You had every right to be a bit sharp with her. How dare anyone tell us when we should be over our loss. I am glad you let her have it a bit she deserved it and I hope she had a really long look at herself after you were gone on what a terrible thing to say to you.

Peace and Love to you

Laurie

Sadly this will be the woman who wonders how you handled your loss so well, when she has her own.
Hugs to you, Trici

So sorry you had to be exposed to such callous remarks. I often reflect how innocent I was of people grieving, especially my mom when my dad died, but I would never assume it was my right to tell anyone how or how long to grieve. I'm glad you stood up to her. Sharon

Hi paagena, I am so glad that you had to strength to give your daughter's MIL a piece of your mind. You are so right it is not something to get over, this is something that stays with you for life. It is something that we all have to learn to live with and who told her she was the expert in knowing how long it should take. You are just getting through all of the firsts. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am at 4 years and 9 months now and there are times when I am out and think oh when I get back I need to tell Robert.. then I stop mid-thought because I realize there is My best tono Robert to talk to. It is still difficult, but it does become a little easier and a little less painfull.

Sorry you had to go through that. People can say some awful things. I have realized that I almost wish they would just say they're sorry for my loss and that they don't know what it feels like.

Viviane, I was already a member of your fan club but I am so proud of you now!!! GOOD FOR YOU! I know it sucked being treated so callously, but you did the right thing and did not let that shrew bully you. I agree with Trici - wait until it's her turn - hate to say that, but REALLY! She's lucky you didn't smack her one!

You have handled everything as well as can be expected when it has been one after another. And you have done it gracefully. Many couldn't have made it as far as you have. Give yourself some credit and don't pay attention to such thoughtless people.

I hope we have some dry and sunny days for your return home (still lots of flooding here in Oxford). It will be good to have you back! :)

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Even if someone does not understand our loss they should be supportive of anyone breaking down into tears as no one does that casually in public. I'm glad your response to her had a bit of 'bite'-- it appears she needed it. Sad that people can be that 'out of touch' with reality of what it truly is to be human. When someone breaks down and cries, for whatever reason, the 'human' thing to do would be to provide support and comfort and then help resolve the tears.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared.

How can someone "get over it" in a short year !!! It has been almost a year for me and it doesn't not feel like I will get over losing him any time soon. When we get married , we become one with our soul mate and begin a life together as part of a unit. After all those year of being part of something greater than anything how can one just "get over it" at all is beyond me but to get "over it" in a year I don`t think so. I do see the progress and growing that can happen and I can see emotions being controlled a bit better in public but when we least expect it, those grief attacks will hit like a sledge hammer to the head and the tears come flowing. In my opinion that`s a very healthy healing process to grieving. All of house are here because we lost or better half . We did not chose to walk away from a relationship that wasn`t working , we had half of our heart ripped out and are expected to rebuilt a new identity as a single individual with so many unknowns . Yes being married there were some unknowns but it was an easier to tackle what came our way as a team of two . We are expected to pick up the slack, get our life in order, grieve and be subject to the sort of comments that cut like a knife. Kudos for being true to yourself and speaking up. XOXO

I've heard it said here on DS that people don't mean to hurt us with their insensitive comments ... and I suppose that is true ... but they must be told when they do. And it MUST be done sharply! Otherwise, how will they ever learn not to say such things. Your reaction was appropriate.

Blessings to you, Viviane, and safe travels back home.

Re reading my post it is clear that many spelling, grammar errors are made . English is a second language I picked up in my twenties and while I feel that I`m doing good, I`ve noticed that these sort of mistakes have happened an awful lot since losing my husband. "us" became "house" in my above reply for example. I just don`t know how to edit once I`ve hit add reply. So if my posts are some what confusing I apologise.

whenever we around people whom we trust, we expect more understanding and support. It hurts more hearing it from the family, because this is the supposedly our oasis, a place to feel protected from the harshness.
What is remarkable, is that you are strong enough now to actually stand up and respond to a statement like that one. Sadly, people learn from their own experience mostly, but sometimes, episode as such as a beginning of education on compassion.
Good for you, as they say in AU good on you. I hope the rest of your visit is full of positive emotions.
Hug

Being assertive is o.k. -- and -- just want to say, Cliffskat I'd want you in my corner!!!!!!!!! Nancee

Papagena, I am sorry for this...I hate when people make some sort of remark like that...then turn to their spouse for a look of approval.

I am sure your husband smiled with approval for you!
My heart my friend.
Jewells.

You needed a hug, not a lecture! Why would we ever "get over" losing our soul mates? We may, as you say, gain more public control over time, but I doubt the pain of loss ever leaves. And a reminder of what we didn't get to do with our spouses -- visit Austrailia or anything else we planned -- will probably always bring tears. I know it does for me.
DorothyJoan

Good on you for saying something. Sometimes people need a wake up call to get their heads out of their posteriors.