Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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recently saw a picture

maryelnew
maryelnew
a few days ago I saw a picutre of my father in law. I knew my husband looked/sounded a lot like this date, but I had forgotten how much. In this particular picture, my father in law was probably about 15 years older than my husband when he passed. It hit me like a ton of bricks and took my breathe away. It was like looking at the man my husband would have been, I can't get the image out of my head. It has kind of thrown me for a loop, a visual reminder of the future we will not have together. The retirement that will not happen. My only hope is that somehow the two are now reunited
tim57
tim57
Hey Mary,
They are, they all are until we come home to reunite with them.
Peace, Tim
scottito
scottito
Hi Mary, This is really hard for me to write as it is still very painful for me. I don't know about cancers, never had much exposure to what it can do to a person's body, so all I know is what my wife went through. The diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer came in late January last year. She died in early May. Basically, she died of starvation and dehydration. I watched as she aged, slowly at first, then noticeably week by week, then toward the very last, daily. I'd go to work and come home, and she would be older. She was 66 when she died. She looked at least 90. She battled it to the end until there was literally nothing left for the cancer to take. As I read everyone's experiences here, I come to the conclusion, fast or slow, there is no better or worse way to lose our spouse. It's not how they died that hurts. It's the fact that they did die and are gone from us for whatever time remains for us in this realm. So I saw what my wife would look like really old. And her beauty inside of her still shone - beamed really. God bless you ~~ Scottie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mary,
It must have been very difficult for you to see this picture. The promises that we have of living with our mates until we are both very old is not to be!

There are NO very old men in my Morey's family. They all die in their 50's and 60's, only a few made it to their 70's. His own father was 59. Morey was 74 [one of the oldest.] I guess I should feel lucky that I had him as long as I did.

Maybe, when we meet someone, we should ask them if "long-life" runs in their family!

Roz
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
Mary, Cliff was only 55 when he died. As he got older, he started to resemble his father more - he basically looked like his mother who was gorgeous! The big difference, though, was that his father lived to 79 even with prostate cancer - Cliff didn't even come close to that. So yeah, sometimes those photos that remind you of what is not going to happen - those milestones you won't see together - are truly hard to bear. Even his mother, who died of breast cancer, made it to 66.

It makes you feel crazy to think about too long.....

Hang in there. I know how hard it is. It will get easier.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
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