Hey Red, sorry you have been having a rough time. I think the second year has its own rough patches. The "firsts" of the first year are sort of date related - first birthday, first Christmas, that sort of thing. The second year, there are a different batch that you may go through. It's different, and still challenging. I hope at least you have learned that if you were strong enough to get through the first year that you can make it through this one, too. I hope you are giving yourself some credit for that.

There are times when the kookiest thing will come up and just leave you in a puddle of tears. I hate those. I still get them once in a blue moon. After 8 years, I think I have pretty much cried over everything under the sun - and over nothing, too!

I know it's not easy. Hang in there...

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Red...Sometimes the dumbest things can do it...Last September I had to change the filled-up ledger in my checkbook...and I had to force myself to do it, because that was the ledger I was using on June 12th, the day-of...and the imagination goes crazy...that ledger was new back in March, long before Marylou went to the hospital...she was home, and I had the world in the palm of my hand...but no matter how hard I tried to tell myself that it was unnecessary to change that ledger...it just would-not make the clock go backwards.
And anyone who thinks that a man is not supposed to cry...try telling that to any guy who has seen combat.
I seriously wonder, if losing a spouse is a form of PTSD?

I think the hardest part about the second year is that everyone has gone on with their own lives. The first year family and friends are always calling to see how you are, stopping over, asking you to go to coffee or lunch, etc. and then - nothing. It's l like people put "one year" as the time you can mourn; then you are to go on as if nothing happened.

I find myself mentioning Al's name in many conversations and I see the looks on their faces, as if they don't want me to mention his name.

I find myself drawn to new friendships with widows who understand the pain of losing the love of your life.

I have lots of life to live but I am learning that it will be different. I ask God to walk with me every day and direct me where he wants me to be.

Hi Red, totally understand. It will be two years this month my husband died of stage iv cancer. The thoughts that keep popping up are so surreal. Today I was out trimming bushes and thought how my husband did all this and never complained and seemed to enjoy it and took pride in keeping everything tip top. When I walked back in the house my thought was "Hope you are proud of me taking good care of the house and yard." I try and keep moving forward and have met some wonderful widows to do things with, but the house still seems lonely. I have joined another new club and have the first meeting on March 11th and looking forward to meeting some more new people.

Hi Red, it is good to hear from you. Yeah, those flash memories that come out of nowhere, they get me every time unless I'm able to quickly change channels in my brain. For me, the first time of a certain memory hits the hardest, the 2nd time, not as hard, maybe the 3rd time is neutral, and then after that, a memory filled with joy and love and happy warm and fuzzy thoughts. Same memory, just a progression of how my mind and emotions want to assimilate it, that's my guess anyway. But that first time the memory plays, well, it's sure a doozy for me.

Now onto more really important stuff. Red, pray tell me, What color are you going to paint your dining room? ~~ Scottie

Hi Red,
It's strange how all this works. When my wife passed everything was in a mess. We were struggling everywhere. And then we had no life insurance. All of a sudden things began to fall into place. Finances ironed out and resolved. God did this I sure didn't. You would think I would be completely relived and I was and am but at the same time it's bitter sweet. Because my wife isn't here to share that relief of things working out and so it has brought on it's own sort of sadness.
I don't think it's that we can't be satisfied, we just always had someone there to share these things with and now we don't.
Keep praying and keeping the faith we will get there some day with them.
Peace, Tim

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I am better today. My daughter says we were in shock most of the 1st year and living the reality of her father being gone now. Scottie, I chose a cream color . There are no windows in my dining room so I want to brighten it up. The painter who did not show up or call is named, drum roll please....Scottie. LOL. This morning I am thinking I will paint this room myself. It is so strange how everything changes and we have to roll with it or get swept up in the tide. Seems like only yesterday I could have had the whole house painted with the blink of an eye, now not so much. Everyone enjoy your day and you are in my prayers. PEACE to all. Red

Dear red, I have had some of those days this week. I think how I complained how we didn't get to spend much time with him, because he worked over 60 hours a week, and to think now he's gone, so now the little bit of time we got, is now ok with me, lol isn't that so arse backwards. It's a normal process. Just think, now life is more precious and time is also very short. These are those treasures we acquire. My husband too died in a sudden freak accident. I totally get where your coming from. Sean use to love to come outside while I was weeding ,and tease me, but then he'd go to the other side of the property and tinker, as he would call it. Now I know time is of the essence, so now I'm developing this, well life is way too short, and eventhough my bestfriend isn't here, that I must seize the day. Ive decided there are four things I want before I die; my bucket list, so to speak, lol. I want to drive a tractor across an open farmers field, true style. Then I want to take my girls to epcot, and then take myself to australia. I want to develop some close knit friendships, the kind that you take with you anywhere, rather you move, or get sick, or rather your in a bad mood or as happy as a lark, that kind of friendships, not the drag down, depressing kind, lol. Anyways, I do understand, and hope as spring turns to summer, your days will become more peaceful, and know you are not alone.. Much love and big hugs carla

This reminded me of my little story. My partner loved loved to watch TV. I was the one being busy on most days, but that day I was discussing with her on the phone, speaking something related to me (not to her). She thought she was done discussing it and asked to hang up, so she can go back the show. I got so mad at her I didn't speak to her for a couple days. I know, so silly in retrospect.

Glad to hear you are having a better day today.

I'm an avid reader and can't pick up a book......You should see my People's Magazines stacking up near the sofa. They come once a week and I can't read them. I can look at the pictures but the written word is so hard to concentrate on!

My mind wanders and drifts all over the place. And, here's the best part it's NOT getting better with this as the months pass, it's just getting worse.

I've tried books-on-tape and find myself pushing the back button over and over again because I didn't hear a word that was said.

For me the second year was very difficult, as well. The fog that protected me during the first year no longer existed and I was feeling, seeing and touching the reality of his death even more. I was feeling the loss of his presence with great magnitude now!

Take care of you,
Roz