LindaJ - its 7 months for me and music still seems to accentuate the pain. Seems like everything I have brings back memories, good memories but heartbreak as well. I think I have to revamp my playlist. Totally new music. I've been asking that question, how do I "embrace" these feelings? I don't like it! I haven't cried as much in my entire lifetime as I have in these last 7 months. Wouldn't have even expected I could. I guess we just have to try to roll with the waves. Hoping tomorrow is a bit better for you!

I know that I haven't listened to the radio since my husband died. Crying has helped me cope, it relieves some of the stress. I don't care who's around when it occurs. Time seems to be helping.but I know it will never heal the wound in my heart. I try to think more positive lately, sometimes it works some times it doesn't. I too am hoping tomorrow is better for you. Just let us know when you get those bad times, we'll help you through it. We have all felt the pain of greiving.

Linda, I'm five weeks along and music is a huge trigger for me too. Kurt was a musician and talked to me through his guitar every day. Three days after his sudden passing, while I was still numbed by shock, I was able to put together a playlist of his covers for the memorial service. But the shock has worn off and I have no insulation. As I write this I can hear some of the songs in my head and the tears are starting up again.
I'm not recommending this as it may prove to be a very bad idea, but I'm determined to take the music. back.
I plan to listen to one or two those songs every day and cry as much as I need to until the pain turns into a bittersweet memory, and maybe one day it can be a happy one.
Death shouldn't succeed in robbing us of the things we shared with and loved about our husbands. Not without a fight.
My thoughts are with you, hoping that you can find some moments of peace during your trying day.

The only thing I can add is that when you are having an absolutely awful day, just know it will pass and hopefully the next day will be better. As time passes, those awful days get further apart and you find yourself slowly having more ok ones in a row. At 2 1/2 years I am just becoming able to tolerate music. Most of the time it makes me become way too emotional so I listen to a lot of talk radio in my car. It sucks but I can't cope with it so I just don't listen too much. I was relieved recently when I found I could listen for just a while and I was ok. It's a slow process but it will improve. Hang in there and just let out your feelings. It helps.

My George was a musician too. His six string sets in the cradle by the couch where he left it, no longer making the beautiful music it did in his hands. I miss hearing the sound, the singing and laughter. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to listen to music again and remember the good times we shared.

Hang in there. You could be coming out of the fog. You may notice a progression of differing triggers. Hell, I didn't even need triggers to trigger me, especially that 1st year or so. Grief does what grief wants to do. So just go with it. It is a critical part of our healing to vent the sadness and everything that goes with it. Take it day by day, And no, the clock is not running backwards, it is just that even our time perception in grief can be affected (just a thought). I've noticed coming up on all my big 3's that it seems like forever to get here so I can just get them over (anniversary, mother's day, Easter, and her birthday May 31).

Must be something about this weekend. Mary died on Sunday morning 11 weeks ago. I felt I was getting better lately. But today was really tough. I cried in church today. I found myself missing her so much today. I have been reading a book (Last Will and Testament of a Lover) to her in the evening. When Mary was sick, she would ask me to read passages (mostly biblical) to her at bedtime so now I have gotten into a habit of reading to her even though she has passed (her urn and picture sits on the dresser and I generally find it feels good to read to her). Tonight's chapters had me crying hard.
The book told me tonight I will eventually get to a place where I have a "peaceful, lingering connection" with Mary. I've been thinking about that. Right now I find myself with several sets of grief thoughts. One is that I worry about where she is. I can't really explain that. I guess maybe I just want to know she is still Mary, just in a different form. And that she still knows me. Typing this is making me cry. I think that means it is very real for me.
Sorry....I'm not being much help.

LindaJ,
I don't think it was a mistake at all. It may have brought tears of grief, but those tears and that grief have their deepest roots in love and joy. I hope that doesn't sound like just a platitude. Almost seven months in, the most amazing thing I've learned is that I can feel the deepest anguish and the greatest joy in the exact same moment over the exact same thing. And often that experience revolves around music. I'll hear a song that I used to sing while Dana and I were cooking together... or to which we would dance in the kitchen... or just that meant something deep to her. In reliving those moments in my mind, I bawl my eyes out while my smile also beams. Eventually, I can't tell if my face hurts from crying or smiling. At two months I was in such a fog that I didn't recognize this yet. At seven, I'm still barely into this journey but this lesson has taught me to allow those emotions... be in them for a time... but know that they will come and go. And that's ok. In that knowledge lies hope.

Consume in moderation. Yes it is good to listen to them to build up the strength. If you push away the grief, you push away the good memories as well. Grief are waves that you surf on. On some days the waves will be 10 feet high, and on others you might find they are only 5 feet high, which are more tolerable. But if you recognize on a day that wave 10 feet high, then maybe it is wise to listen to something else that makes you happier.

Me too...and it's been about a yr and 2 months....can't shake the despondency and it doesn't feel like I ever will here.

A year and 3 months. My eyes are now crusty; maybe I cry in my sleep as well. Idk. I'm just not going to listen to tear-jerking music, but there is some music that I find uplifting. Talk radio is out. He burned me totally out on that LOL. I don't even think about Glen and Rush. Limbaugh made me cringe.

Hello Linda It's been 2 months for me and come's in just like a storm never
knowing when or how bad,it could be a song a place a picture it bring the pain the tears then it passes. I'm not a expert but I know it hurts because how much
we were in love and thats really something great.People all say it's a long road
I'm new to this site but people here seem very helpful and loving.Be strong
Linda and take care

Many thanks to all of you who sent me a message of support and caring. Seems like music is a trigger for many of us. But, Stephen M., I like your thought that the same piece of music can bring pain and joy. Although the songs I played were indeed quite painful, I could recall with fondness my dear husband's face as he enjoyed/sang a song. You're right, it is both a painful and an uplifting memory.

I understand...my husband liked country music...I had the funeral home play When I get to where I am going by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton....Now I can't listen without crying...When we were younger he liked to dance to Three Times a Lady by the Commodores......Music can take you back to the good times...but memories hurt too...Especially closer to your loss...Give it some time...I am almost one year and I don't listen or watch anything that causes me painful sorrow....It comes in its own...we don't need any added on top of it....It's hard enough....Maybe down the road...Your grief is still raw...hugs