Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
July 9 2016, we were married june 26,1979, 39 years, he had been ill for a long time, in my head i realize this and knew he was tired of fighting it, he was 9 years older than i , its been one thing after another, our anniversary would have been our 40th, that day was awful for me, then my birthday today, my first in 39 years by myself, its horrid, My mind keeps thinking did i just imagine this man the love of my life, there is nothing left now accept ashes, i cant sleep, if i do i wake up wondering if he needs my help, im lost, everyone says it takes time, you dont get over it but it will get better, I think its because there are no words that anyone can say when you lose someone so close to you, I am sorry for your loss, words words and more words, i am on the roller coaster from hell with ice on the tracks, how long before it gets better before i can let it go im tired so tired of the emotions that are boiling inside of me and no where to erupt ....i am lonely, scared of what the future holds for me alone, I cant do anything without him in my head we did everything togeather...ive cleaned, ive changed things ive worked myself to a frazzle to keep busy...I go fishing, i drive nothing works...i am lost
It's good that you are here, it's so overwhelming for you. right now. I felt all those same feelings, I tried to keep busy to avoid the thoughts. I realized that I had to take each thought and let it flow.
You have endured so much, the grief journey can only be one baby step at a time.
We are here for you, please be good to yourself, and it's your birthday....I'm thinking of you.
Hugs.....Sandra....
Their is a member on the forum, RaininSeattle, if you ask to friend him, he has some wonderful journals which may guide you....I know concentration, for me was an issue at first, but they are good reading..
we were together 30+ years. I know the pain is almost unbearable. It is easy for me to say take it one minute at a time or one hour at a time or one day at a time but it is the only way to get through it. Think about the good times. That usually produces a non-stop flow of tears but the tears will often help you as you go from one minute to the next or one hour to the next.
What helped me and still helps me is writing letters to my wife and recalling our many experiences together over 30+ years. The writing doesn't have to be formal as it is only for you. I also light candles for her every night and I sit and talk to her. That helped me a great deal in the early days / weeks / months and I still do it almost daily / nightly. I offer my advice to you based upon only what I know has helped me. Continue to reach out to others on DSWW as we are all walking the same dark road.
You are in my prayers.
Darrell
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