Only you can make that right decision. Granted, there are many social and financial pressures that seem to follow a kind of utilitarian diktat whereby the value of life becomes measured by its productive capacity to work. In such cases, the equation is kind of along the lines of "work to live, live to work." The belief that "being useful" can only be expressed by committing a lion's share of your day in work is ideological and does not seem to entertain alternatives for a live well lived.

I only took a week off when my wife passed, and I do regret not taking longer. Inasmuch as others have said that work can take your mind off grieving, all it has done is added another challenge while the grieving process is just prolonged or broken up into smaller chunks while all the complex emotions are still with you at the workplace. I was simply not in a position where I could take more than a week off work without negatively impacting my students, as it would have meant cancelling the courses.

Bottom line: the only person you have to worry about disappointing is yourself. The social expectations of working despite loss is simply a contrivance and prejudice of ideology. Worse, it does not take into consideration the human all too human part of life's equation. You're not a machine that must produce on command, but a sensuous being going through a kludge of so many emotions that require your attention. It does sound to me like you are leaning toward wanting to take some time out to regroup and figure out your next steps, and are seeking confirmation that this is the right path. It very well might be for you.

You are not weak for not wanting to work right now. In fact, your acknowledgement of your feelings is a sign of incredible emotional strength and self-awareness. You will know when you'll be ready to go back to work, and what the nature of that work will be. You're only in your twenties, which means you have a lot of time to make bold decisions about what direction you wish to take in your life and your career.

With regards to "throwing work away when others are unemployed": Let's use an analogy by replacing work with food. Yes, there are many people in the world who are starving, but just because you aren't hungry right now and can't finish your meal does not mean you are being ungrateful. It is simply that your plate is too full with other things right now. You can pass on this meal while you digest all that you've already eaten, and come back to the table for the next meal when you're ready.

Dear Royalbubble, So sorry for the passing of your husband...working/not working, only you can decide what' s best for you...just a suggestion here for your consideration...perhaps you could try this good job and if it becomes too difficult, then take time off...if you can do it financially as well. For myself, considerably older than you,10 days out, I have had so much paperwork and phone calls and companies that can not seem to get here to remove the bed/PT equipment from our home,( along with a company trying to pick up equipment that we never had!) that I wanted-actually better word would be planned- on going back today, but still have to wait for a pickup. I know it will not be easy going back to work, but I have to- mortgage, car payment and kid in college. If I had the option, I would wait...maybe emotions would be less raw...not that one forgets, but it seems that sometimes time helps us "live" with it...May GOD Bless you and give you direction...Alex

I only took a week off and for me that worked the best. I needed that structure and distraction in my life. It was still very hard but I think it was the best for me. We all deal with this differently do you need to figure out whats best for you.
Russ

You've probably heard this before, but it all takes time.

I went back to work gradually after a month and it felt like just going through the motions and although I used to love my job (i'm an architect) I just couldn't find that spark or direction anymore. I kept asking myself, "whats the point?"

I found that I needed to keep going at it though, so that I could feel that I was functioning.

Its been just over a year and I get up each day with a purpose, although I still feel empty. Work at least gives me a focus, something to distract and divert me. Through time, you will find your feet, the fog will slowly lift - trust me its not just you and don't worry about ranting.

John

I had a few weeks off from work, but they were unpaid and I really needed the income so I went back to what was left of my hours. I started calling it Quilt Shop theatre, because I felt like I was playing a role while there. I could no longer eat my lunch in the kitchen because well meaning customers would stop in on me to console or relate a cancer tragedy in their life. So I started eating in my truck, many times there was more crying than eating but I just couldn't fake my way through an entire day.

If you feel this strongly and can financially stay out of work for a while than I say go with your instincts. You have to do what's right for you.

You alone can make the decision of what is right for you. I went right back to work; but I needed to financially and emotionally. I would just cry and stare into space when I was at home alone. I am sure that I was not setting the world on fire but the office that I worked at put up with me. You need to do what is right for you.

