the same.
One thing my daughters and grandkids and I do is still mention his name and talk about him. He was here he lived. We'll always have great memories of him.
This grieve comes and goes in waves, some days are good others not so much. Just go with it and never let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. Try not to make any major decisions right now.
I found this sight a month after my husband passed it was a God send. Such sharing and caring people. Everyone heals at their own pace. Remember there is no expiration date on grieving.
Take care of yourself, drinks lot of water, eat and sleep when you can. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Anger, guilt, what if's, would of, should of, could of, we all have had them on this journey.
Prayers and Peace...........................Gail

Kayla...so sorry to hear that your husband passed away....my husband passed away on 3/25/2016. His illness was a shock to say the least and being told we had a few years, we ended up with only 5 months. My daughter is in her 20s, so she is self sufficient, but I still feel the need to check in on her constantly. I've told others that I have good days, bad days, and "ok" days. The ok days are the hardest because I feel numb those days...no crying or smiling, just existing. Take one day at a time, because that's all you can do right now.

Always Sue

Kayla,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please keep coming to this site even if you just read the posts. I am at 3 years and I found this site soon after my husband passed in April 2013. It does and will get better. In the early days you're still in a fog. Sometimes it takes all of your energy just to breathe. Everyone here gets it. Take your time......feel the feelings....grief is a journey you have to go through to get to the other side. Let yourself feel. Eat, hydrate, take your meds and/or vitamins,
see your doctor, talk to your friends and family, accept help from those who offer (they will appreciate it) and see a therapist/counsellor about how to explain things to your precious children. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Wishing you peace. Pam

Hi Kayla. I am so sorry. My Danny died last May and he was only 41. I know no words can take this pain away but this is an amazing group that has really helped me. I hope you remain as strong or as weak as you need to be. Sending my love Jennifer

Hi Kayla,
I am sorry for your loss. The previous posts sumarize well the feelings, thoughts, and needs we all have. I lost my wife to a car accident 6 1/2 months ago. We have two grown sons (24) and (21). You are not alone, know that. I come to this site often to read the posts and pray for the needs. I don't post often, I'm not sure why. I've found that people don't want to hear about my wife and our life together and other friends seems to have disappeared. I went out today to make choices for the headstone.
I don't think there is a normal so to speak, but I think those here on this site would be a good resource for you. Sometimes you just need a hug and to not have to say anything nor have anyone say anything to you, just be held for comfort.
Kevin