Wow I know all those feelings. My husband died 19 months ago. He would have been 56 on May 6th this year. All I can say is I will pray for you and be your friend....My heart goes out to you and all the recent widows on DS....Hang in there!!!!
Hugs to you
Susan

It is so hard. I miss him so much and his birthday is coming up this September and I don't know how to cope with this. My daughter's birthday is coming up also in September and we would always go out for dinner together, sing happy birthday and enjoy the day with her. How do I make it through.

Please know that little by llittle it will get better. Maybe you won't feel it getting better but it will. You just lost your hubby less than a month ago. All of this is traumatic and shocking especially because it all happened so quickly. I also went back to work, but i held it up for a few weeks. I am a teacher so my kids were a great distraction from the pain. Seek out help from doctors, support groups (which you might find it will benefit your kids too), therapists, friends, family, etc. I really do not know how to make it better, but in the end these are all feeling that you should be having. Shit, i still have my crying fits and those moments where I plead to God to bring him back. I still ask all those unanswerable questions . . .plain and simple I want my simple happy life back. I want my man back. I am haunted by his death (he had cancer and suffered 11 months with it), and those memories I want them gone. Stay strong and grieve, just know that life is still pushing forward. : )

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you a magic answer that would make things all better. It's a tunnel (that's what I call it) that you're inside of. I know because I lived there for a while when my husband dies. You don't have to live there, you do have to walk through it to get out the other side and into the sunshine again.
I'm here to hold you hand walking through the pain and so are a lot of others here on DS. You're walk will be shared by us and other new members coming to DS and we all benefit. I truly hope you find the comfort and support we offer here. If you do, you will discover what we have here is truly a win/win situation for everyone. Sharon

My deepest sympathy on the loss of your husband. It sounds as if maybe you are feeling some guilt because you were not there when he died, and that is a perfectly normal reaction. Many of us do the "what if" thing, and the fact is, you were there for him as much as you could be and I am sure he knew that. The anger, the feeling of abandonment, etc. are also very normal reactions. There are so many stages of grief, and there is no one-size fits all solution about how to handle it. I would recommend trying a local grief group in addition to this site. Feel free to talk, vent, cry, with us; we understand. I am 7 months out from the death of my wonderful husband from 2nd stroke, and I can honestly say it has gotten better with time. I still have crying spells, and I still dread going through the rest of the "firsts" like our anniversary next week, and his birthday in September. Like you I want to talk to my husband, so I write him "letters"; it helps.
I think what has helped me is focusing on the happy memories rather than his illness and death (he died from a 2nd stroke). We have to move forward, one step at a time because we really cannot go back. I hope you feel a little bit better today. laurabp

Life just doesn't seem fair. My husband was and is the love of my life and I feel like I have lost everything. I feel guilty, sad, full of hate, angry, hurt etc because this should not have happen. We were both young and we are suppose to grow old. Why did the Lord do this to us? Why could my husband not live longer? Why was he taken away so sudden? Why did he have to leave me? I want answers to these questions. I need to know that he is okey since I always took care of all his needs. I love him and want him back.

I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I loss my husband to a sudden cardiac arrest, and he was gone in 2 days from this happening on 5/18/09. I know the pain you feel, and since I feel the same grief, I have no answers. What I can say is that it sounds as if you were there with your husband for a few months from the time that he had his cardiac arrest, which is a great blessing.

My thoughts are with you,
lespreludes

I was there but he went into a coma from the day he suffer the cardiac arrest which was on May 6th, 2009. It was so hard seeing him in that situation and the doctors telling me to pull the plug. I refused to do it because I had hope he would wake up. I know that he heard us talking to him because he would open his eyes move his head and was starting to move his arms and legs. The pain is so great and I cannot understand what happen and why do these things happen to very nice people. My husband was such a great loving person. I miss him so much and I don't know how to continue living without him. I know that my kids need me but how can I be strong when my husband was my strenght. He was everything to me. Yesterday, I had a blow out on the freeway and all I could rememeber was him telling me never to press the brakes suddenly but to slowly and move to side of the road which I did and I was near the exit so I got out. I had to call my brother in law for help. Today my daughter was driving my vehicle and she said she saw smoke coming from the back of the vehicle and again I have to call my brother in law. I am lost without my husband. How do I continue without him? I miss him so much and I need him here with me right now to guide me and tell me what to do. Why is life so cruel? Why did this happen? Why did the Lord take him away from me so early? I love him and I miss him so much. Where can I find him and talk to him? Why does he not come back to me? I love him so much and I cannot continue without him.