I suggest you talk with the employer that has offered you the job and see if you can take the job on part-time or flexible hours until after the first of the year. Do you need the work or do you need the time off? Both most likely. See if they an be flexible for the first 90 days, so that you can have your time to grieve and regroup, spend time with family, and also get back into the swing of things. If they are unwilling to work with you about the hours/days, then you will know what kind of employer they would be in the long run, and you will not feel bad about turning it down.

Your work life can be an important part of your healing and rebuilding. If you can do it more on your own terms, and with the support of your employer, it really helps.

I had used up my leave just before Cliff died. I got one week bereavement leave, and had to go back to work. It was pretty disastrous for me. Crying at my desk, crying in the ladies room, crying in the hallway, you name it. Finally, the big boss donated some of his leave time so that I could work flex hours and spend the time I needed with my sons who were also shook up. My situation was a little different, obviously, as the Christmas holidays were barely weeks from Cliff's death, so me and my kids were a mess through that. I was able to take advantage of my office's Employee Assistance Program to get grief counseling, which helped me deal with my loss and the stress of working and being a single mom, and it also reassured my bosses that I was doing everything I could to deal with my situation. If the new job comes with something like that, that would be a benefit to consider.

I always had a plan. And a Plan B, too! When Cliff died, suddenly I had no plan, and beat myself up all the time about it, until my sister finally told me that IT IS OKAY NOT TO HAVE A PLAN RIGHT NOW. I put that in capitals to make sure to see that and know it's okay to take your time about plans right now.

As far as other people, what they want or don't want, what other people think you should or shouldn't do, it doesn't really matter. Center your thoughts back to what will work for you. It is pointless to force yourself into something you don't want . See if you can find a different answer instead of an all-or-nothing one, like part-time or flex, or even holding the position open for a couple months.

Hope this helps. Let us know how things go and what you decide.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you everyone for your advice. I have decided to give this job a miss and study full time for 6 months instead. Start a fresh with a new career and do something I want to do mot work on something cause I have to. It just been hard to decided what is right to do and what I need to do. Thanks again.

Martha, You have to be one hell of a woman! Your new man is so lucky to have a such complete package as you! I hope I will once again find an intelligent, kind and caring person such as your self to fufill my life. I don't care what any one says I'm a sucker for intelligent girls. They make my perverted mind come alive. Hugs to you!

Dewey

Royal, it's amazing how our priorities change and then the decisions come along that we have to make for our lives and we don't want to do anything!

I have a full-time job and when Morey got sick I had tons of sick time available to me. But, I couldn't stand staying home and listening to everyone talk about Morey or when I just wanted to stare out the window everyone around me wanted my attention.

It's wonderful to have friends and family who love you enough to be by your side but to get back to the world and do a job that doesn't require me to speak of my emotions was perfect!

If you don't need the income or what is derived from that income i.e. health insurance, dental insurance and pension then stay home and veg or study for a new career, if that's what makes you happy.

The two things you mention: "WANT" and "NEED" - There's two subjects that we can talk a long time about!

I hope that in your decision making the bottom line is that you do what makes your heart sing! Even if that means that you must go to work to fulfill that! Or study to get to a goal and accomplish that!

My best wishes to you......

Roz

I can relate. I really didn't have any time off and it first working helped take my mind off things. I did take several days here & there for the funeral and such. But things with work didn't get bad until the past few months. I am currently at risk of losing my job because of it. So I don't think you should feel guilty about not taking something. You may not be ready and therefore might not be able to "put your best foot forward". If you have the means to take the time off then do it, unfortunately for me I can't afford to take a break like I'd really like to do!

took two weeks off after Michael passed and found work difficullt at times, but still rewarding. Working in the medical field I found myself surrounded by friends who had emotional intellagance and that is exaclty what I needed. The road of grief will be different for all of us. You are very young and a change in carrerr sounds like an excellent ideal. Good luck to you.

Kymberly